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Delia Lloyd: How To Buy Holiday Gifts For Kids

2009-12-03T11:45:22Z

Well, tis' the season and all that. Unfortunately, the impending holidays don't seem like they're a source of much good cheer this year. Instead, when I scanned my Facebook account this morning, one friend talked about how much she hates Christmas shopping, while another openly voiced a concern about *how many*gifts were appropriate for her two kids. I was so stressed out that I bought all my presents in November.

Gift-giving can be overwhelming, particularly during a recession. And, not surprisingly, this year many have opted to give no gifts at all.

But if, like me, you're dead set on buying presents - at least for your kids - here are five tips to make that experience less stressful (I'll do adults next week):

1. Figure out what they want, what they need, and what's appropriate. Remember those Venn Diagrams they used to make us draw back in elementary school? You know, the ones with the overlapping circles? That's what you need to do with kids' gifts. Figure out the intersection of their wants, their needs and what you can live with, and you can easily eliminate some alleged "must haves." To wit: my son desperately wants a video game this Christmas. And needless to say, the more violent the better. But we've been trying to reduce his time on the computer, not encourage it. So rather than pull a total Scrooge, I emailed a friend of mine with older boys and asked her to recommend a non-violent and yet sufficiently absorbing game that would satisfy his need to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but without shooting anyone along the way. She came back to me with a game called Civilization, in which you adopt the persona of a historical character like Julius Caesar and basically try to take over the world. Done.

2. Figure out what you can afford. It's so easy to get swept away in the tide of gift-giving that you forget to look at your wallet. But you don't always have to spend a lot of money to make your kids happy. Take my daughter. This year, she decided that she wanted to start a collection of Sylvanian Families. You know, those little mouse families and their teeny, tiny accoutrements? I was delighted: so small...so easy to store...so gentle! But those mice-y can be pretty price-y, if you buy, say, the Grand Hotel. In contrast, the blue twin-tub and ironing set? Not so much. Now, you're talking...

3. Reframe things they need as things they want. Last year, I realized in early December that my son needed a new pair of gloves. Sure, I could have easily just gone to the Gap and bought him a pair of gloves. Instead, I decided to make them a present. Knowing, however, that no child ever wants to get something useful as a gift, I craftily re-packaged these gloves as "Keeper" ("Goalie") gloves, even though they were really just fairly standard issue. But by catering to his abiding love of football, they instantly became his favorite gift!

4. Eight is Enough. We celebrate Hanukkah in our house, which automatically places a limit on the number of gifts you need to give out. (Hanukkah lasts 8 days). I recognize that eight presents may already seem ridiculously generous to some folks (and not nearly enough to others). But it works well for me because I also use the 8-day schedule to alternate large gifts with small (see below).

5. Stagger large gifts with smaller ones. I learned this tip from a friend of mine back before I even had kids. Her son was devastated when - following some huge Lego contraption on the first and second nights of Hanukkah - all he got was a coloring book on the third. Thereafter, my friend learned that the key was to alternate large and small from the get go, so that he understood that you don't always land a Mercedes. This year I've actually purchased a chess board (yes, just the board!) as one of my son's gifts (something he needs - see #1), and will sandwich it between two large-ish gifts. You can also use this staggering principle with a holiday like Christmas or Eid, where you give all the gifts all at once.

Happy Shopping!

Jenny Darroch: Xbox, FarmVille and the Need to Play and Socialize With Others

2009-12-02T17:48:00Z

I've been thinking a lot about video games, partly because we have a lot of them in the house (yes, we purchased Call of Duty 2 the day it came out) and partly because I am intrigued by data indicating that sales of video games, an $11b industry, are down 12% year on year (BusinessWeek, November 23, 2009). The BusinessWeek article outlined the extraordinary efforts marketers are going to in order to get new games noticed when launched. The article also questioned whether sales would recover once the recession ends.

A couple of weeks earlier, Fortune ran an article about Gamemaker Zynga, who makes FarmViille, Mafia Wars and Café World for Facebook. (Fortune, November 9). What caught my attention is that Zynga is only two years old and already has revenue of more that $100m per year - it seems that players spend real money to eventually buy virtual goods such as tractors.

