The holidays are upon us. Sometimes it feels like they're inflicted upon us, whether we want them or not. As much as we might enjoy a break from work, spending time with family, or filling ourselves with tricolor popcorn from a giant tin cylinder, the holidays often bring a special kind of misery to single folks. From the forced displays of merriment to the awkward questions from well-meaning family members, sometimes the holidays feel like they were invented just to make you feel like you are lacking something essential.
We at Siren feel your pain, and have drafted a four-step Holiday Survival Guide to help navigate these darkest days of the year:
1. PREPARE
The temptation to cocoon is real. What if you could stay inside for the rest of 2015 binge-watching Jessica Jones, face down in the popcorn tin? Would the holidays still be out there, watching your every move, using mind control to make your friends and family wear weird sweaters and sing the same verse of "The Little Drummer Boy" over and over?
The answer is yes. The holidays are exactly like Kilgrave. They have infected everyone around you with something called "holiday cheer" and you have no choice but to deal with them head on. Forget the Marvel Universe, you are living this adventure. So turn off Netflix, put some pants on, and meet me outside.
2. REFRAME
Perhaps your perception of the holidays is jaded. Maybe you think that you are the loneliest, most depressed person in the world, but the reality is that this time of year is difficult for a lot of people, but that vulnerability actually makes this time of year a great opportunity to make a connection.
So instead of thinking, "I don't like being alone, but I'm frustrated by the process of meeting people," try reframing your perspective with, "I like meeting new people and I like adventures. I'm going to go on adventures with new people!"
If you do New Year's resolutions, resolve to let go of your dealbreakers.
Remember that this is not lowering your standards, it's opening yourself up to the element of chance and surprise discovery.
Remember that you don't have to find your forever person right now in order to meet people to have fun with.
3. CONNECT
Get online with the intention to meet in real life. Online dating platforms are not mindless video games; they're introductions to actual human people just like you. Be active. Reach out, accept lots of connections from others, compose that first message suggest to meet. Because you never know. Trust that there are others out there doing the same thing, and soon you'll intersect.
4. MAKE YOUR "DATES" INTO ADVENTURES
Everyone schedules first meetings as coffee or drinks. In my experience, these are way too similar to job interviews and a tough way to make a good first impression.
One woman said that her first date with someone she had met on Siren was a race to fold origami cranes, because the guy had responded to our question "What is your most unique talent or skill?" with "folding tiny paper cranes." His answer made her laugh, and they found it so much easier to get to know each other over paper folding.
Origami cranes make great holiday gifts, as do homemade cookies, hand-knit caps, or handmade ornaments. Devise a fun project for yourself and invite someone to do it with you.
Even holiday shopping can be an adventure. Head to the grocery store and find the ingredients to make eggnog. Help pick out gifts for a stranger's co-workers.
Go for a walk and grab a copy of the local alt-weekly. Pick an event that you might never otherwise go to, and head to it together.
Even going to a church you've never attended can be an adventure, whether or not you're religious. Many churches have musical services without preaching; these are like free concerts in a beautiful space! Sometimes this time of year is just about the motions we go through, and the only thing that gives the motion substance is going through it.
Remember that the person you are looking for is someone you want to have fun with. Make dating about staging little adventures, not heading out for yet another awkward cup of coffee.
That way, at the very least, when your nosy aunt asks, "Are you still single?" you can take your face out of the popcorn and honestly respond, "Yes, and I'm having a blast looking!"