South Africa 2010

I feel bad for anyone who thinks soccer is boring. And being American, I want to help.

We bonded when we went to see Brazil play Cameroon during the '94 World Cup. It was one of the great days of my life. It made me understand something about two worlds that I didn't know anything about.

The Japanese have perhaps my favorite uniform in the tournament. But they can't score goals. Which makes it very difficult to win games. So I believe Japan will fall on their own sword in South Africa.

The last time we saw Italy at the World Cup, they were saying rude things about people's sisters, getting head butted, and dancing gleefully with the trophy. They are back with much of the same crew intact.

If Group G is the Group of Death, Group D is the Group of Do Not Resuscitate. These surreal pairings are just one of the reasons I love the World Cup above all other sporting events.

Argentina has, pound-for-pound, the greatest player in the world: the flea with the genius feet, Lionel Messi.

The blast of the South African vuvuzela is almost upon us, and for soccer freaks who mark out their lives in four-year blocks, the question is: how many World Cups can you watch in a lifetime?