The relationship between women and men, and girl and boys needs to change. Did you know that women and girls ages 15 to 44 are more likely to be maimed or killed by men than by malaria, cancer, war or traffic accidents combined?
There are over 150 million instances each year of sexual violence against girls. This includes girls as young as 2, 3, and 4, and would you believe -- even 2-and-a-half-months old!
Can we really continue to allow ourselves to live in a world where we are violating each other with such inhumanity?
One major factor that perpetuates this cycle of violence is that the girls who have been raped can't speak up for themselves (because they are babies or very young children) and those who are old enough to speak up, are afraid to -- for many good reasons.
Take for example, TaJoe, who New York Times reporter Nicholas Kristof met in Sierra Leone and wrote about in his Sunday column this past weekend. TaJoe is a 13-year-old seventh grader who ranks third in her class of 18. One evening, TaJoe went to use the outhouse that was some distance away from her home. On her way back, she was grabbed by a businessman, thrown to the ground and raped.
TaJoe was ashamed about what had happened and she also felt afraid. So she didn't tell anyone. But then she developed a sexually transmitted infection that caused a raging fever. She stopped eating and her health deteriorated. When her family took her to a clinic, the doctors discovered the problem, and she, as Kristof put it, "confessed."
Can you guess what happened when TaJoe said it was this particular businessman who raped her (who, by the way, was suspected of raping two other girls in the village)?
The police detained TaJoe and her mother, accusing them of sullying the name of a respected member of the community.
Unfortunately TaJoe's story is not unique. All too often girls are blamed for the inhumanities of the men who violate them.
"Ultimately, the only way to end the epidemic of sexual violence is to end the silence and impunity and send people to prison," said Nicholas Kristof in his column.
I would agree with that -- accountability is crucial -- but I also think there is deeper work for us to do.
More of our conversations in the media, in our communities, in our spiritual centers, in our schools, and in our homes need to be about how we as women and men, girls and boys, truly feel about each other. Do we respect each other? Why? Why not? What are our assumptions about one another? What are our misunderstandings? What do we wish were different? What have we wanted to ask or say, but have held back? And most importantly, how can we live and work together in full respect and dignity to create a world of peace and prosperity for all human beings?
Tomorrow thousands of girls will be raped by men or boys who will not go to prison or be held accountable for their horrific actions. Because no one will question them or sit them down to talk about why they did this, the cycle of violence will continue. These young girls will be infected with sexually transmitted diseases and will suffer in sickness, or as many do, will die from internal injuries. In most of these cases, the girl will be blamed. And for what?
For being a girl.
That is the reality we are living in at the moment. Girls are being punished simply for being girls. They are sexually violated, forced into marriages as young children, trafficked as sex slaves, denied access to education, denied access to health services, and denied access to economic opportunity.
There are two things that we all share as humans -- whether we are a woman or man, girl or boy. These are our desire to learn and grow, and our desire to love and be loved. If we can work together on these things as human beings on the same team, we have a lot to look forward to.
Here are some things you can do right now to improve the lives of girls, boys, women, and men in your community and around the world:
Follow Tabby Biddle on Twitter: www.twitter.com/tabbybiddle
Caroline Lucas: Violence Against Women is Not Inevitable
CDC - Home Page - Sexual Violence Prevention - Violence ...
National Sexual Assault Hotline | RAINN | Rape, Abuse and Incest ...
I would like it if I did not have to support movements that seemed to aggressively promote male vilification. We should remind everyone that rape is a aberrant behavior in few men except in some very dysfunctional cultures devoid of stability and steeped in violent conflicts. In such places everyone is a victim and violence against women is just the tip of the iceberg. Men can't effectively protect women in such places and in areas with deep inequality between haves and have not's.
I don't mean to dilute the message but looking at violence as a whole is at least honest and ethically sound. Equality shouldn't mean we only are interested in what's happening to females. I have not seen anything on Impact addressing the violence males face EVER.
First and foremost? Does it come before or after men's instinctive desire to HARM women? Because this is an equal aspect of life as a woman. Most men are neither a threat nor a protection to women, and while there are certainly a lot of fine men who protect others - men, women and children - there are also far too many men who do harm to others - men, women and children. I have not noticed that good men are motivated by a desire to protect only women. I see them protecting anyone they can. I also see that the only people they need to protect us from are other men.
If you want to focus on the general issue of violence - including street crime, terrorism, war - of which men are the disproportionate victims, you need to start by analyzing WHY men do so much violence in the first place. Men are the source of violence. You can not discuss this issue without taking note of this fact. Is it genetic? Is it the culture? How are boys socialized to grow up violent? What can be changed in the culture to discourage them from becoming violent? This is the pertinent issue, and your thin skin about anything you perceive as "male bashing" leaves you incapable of discussing it.
Yes, analyzing why men do so much violence in the first place is critical. I think in the same way that women gather in circles to discuss issues like this, men could gather in circles to discuss the same thing. Then women and men could come together to discuss where they are each coming from.
Creating the space for this conversation is a huge part of the healing that we all need - as women, girls, men, and boys.
I think the questions that you shared are great ones to lead with:
Is it genetic?
Is it the culture?
How are boys socialized to grow up violent?
What can be changed in the culture to discourage them from becoming violent?
The roots of violence against women lie in historically unequal power relations between men and women, and persistent discrimination against women.
What I am proposing is a discussion about this unequal power relationship - in our homes, schools, spiritual centers, governments, businesses, etc. - to unearth what's not being talked about as much as it needs to be. I believe that if we can hold these discussions as women and men together in partnership - with the intention to eliminate violence against women and girls - we will being our path of healing. We must of course addressing violence against males in this conversation.
I disagree with that. The root of violence against women are violent people. The inequality between men and women also exists between men of different social position. Usually all in the lower classes of corrupt unstable nations are victimized in all kinds of ways. The men are under the threat of violence as are the women.
In regard to abuse within the relationship there will be some bad people in this world no matter what we do. Working women also suffer abuse. So we can't reduce it to that single cause to leverage it as a means to promote feminist theory.
I think it should be approached as a humanist issue without the presumption men want to oppress or abuse women. They are human just like us and love their women. The culture may promote injustice but as individuals most seek to do right. I think promoting equality is a good cause, but not by making men, women's enemy.
Eliminating violence against women is impossible. It's a big world we and should not be able to control everyone. Some people will be violent and some of those people might even be women. It seems obvious such efforts leverage our emotional response to women being hurt since we associate them with nurture and men with aggression but so long as men live with violence so will women.
I think your suggestion to shine a laser focus on what issues men suffer as a first action is a crucial part of the conversation. Can you share with us some of these issues?
To be continued...
Native populations around the world generally worked till they were fed and sheltered and then they were content. They spent their free time exploring the environment, exploring their spirituality and enjoying each other. The land and resources were shared and each individual's right to survive and right to live on the land and share resources was honored. If we returned to that basic simplicity we'd find that women and men were free beings with equal rights and they could support each other freely and joyfully without the stresses of modern society. Our website expresses it at www.the-communal-solution.us