But there is something else that links these two articles together - in both cases they fulfill two basic human needs: (1) playfulness - the basic human need to relax, to amuse oneself, to have fun; (2) affiliation - the basic human need to form friendships and associations with others. In 1938, Henry Murray provided what he considered to be a complete list of human needs; playfulness and affiliation were just two of Murray's 28 human needs.

It might be that sales of video games have taken a dip because of the recession or it might be that sales of video games have taken a dip because consumers are finding other means to relax and have fun, either alone or with others. If you follow this logic then soon FarmVille players will move onto something else. The problem is that for most of us, the "something else" is beyond our comprehension.

The need to have fun and socialize has not changed; all that has changed is the way in which we achieve these needs. In 1964, Peter Drucker wrote: "What to the manufacturer is one market or one category of products is to the customer often a number of unrelated markets and a number of different satisfactions and values".

Or: "Because the customer buys satisfaction, all goods and services compete intensively with goods are services that ... are all alternative means for the customer to obtain the same satisfaction."

To me, the gaming market provides a great example of how we should not see only similar products as potential competitors but to step back and think about the basic need that games are trying to satisfy. On this basis, all products that satisfy the same human needs are competitors. Now, if only I had a crystal ball ...

Jenny Darroch is on the faculty at the Drucker School of Management. She is an expert on marketing strategies that generate growth. See www.MarketingThroughTurbulentTimes.com

New York Tests Xbox-Based Alert System

2009-11-25T13:54:00Z

State authorities are testing a plan that would see the Emergency Management Office issue alerts over online gaming networks in addition to regular channels.

Alex Remington: The Beast Within : A Cautionary Tale About Overuse Of Video

2009-11-25T13:37:09Z

When it was released in 1995, The Beast Within: A Gabriel Knight Mystery was hailed as a technical marvel. It was the sequel to 1993's Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers, but while that game was one of Sierra's last VGA adventure games for DOS, The Beast Within was a full-blown Entertainment Weekly gave it an A- and said: "This interactive movie easily surpasses most of the click-and-watch live-action CD-ROMs out there." 14 years later, though, the concept of a "click-and-watch live-action CD-ROM" doesn't sound like a particularly palatable genre, so that even the best in the field doesn't sound all that good.

What's left is a game that's fun to play, but saddled by a lot of bad acting that's no longer mitigated because the technology is no longer cutting-edge. Even now, the technical achievement seems impressive -- it really is an interactive movie on 6 CD's, with nearly wall-to-wall full motion video animating every conversation, every interaction, just about every plot point, and many of your main character's actions.

The plot is a werewolf tale set in Bavaria, with plot points involving Ludvig II and Richard Wagner, and setpieces in Munich, Castle Neuschwanstein, and a Catholic shrine at Altötting, as well as other game-specific locations. But because there's so much video, there are very few degrees of motion -- so there's not much room to explore beyond what you have to do to advance the plot. That said, it's a rich, detailed plot, and provides for hours of gameplay, but while you can do certain things out of order, there's basically only one way through the game.

The game is divided into 6 chapters: in the odd chapters, Gabriel Knight is your main character, and in the even chapters, its his assistant Grace Nakimura. Their flirtation was notable in the first game, and is on the verge of blossoming into romance in this one -- unfortunately, the two actors have absolutely no chemistry, which hurts their scenes together and that part of the plot.

The game feels a bit less personal than the first Gabriel Knight game: while voodoo is a real part of the culture of the old New Orleans, the attempt to write wolves into Bavarian history is an interesting intellectual exercise, but one with a lot less real-life legend to draw upon. Ironically, the lo-fi first game holds up better -- its 2D animation makes it feel like just a game, while the sequel's bad acting constantly takes the player out of playing and forces him to watch. It's not a bad game by any means, but far less worthwhile to dig up and play nowadays.

Rating: 70

Cross-posted at Remingtonstein.

