She put me on hold for what I felt was an unreasonable amount of time, I'm pretty sure Jimmy wouldn't have liked it either. I hung up.

My longest relationship has been with commitment phobia. But I seriously do think I could get married if I could do it with a month-to-month lease.

I think people are really getting at when they ask me about my experience is why aren't there more women in these fields. There are a lot, to be sure. Probably more now than ever. But the perception is that comedy and podcasting are still heavily male, and I do have some thoughts about that.

I used to think I loved iInternet dating, but then I realized I just loved drinking fancy wine that someone else was financing.

I was on Match.com -- no applause, please -- and I was leaving the site because my membership was up. I thought before I jumped ship I'd just respond to a few guys who'd messaged me. I thought, "What's the worst that could happen? Live a little." Here is the rundown of exactly what happened:

The hardest part about internet dating is keeping the names straight and also the part where we all die alone. Sometimes it's just easier to go out with someone you meet in the real world, which brings me to the subject of Hot Guy.

Like all of us, I'm just looking for a nice man to settle down and have a family with and by "settle down" I mean travel the world and by "family" I mean two small kittens.

Want to try Comedy? Really? There's other ways to see if your tear ducts work and how your body reacts to pills.

Few things in life can compare to standing in front of your giant name in glowing red and yellow lights as you bomb on national television.

The first heckler I ever encountered yelled, "What's your day job?" I replied, "This is the first time I've ever been onstage, could you please come back and heckle me when I'm more experienced?" He shut up.

If you do not know who Maria Bamford is, relax. It'll be fine. But, just quickly, OH MY GOD, YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS ABOUT TO IMPROVE.

At Tig Notaro's set last night, the audience witnessed a truly historical moment in comedy. For the first time in my life, I genuinely laughed and cried at the exact same time. When she took the mike, she said, "Thank you, thank you, I have cancer."