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Suzy Shuster

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I Got Into a Fight With a Giant Douche Bag This Morning

Posted: 12/02/07 08:04 PM ET

I got into a fight this morning.

I was midway through my morning walk with my dog. Hudson. We make the same loop around our neighborhood every day, for the most part, a quiet winding road up and around our little enclave within Coldwater Canon. And then, I walked past a guy sitting in his Bentley, talking on the cell phone while his engine idling.

And that pissed me off.

Few things piss me off like a running engine for no reason. It's not like scientists from all around the world are officially proclaiming that we are in the midst of a global warming crisis, or that The United Nations Council has stated that we have a finite amount of time to bring about changes aiming at combating green house gases and emissions such as those which stream out of exhaust pipes in cars that are running for no reason.

Oh, they have?

Now look, I'm not insane. Were we to be making our morning walk in say, Buffalo, New York in freezing cold weather, then maybe I wouldn't be making such a to do...but this was a 69 degree morning in Beverly Hills, California, and so the following conversation ensued:

Me: Hey. Why don't you turn your car off while you're just sitting there.

(Note to self -- a simple "please" gets you places.)

Douche bag in Bentley: vroom vroom - he guns his engine to make very intimidating manly noise as if to tell me off.

Me: Turn off your car...what's your problem?

DIB: Why don't you get a job so you can find a better way to spend your time other than harassing people?

Me: Are you kidding me? Why don't you take your small penis car out of my neighborhood, you douche bag?

He then peeled away from the curb and yelled out the window at me as I walked away that I probably had some movie deal waiting for me at home, and why didn't I go deal with it, which I found remotely amusing and completely irrelevant.

Now I don't condone anger or violence, or even the use of the term douche bag, but what could possibly be the big deal, and why would someone feel the need to freak out over a simple request to cut an unnecessarily running engine in this day and age? And according to the United States Environmental Protection Agency's press release from the Office of Mobile Sources, emissions from an idling car doesn't just contribute to global warming, it wastes gas. In fact, if you are planning on idling your car for 30 seconds or more, you'll actually save gas by turning the car off and on. With the price of gas these days, that could end up being an entire holiday budget!

The point is we all need to find the simplest and easiest ways to help stop global warming. Turning your engine off while sitting in your car is not only a no brainer, but it can also lead to peace on earth...in my neighborhood, anyway.