Scientists and clinicians are interested in the dynamic interaction of perception and aggression. Looking for trouble, and seeing it, may be a deep cognitive bias--a negativity bias--that distorts normal emotional processing.
We all have a wounded self -- our ego -- that we developed as we were growing up, to protect us from pain. Our wounded self becomes activated when we get scared -- scared of rejection, of engulfment, of being hurt.
More and more lately in my matchmaking business I've been encountering negative, angry people who cannot understand why they cannot find happiness. I try to work with them to explain that happiness is a choice that they have to make for themselves.
Honoring our feelings isn't about being self-absorbed or arrogant -- it's really about being true to ourselves, honest about how we feel, and willing to engage in authentic conversations with other people. So why can it be so challenging for us to honor our own feelings?
We often harm others when we act out of anger, but we always harm ourselves. Suppressing anger can cause psychological problems, but eliminating the causes of anger always results in psychological and spiritual health.
When left unattended, strong emotions can lead to destructive behaviors. Attending to times that you feel hurt, belittled, let down, disrespected, insulted or threatened is key to dealing with the anger that often comes from those experiences.
Only you know what path you need to take toward healing, and whether you accomplish this using every one of the five stages, shunning books about grief or never missing a session of your bereavement group, the key will consistently be to listen to yourself.
We can gain vital information about ourselves and what we believe about the world when we look honestly at our anger. But when we react unconsciously, repress our anger or get caught up in it, it becomes counterproductive and negatively affects our health and relationships.