In the summer of 2014 I visited Plum Village in France, founded by Thich Nhat Hanh, a spiritual leader, poet, and peace activist known throughout the world for his teachings and writings on mindfulness and peace. During my week there, I was fortunate in that I was able to hear this inspiring man speak on a variety of subjects, one of which still provides strength to me as family holidays are celebrated.
One perspective shared by Thay, as followers often refer to Hanh, is that we never lose those who have passed away. To illustrate this point, consider anything you see in nature. Say, a flower. The flower begins as a seed, grows into a flower and, in some style, reproduces through pollination and the spreading of its seeds, until it finally wilts and dies. But, that flower left a part of itself in our world. That next flower, and all that follow the first, are a part of that first flower...proof that it ever existed.
Is that not the same as with people? I started as the perfect union from the union of my parents. I was born and grew through the different stages of life: baby; toddler; childhood; adolescence; and adulthood, where I am now. I looked different, acted differently, and had different abilities and possibilities through each stage, but I was always ME. One day, never knowing when that will be, I, too, will pass on, but, like that flower, there will still be parts of me to see. Proof that I ever was.
Just as I am a product of both nature and nurture, the nurturing something my parents did very well, so will be my children, and their children, and every following generation.
I make it no secret that my first marriage ended in divorce, but that first marriage was a blessing in so many ways. Not only did I learn lessons that helped me grow into the person I am today (some lessons being easy to learn, and some definitely learned the hard way), but I would not have my children, or their spouses and their children, my grandchildren, were it not for that first marriage. I would never know the partners my children found as their soulmates. And, just as with my parents creating me, without those same, exact people involved, my children and his or her partners, there would never be those grandchildren we love so much today, and who bring us untold amounts of pleasure.
So, as Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, and other family times come and go, I think my time will be best spent appreciating that I even had the parents I had, rather than spending my time being sad missing them. I was, after all, one of the lucky ones who had wonderful parents who were able to provide me with an atmosphere of safety, love, and protection. I will appreciate all the time spent in that first marriage, and be happy that, while it wasn't perfect, it taught lessons, and resulted in children who are blessings in my life. And I will rejoice that I found the man I now call my husband, the five children and seven grandchildren we share together, and the lessons I continue to learn.
Thank you, Thay, for helping me find a new way to think about those who have been dear to me but are no longer on this earth. As you said, they are there; maybe not physically, but they are present with us at all times.