50 Worst Moments In Video Game Voice Acting (VIDEO)

2009-11-13T13:50:27Z

Wow, one would think with all the money spent on graphics and marketing for video games, the companies that produce them would spend more than $4 on voice actors to bring their characters to life. Unfortunately for them (fortunately for us) these voice acting fails are hilarious and thanks to an intrepid youtuber, care all in one place.

WATCH:

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Modern Warfare 2 Sales: Game Scores $310 Million In 24 Hours

2009-11-12T09:14:16Z

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — First-day sales of Activision Blizzard Inc.'s "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2" broke records, raking in an estimated $310 million in North America and the United Kingdom alone.

The video game went on sale all over the world on Tuesday, but Activision provided figures Thursday only for North America and Britain. The company estimates that it sold about 4.7 million copies of the game in the first 24 hours in those markets, making it the biggest-selling launch in the history of entertainment.

Anne Z. Boxer: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Versus Lack of Duty: Bad Mom 1

2009-11-11T14:38:26Z

Don't know about the rest of you with teenage boys but the entire purpose of Veterans' Day Eve was procuring Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Even here in Boulder getting this game was no easy feat. I had pre-paid for the game and figured that by 5:00 pm the lines would be over. I was wrong -- lines were out the door at our local gaming store.

The line was full of boys in jeans wearing Ed Hardy t-shirts and Quiksilver hoodies. The parking lot was full of mothers in cars wearing business clothes and tapping on blackberries. Moms patiently waiting for their boys to get to the front of the line and then jumping out of the car and pushing to the front of the line to prove that an adult was buying this M-rated game. I'm sure most of them were like me -- no idea why this game was rated M and why we were allowing our kids to play games that are rated M. Maybe the lone dad I saw (pacing the parking lot) had the same concerns.

Does letting my kid play war videos make me a bad mom? Living sixty miles from Columbine makes me wonder and I wish I knew the right answer.

Dr. Cara Natterson: Wii: An Indoor Fix To Childhood Obesity

2009-11-09T12:06:54Z

In September, the New York Times ran a story called "Why Can't She Walk To School?" The article looked at safety issues that plague parents, to the point where many cannot allow their children the rite of passage of walking a block or two alone to the bus stop or to a friend's house without the possibility of dire repercussions.

The article only looked at getting somewhere--at the few minutes to and from. When you start to consider actually doing something, the issue gets magnified a hundred fold and there are health repercussions. Many of today's children don't play outside like we used to: they don't play tag until dusk; they don't gather for impromptu games of basketball or touch football or hopscotch. Today's children don't get exercise outside and their bodies are growing as a result: they are growing wider.

For the same reason that many parents can't rightfully let their children walk unsupervised to the bus stop, they cannot let them play in the neighbor's front yard either. And so the kids sit inside. It's not like they are doing anything bad--they do homework, they practice the piano, they email or chat with their friends online--but they are generally sitting and often snacking.

Sometimes parents are at home in the afternoon and they can supervise. In these families, the kids have the opportunity to get out and run around so long as it works for the adult in the house. (Translation: so long as there isn't dinner to be prepared or another child to tend to or a stack of bills to be paid; and as long as the weather complies and there is space to play outside and so on.)

Other times, there isn't an adult at home. Today there are millions of latchkey kids--estimates vary, but there are probably at least 8 million of them--who come home to an empty house, call their parents to let them know they are safe, prepare themselves a snack, and settle in for the night. For these children, there is no option to go outside and play unless they want to disobey the rules. The fact that parents don't let their kids play outside has translated into an ever-growing epidemic of childhood obesity. It's not the only reason, of course, but it is certainly a contributor. The problem is that there isn't a great alternative. Stay inside and be safe, but gain weight; go outside and get fit, but risk abduction. This is one serious double-edged sword.

One solution is a tool that I decried for years: a video game. And when I tell parents to go out and get it, they laugh nervously or gasp or scowl. But Wii Fit is a video game like no other because it's not passive.

