Names aren't often something we chose. They are given to us. And may or may not truly fit us.
Sometimes it's absolutely right to rename ourselves. And we get to do that. And our chosen name(s) should be respected. Sometimes what we chose needs to change. And sometimes it's right to reclaim what we didn't chose in the first place.
As I've written this blog, I've seen myself change. Over the past 2 years, my voice has evolved. It's an always-deepening quest to be more myself in my writing. Clearer, more authentic, also being useful for you.
I know my vulnerability is also useful. I'm not perfect. I've used language that has probably led folks to misunderstand me, my intentions and also excluded others.
So in the next few weeks we will see an end to blogging at the site Healthy Hot Goddess. She's served me well and she always will.
But it isn't a clear and full representation of who I am or what I do anymore.
Healthy, yes, for sure. Healthy is a way of life, a goal and a process I embody and aspire to. But not the conventional understanding of hot.
In choosing hot I meant alive, vibrant, passionate, driven, inspired. I still cultivate those things and aspire to inspire them in others but without the culturally loaded term. In no way do I support or represent objectification.
Goddess I chose because of the potential in all of us as well as the cultural connection to archetypal divine feminine energy. In homage to my family lineage that come from a matriarchal line of Kali-Durga Shakti worship. Worship of the divine mother. And to me mother earth is all of our divine mother. This creative energy is reflected in each one of us. So we are all goddesses.
I chose this term "goddess" in 2012, yet in recent years it's become popularized, sexualized and also more and more exclusionary. When I use it it's to invoke and harness the divine feminine quality in all of us. Not to call out a particular gender.
However, as an increasing number of trans folks have been mis-gendered in yoga sites and spaces, being called "Goddesses" when they do not connect or identify with this term, and where this mis-gendering language does violence to the truth of someone's experience.
Just because the term goddess is so freaking holy doesn't make this ok. I'm seeing a troubling trend using this language to further gender norms, patriarchy and heteronormativity. I want nothing to do with that mess.
In fact, I emphatically want to model inclusive practice, use inclusive language, to deconstruct such spiritual bypassing and mis-using of terms.
Because yoga is about liberation. And if we aren't applying our practice to daily life, the problems in the world around us and in our hearts, we aren't fully practicing yoga. We cannot leave anyone out in our language or our practices. Including ourselves.
So I am choosing to re-claim my own name. I will continue to write and blog under it: www.SusannaBarkataki.com.
By doing this I am affirming that each of our voices is enough. We don't need the ad-ons. There doesn't need to be a catchy title, sexy name, or gimmick, cute branding or a logo. Those things can be nice. For sure.
But really, there just needs to be authentic truth.
Not about ego, but about simplicity and humility. About reclaiming our power. One voice, spoken as truthfully as possible in each moment. Susanna Barkataki.
"Asian Banana," "B-Talk," "Baraki-taki," "Walkie-talkie"
As a child, my voice was soft; I didn't think anyone would ever want to hear it. So I didn't speak much, or when I did, I spoke with eyes down, a barely audible whisper.
My voice. My name. I'm choosing to keep it. To raise it up, though so much training taught me not to. I've learned to own it.
Though my name is challenging- long, often made fun of, no has ever heard of it, even inside India. It gets constant misspells, mispronounces, immediately identifies me as the immigrant I am, as different...
Susanna Barkataki. This is a re-baptizing myself.
Owning my own name, owning my own voice. Making it mine.
Saying my name, writing from it, I'm claiming it. To myself, first and foremost.
I will be these things. I will do my best to represent an authentic voice. To call out the racism, sexism, patriarchy, heteronormativity and hypocrisy where I see it.
To not spiritually or otherwise bypass my own or others suffering. To speak the healing. To magnify the beauty, magic, authentic power of these transformational practices. To bring integrity and honesty in yoga and mindfulness, in education, healthy living, in wellness blogging.
What I most aspire to do is write my truth in the hopes that it touches themes that resonate in your heart, spark in your mind, move you to compassionate action.
My wish is that together, you and I are provoked, moved, healed, inspired, towards our own truth, joy, wellness and creative expression. And that we just simply feel less alone. More connected. More at peace.
What is your true name? I'd love to hear it.