I bicycled 1,200 miles of this coast in the fall of 2009. My 6-year-old son died that summer, and I was alone for the first time in my life. Not the alone that you find in a quiet moment with a cup of tea and a book. I mean the alone that follows you into crowded rooms and pushes everyone away.
There are mantra meditations, visualization meditations, open-focus meditations, breath-based meditations and so many more. You just have to find the shoe that fits. An easy one to start with is one that evokes a very natural state in us: kindness.
Nobody questions the physical intensity of labor and childbirth, but how do we know how painful the experience really is? Does recall -- especially months and years later -- accurately reflect the experienced pain?
You have conquered your fear and are prepared to have the best birth you can. You are ready to get your birth "right," whatever unpredictable course it takes, because getting your birth right simply means doing all you can to achieve the best birth possible.
I sometimes wonder whether pain carries a sense of nobility or just plain degradation. Whether it brings about clarity through an expansion of experience, or diminishes by blotting out everything inessential. Artists seem conflicted on this point.
So while pain helps us explode, to power lift, to go to war; it doesn't empower us to achieve long-term and consistent success and well-being. Pain pushes us like the wind does to a sail. But gratitude is the rudder that points our ship in the direction of it's destiny.
I could pretend, but that pretending cost me. I could be reasonable, but telling that lie was exhausting. Now, when I read about grief, when I attend conferences that talk about grief, I think about those early days. I think about being reasonable. I think of how ridiculous that is.
We've extended the warranty on the human heart, and people are living longer. We've improved care for skin, and people look better. But it's your frame that gets you where you need to go whenever you need to get there.
Chiropractic work is just one example to illustrate that we can decide to live without pain. Pain, whether physical or emotional, is not a lifestyle choice and we can decide to live without it, respect our bodies and get more enjoyment out of our lives.
When your partner consistently avoids sex and intimacy, or on the rare occasion when they are willing, are obviously doing so reluctantly -- the accumulations of repeated rejections are likely to have a big impact on your self-esteem.