Depending upon what game is played and what level of enthusiasm is put behind it, a Wii player may never break a sweat. But by the same token, when Wii Fit is on, kids (and adult players, too) are standing, moving, jumping, twisting, stretching, all without snacks in hand. They are moving, and that solves half the problem with staying safe inside. Often, the safer you are, the fewer calories you burn.

Now let me set the record straight on a few fronts: first, I don't have a financial stake in Wii. In fact, I don't even own a Wii. And I am sure that there are other brands available that might get kids moving in the same way. Second, I am not endorsing other versions of screen time. I don't think that watching TV or movies, playing passive video games, surfing the net or instant messaging for hours on end are the least bit healthy. And finally, I don't pretend to be able to back up my observation with data. In general, I like to be able to site studies to prove my point; in this case, I don't know of any studies, I only know what I have experienced in the office: heavy kids who cannot play outside get slimmer, happier and more confident when they have access to exercise in the form of a Wii.

Short of reverting back to the good old days when your mom had to call you in for dinner mid-dodge ball game, we have to find a solution to the increasing burden of childhood obesity. Eat less, of course. Eat healthier, certainly. But also exercise and move your body. If this must happen inside, maybe it should happen with the help of a really cool looking video game that your child will actually play.

Nintendo Wii For P.E: School Offers Gaming Instead Of Gym Class

2009-11-05T17:45:31Z

Children are being handed Nintendo Wiis to play on at school if they can't be bothered to turn up for traditional PE.

Youngsters who deliberately leave their football or rugby kit at home to dodge the games lessons are being allowed to play with the consoles instead.

No Doubt Vs. Band Hero: Activision SUED For Making Stefani Sing The 'Stones'

2009-11-05T13:01:22Z

LOS ANGELES — No Doubt is suing video game maker Activision for putting words in band members' mouths.

The band brought suit Wednesday against Activision Publishing Inc. over a feature in the new "Band Hero" game that allows players to control virtual band members and have them sing other artists' songs.

Cigarette-Crushing Computer Game Helps Smokers Quit, Study Shows

2009-10-30T12:42:55Z

Smokers who regularly play a computer game that involves crushing virtual cigarettes could have a better chance of kicking the habit. At least, that's the implication of an experiment carried out by researchers at the University of Quebec in Canada and published in the latest issue of CyberPsychology and Behavior.

Wii: Netflix Streaming Arriving 'Very Shortly' On Nintendo Wii, Sources Say

2009-10-29T11:33:32Z

Netflix's (NFLX) movie streaming service will arrive on the Nintendo Wii sooner than later, but the timing is uncertain, and how the companies choose to implement it could have a major effect on how useful it is to Netflix.

Rockstar Geeks Play Guitar Hero -- WITHOUT Guitars (VIDEO)

2009-10-29T11:16:14Z

We've all been air-guitar gods at some point in our lives. But now a band of boffins have proven that you don't need frets, a pick or even a controller to be a Guitar Hero.

Call Of Duty: Leaked Video Game Shows Players Can Shoot Airport Civilians In Terrorist Attack

2009-10-29T08:08:49Z

NEW YORK — Footage leaked from "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2" reveals that players of the upcoming video game can shoot innocent civilians in an airport in a realistic rendering of a terrorist attack.

The game, which has an "M" rating for mature audiences, comes out next month in what its publisher hopes may be the most lucrative launch in the history of entertainment, not just for games but counting music and movies too.

Urban Gaming: Game Culture Makes Cities More 'Playful'

2009-10-28T18:33:20Z

I think, through the omnipresence of game culture and conventions, and the growing popularity of virtual worlds in general, our sense of reality is becoming more plastic; our interactions with the world around us more playful. I don't think parkour could have evolved in a pre-videogame world - it's games that have taught us to see scenic objects as potentially interactive components. Similarly, the rapid implementation of GPS technology into our lives has been eased by games - we're all used to HUDs with radar displays and directional commands, we're prepared to be told what to do by disembodied computerised voices.

Jay-Z Works Out To Fergie, Talks Yankees And DJ Hero

2009-10-27T08:00:30Z

Jay-Z will be singing 'Empire State of Mind' at the Yankees' World Series kickoff Wednesday, but that's not the song that gets him pumped up for his own workouts. It's Fergie's 'Big Girls Don't Cry' that he finds "really, really dope."

"I really like that song," he told the Huffington Post. "I would sing it really loud no matter where I was at in the gym, and I know a couple other guys were singing and they won't say it, but I'm man enough to say that Fergie's 'Big Girls Don't Cry,' Crap! I would sing that in the gym."

He's also very excited to sing his ode to his native New York with Alicia Keys on the diamond at Yankee Stadium.

"I couldn't even dream that up for myself. If someone asked me that, I wouldn't even be able to say it. The Yankees, the New York song, everything just worked out," he said.

Still "ecstatic" from the Yankees' Sunday night win against the Los Angeles Angels, he said he'd trade the opportunity to perform for a Game 1 victory. "I'd rather us win than me perform at the stadium."

The rap king has a busy week. He's promoting the new video game 'DJ Hero,' out Tuesday. For the game's Renegade Edition he contributed 12 of his most party-making tracks, as did Eminem. With the help of a turntable controller and DJ stand, players can mash up hits like 'Izzo (H.O.V.A.)' with 'My Name Is.' You can see a track list and play the demo here.

"You're never going to be Grandmaster Flash, but you can feel like it for three minutes, or however long you choose to play," he said.

Jay-Z, on the other hand, can feel like Grandmaster Flash pretty much wherever he plugs in his iPod.

"It's almost like, you walk into a party, they're playing dull music and you're like, wait a minute. BOOM. And they're like, 'You're cool!'"

But don't expect him to share his magical playlists with his fan--or even his wife. He claims to have no idea what's on Beyonce's iPod, and keeps the contents his own classified.

"Every party I come in and just take over the sound system," he said. "I take my iPod and my playlist and make everyone listen to it, then they ask me for my playlist and I say no. It's a very selfish thing, but I want to bring the party with me. I want it to get better when I arrive, so I don't let anyone have my playlist."

One of the other 'DJ Hero' collaborators, someone who brought the concept of celebrity DJ into popular awareness, is the late DJ AM. Jay-Z remembers his friend's passion for playing music triumphing over the trauma of his plane crash last year.

"We were set to do a show in Vegas before he flew down to South Carolina," Jay-Z said. "The next day he got into a plane accident and I was like, 'Man, just forget about it, let's move on, we'll get back up another time.' He was like, 'Don't count me out for the show.' I was like, 'What? Like, wasn't he just in a plane crash and don't count me out for the show?' That's just passion right there. He came and he had a bandage on his head."

Norwegian Wins Monopoly Championship And $20,000

2009-10-23T17:48:52Z

A 19-year-old Norwegian is $20,580 (£12,200) richer - in real money - after sweeping the board at the World Monopoly Championships in Las Vegas.

Jennifer Kushell: 10 Things I Wish I'd Known as a Student

2009-10-14T14:39:36Z

Back to school season still makes me cringe. Like most I assume, it wasn't always easy for me. Now that I'm a young professional ... oye .. full fledged adult ... I have a whole new view on back to school season. In one word: Perspective.

So, for all of you loading up those new backpacks, sharpening your pristine yellow pencils, and scheming about how you're going to smuggle your cell, iPhone, iPod, Zune, video games or other banned technology into your classes, LISTEN UP. (Parents too!) I may be able to help you see this whole experience - that is, your life as a student - in a very different light that can almost guarantee your success in the long run, but way more importantly, your personal confidence and happiness.

Hopefully these can save you or your loved ones a little unnecessary stress in their remaining life as a student.

The most popular and highest achieving kids in school are NOT always the most successful in the real world. Success in the academic bubble does not translate to success in work and real life. This is really important to note, whether you're living out what some will one day refer to as "your glory years" or you're struggling at the bottom of the social or academic heap.

Everyone is cool and special and interesting in some unique way. Give people a chance. Don't be too quick to judge or disregard people because they fit in or don't. That's just immature and childish. Don't blow off anyone. Everyone has feelings, insecurities, ambitions and dreams of a brighter future. Be kind to people. That karma will stick with you for a lifetime.

The nerds make all the money in the end. No joke. The least popular, most focused, often anti-social people are thinking day in and day out about the big things they're going to do with their life. And trust me, not all, but some will become the most influential and most successful people you know. Personally, I've grown to love and admire "nerdy" people. They're often the smartest, most interesting, and most creative of us all.

Being different is actually good. There's so much pressure to fit in and be like everyone else in school. For some of us, the pressure is so stifling you start to lose sight of who you really are. And this is exactly the time you should be starting to discover yourself. You'll soon find that being just like everyone else is in direct conflict with what you really need to do to succeed in life - differentiate yourself and build your competitive advantage. What makes you different, if positioned the right way, really can be what makes you special. It's a paradigm shift for sure, but a valuable one to note as early on as you can adopt it.

Pursue what you love regardless of what people say. The rules of what is cool and not in school are manufactured in a totally subjective bubble of people with painfully limited perspective on the world. Whatever it is that you're really into, that you want to stay up late reading about, that you're thinking about when you should be focusing on a lecture or studying.... may be the key to what you build your life and career around in some way. Don't ignore it.

Keep Reading...

Ef Rodriguez: World of Warcraft in Colorado

2009-10-12T11:50:16Z

I play World of Warcraft. Despite the wholly inaccurate stigma associated with the popular online role-playing game -- "favored by basement-dwelling weirdos who abandon their social lives for the game and its elf-eared denizens" -- I love it.

And I'm not alone, though I often feel as though I am when I consider how few Denver/Boulder folks I have found to play with. In truth, I have only met four people who actively play the game. Far more often, when I invariably start talking about orcs and ogres at a tech event, I meet people who used to play but stopped for reasons of life balance, finances or other pursuits.

But that doesn't compute. According to Blizzard, the game's publisher, there are close to 12 million WoW players in the world, more than 3 million of whom reside in the U.S. So among the millions of Americans prancing around the online world of Azeroth, casting fire spells against the undead, there are only five Mile High players? Nonsense.

I think they're hiding. I think they're ashamed to emerge from their undisclosed locations. Why? Because the active lifestyle encouraged and exemplified by our Colorado environs has made WoW peeps feel guilty for spending hours in front of computers, issuing commands to their comrades via headset and microphone instead of being outside.

That's unacceptable. I won't be intimidated by Denver hikers, Boulder runners or any other local outdoorsian. I don't live in anyone's basement. I'm no weirdo. I'm a well-adjusted Latin dynamo.

Yes, I spend hours in front of a computer virtually wielding a sword and shield. It's no different from fantasy football or any other web-enabled pastime. That's why I'm not ashamed to tell thousands of people that I spend some of my nights running around digital forests as an ultra-dangerous warlock.

So let me sound the reveille: If you live in Denver/Boulder and play World of Warcraft, don't be ashamed. Come charging out of the shadows. Cast aside your +35 spellpower cloak and say hello. I'm here for you -- on Earth or Azeroth, in Denver or in Stranglethorn Vale.

Ben Berkon: New Study Shows that Children Who Play Educational Video Games Wrongly Believe 'Education Leads to Success'

2009-09-25T16:20:44Z

In education news, a recently conducted study showed that 83% of children who play educational video games wrongly believe that "education leads to success." STAThead, the company who also conducted the study that linked violent video games to adolescent violence as well as lawnmower sales to pre-teen pregnancy, felt it was necessary to reveal the much more troubling reality about education.

"There was an astonishingly high percentage of misinformed children who are in for a real surprise," said STAThead executive Bill Myers. "These educational video games, which value learning fundamentals, hard work, and honesty, don't give our children the full picture of the real world. You will not find anything about 'rich delinquents being given sought-after internships,' 'knowing the ins and outs of tax law so you can steal billions of dollars from charities' or even 'the advantage girls with big tits have' in these educational video games. These educational video games may teach your children their multiplication table, but your kids will not have the know-how to do anything beyond being a barista at Starbucks or campaign staffer for a little-known, eccentric third-party candidate."

While most teachers and parents have objected to the results, claiming that "[the results are] merely a narrow-minded and disgusting outlook for our youth," STAThead calculated that 99% of those teachers and parents fell into the "complete failures in the real-world" category.

(For more articles and segments of this kind, visit www.SomethingYouShouldRead.com.)

`Scribblenauts': Nintendo Games Still Ahead Of The Pack

2009-09-16T10:43:14Z

Apple has turned the iPhone into a popular device for video games. Sony is about to introduce the PSP go, a slick new version of its handheld PlayStation Portable. But both companies are still playing catch-up with Nintendo, which has dominated the portable game market for decades.

The secret: a steady supply of terrific games. Here's a roundup of some of the best new releases for the Nintendo DS.

Gary Marcus: What Makes People Want to Play Rock Band and Guitar Hero?

2009-09-14T17:42:25Z

In some ways, Guitar Hero and Rock Band seem like the stupidest games on earth. Colored discs scroll down a TV screen, and eager participants mash colored buttons in time with what they see. You press a red button when you see a red disc, a blue button when you see a blue disc, and hold your fire when you see nothing. Rinse, lather, and repeat; that's about all there is to it. Since the sequence and timing are provided by the game software, you don't really even need to know the songs. There's no need to strategize ahead (as in chess); no need for big muscles (as in basketball), and no need to bluff past one's opponent (as in poker). Few games demand less of the player; I suspect monkeys could be trained to play, and know for a fact that robots can cruise through Guitar Hero on Expert.

Yet the two games together have grossed over three billion dollars, and received extensive coverage in highbrow outlets like The New York Times and The Atlantic Monthly.

What is the appeal of a game that demands so little of the human mind? Part of it of course lies with the music; the latest Rock Band comes complete with Beatles music, and for people like me, who grew up listening to music, no body of music is more compelling. (For people with rather different tastes, there's Guitar Hero: Metallica and Guitar Hero: Aerosmith, with Steely Dan allegedly on its way, although Jimmy Page swears there will never be a Guitar Hero: Led Zeppelin).

Still, at $60, the game costs as much as 4 or 5 albums, and the game takes more work to play. Why mash buttons on a video game controller, when you could put Sgt. Pepper on your CD player, or learn to play a real guitar? If an alien scientist came to observe humanity, they'd find a lot of things puzzling, but few would be as puzzling as Guitar Hero.

* * *

Some games, of course, could be seen as practice for the real world; Monopoly could be viewed as preparation for a career in real estate, chess for the art of war. Many evolutionary psychologists believe that play evolved as way to ease children into their ultimate adult responsibilities; chasing your friends in a game of tag prepares you for the bison hunt on which your life will later depend.

Whether you buy that theory or not, the plastic "guitars" in Guitar Hero have little to do with real guitars; there are no strings, and no frets, there's no soundhole, and no jack to hook up to an amplifier, either; except for a bit of clattering, the plastic pseudo-instrument makes no sound at all. And there's no room for genuine creativity, as there would be with a real instrument. A real apprentice guitarist must spend hours and hours practicing scales and chords, and learning about the relation between melody and harmony; an aficionado of Guitar Hero skips straight to the songs, and may well never learn the difference between a major scale and a minor.

Economists would be puzzled, too. It generally costs the same amount or even less (once you factor out the costs of the plastic guitars) to buy the songs on iTunes as to get them in a package for your Xbox, and if you buy them on iTunes, you can play them over and over, wherever you want, in the car, or in the gym, and not just when you stand in front of your television set. You also aren't stuck suffering through the abominable mid-80's Hair Metal, in order to "unlock" the next song that you actually like.

What gives? If it's not practice for a career in music, and it's not efficient or rational from an economist's perspective, what is it that drives people to play these games?

* * *

It's a lust for power.

Not, mind you, of the sort that allows one to rule the world, but the sort that allows one to control one's own world.

Dozens of studies over the years have shown that human beings are happier when they believe themselves to be in control. In one famous set of studies, participants were asked to solve simple arithmetic problems while sitting in a room in which sudden blasts of noise occurred at random intervals. One group of subjects had no choice but to listen, the others had a panic button they would be allowed to press if the noise became too much. Though few participants actually pressed the button, the mere feeling of control made the entire experience considerably more bearable. In another famous study, dogs were put in an environment in which nothing that they did correlated with their situation; so-called "learned helplessness" -- essentially a form of depression -- was the result.

Alas, although humans are very fond of being in control, we aren't always so good at telling whether we actually have it. As Harvard psychologist Dan Wegner has argued in The Illusion of Conscious Will, Oujia boards were designed to trick people into thinking they didn't have control when they really did. Guitar Hero is designed to do the opposite.

Inferring control is really an exercise in inferring causality; we want to know whether A causes B, but sometimes all we know is that when A happens, B happens too. In technical jargon, we infer causality from temporal contingency.

Games like Guitar Hero set up one of the most potent illusions of temporal contingency I've ever seen: if the player presses the button at the right time, the computer plays back a recording of a particular note (or set of notes) played by a professional musician. The music itself is potent and rewarding -- Keith Richards really knows how to bend a note -- but the real secret to the game is what happens is that fact if you miss the button, you don't hear the note.

The brain whirs away, and notices the contingency. When I push the button, I hear Keith Richards; when I fail to push the button (or press the wrong button, or press it late), I don't hear Keith Richards. Therefore, I am Keith Richards!

* * *

It's not simply that you hear the songs (which bring pleasure) but that the game skillfully induces the illusion that you yourself are generating the songs. You aren't paying $60 to hear the songs; you're paying $60 to trick your brain into thinking that you are making them. Your conscious mind may know better -- and realize that it's all just a ruse -- but your unconscious mind is completely and happily fooled.

Is that worth $60? If you want to feel like Keith Richards, the answer is surely yes.

eSarcasm: The SexBox: 10 X-Rated Games We Want to See

2009-09-13T10:26:05Z

The Xbox may soon have an X-rated cousin.

A Silicon Valley company is trying to build an adult-oriented video game system called the SexBox, as evidenced by a recently uncovered trademark application. The SexBox, reports indicate, would feature a custom console and series of interactive adult-only games.

We here at eSarcasm think this is a fantastic idea -- so much so that we've decided to help the SexBox crew get things going. We've come up with 10 X-rated games for the sex-centric system. They're all based on popular titles from the (nonpenetration-related) video gaming world, and we think they're all pretty damned good.

Here's hoping these come soon, so to speak, to a SexBox near you.

1. No Need For Speed

In this game, going faster won't get you a ribbon; it'll get you an eye-roll and a half-hearted, "It's okay, honey. Really."

2. Panty Raider

Score with Lara Croft to score serious points. Be careful, though: She's packing serious heat. And not the inviting kind.

3. Wii Fit: Booty Balance

"Lotus Focus" takes on a whole new meaning in this triple-X edition. Use the special booty balance board to master as many tantric challenges as you can without bruising your point total.

4. Ass-man

Chase the tail and see how many cheeks your little guy can gobble up! Available in both classic and "Ms. Ass-man" editions.

5. Dragon Balls

The first-ever virtual HJ challenge. Do you have what it takes to make the dragon balls erupt?

6. Final Fantasy: S&M Dungeon

Journey into an S&M dungeon where one wrong safe-word could make this fantasy your last.

7. Mega Man 8"

A game in which every inch counts. Think your hardware will measure up?

8. Scribblenuts

Forget the pencil-based drawings in Scribblenauts -- in the X-rated edition, the "writing" is done with a very special "instrument."

9. Crash Bandicooch

Rescue the lovely Tawna and you'll soon be navigating her dark passages.

10. Wonky Dong

Donkey Kong's got nothin' on this all-night bedroom challenge with an extremely ~~hard~~ limp twist. Can you keep her happy when your dong gets wonky?

For more Geek Humor Gone Wild, visit eSarcasm. You'll be glad you did.

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