The Balanced Life on The Huffington Post

Tara Stiles: 10 Steps To Getting What You Want

2009-12-05T07:00:00Z

Everything we need is already there. The challenge is letting go of all our stuff in the way.

Whether it is the perfect relationship, adorable family, successful career, financial stability, radiant health, all of the above, or something entirely different, getting what we want drives a lot of us. Even if we're not quite exactly certain what it is that we actually want (or think we want) we still spend our time doing all sorts of things that we think might get us there. How exhausting! All that wanting and doing can take us far away from ourselves, and out of the present moment where everything happens. The end result is often dissatisfaction no matter how much of the achieved "stuff" surrounds us.

Clearing out the clutter that we've built up in our lives is a good place to start. When we make space, good things can happen. We've all experienced it. A simple task like cleaning the house can leave us feeling calm, relaxed, and inspired. There is literally more room to think in a clean house. Whether it is through cleaning, practice, meditation, or thoughtful planning, when we make space, the good stuff has room to come our way.

I put up a whiteboard recently at home. I know, whiteboards are usually reserved for start up companies, but my life is my start up, and so I need a whiteboard too. The more work I take on, the more I find the need to simplify, and eliminate what is in the way. I need efficiency. From my whiteboard to yours. Enjoy.

10 Steps to Getting What You Want

1. Be YOU. There is only one YOU on this planet. Take advantage of that. You are inspiring, creative, intelligent and capable. Spending any energy trying to be like someone else is foolish.

2. Do What You Love. When doing something you love, no matter what you'd be getting paid, or think the outcome might be, not only will you enjoy yourself more, but you have a better chance of actually creating a sustainable life. Happiness is contagious.

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." Milton Berle

3. Trust your instincts. "I feel there are two people inside of me -- me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." Kim Basinger

4. Work hard. No one is going to do the work for you.

"Hard work has made it easy. That is my secret. That is why I win. If it were easy everyone would be a champion." Nadia Comaneci

5. Be nice to people. "Your Karma is a continuum, part of the process that is happening to you now, not something far away in future life." - OSHO

6. Don't listen to your critics. "If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business." Abraham Lincoln's words: via Ed and Deb (love this one!)

7. Be Patient. Things might not (and usually don't) happen in the timing that you want. Patience can be your biggest asset. Cultivate it.

"If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent." Isaac Newton

8. Take Care of Yourself. Your health is a responsibility that is completely in your control.

"Every human being is the author of his own health or disease." Buddha

9. Stop Complaining. If you don't like how something is, change it. We can't change everything, but we can do quite a bit about our circumstances when we drop the complaints.

"Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses." Proverb

10. Have Fun. If you're not having fun then what's the point?

"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." Katharine Hepburn

Julia Moulden: The Aging Population: A Silver Tsunami?

2009-12-05T07:00:00Z

I just spent two days with some smart, thoughtful people, talking about something everyone knows is coming, but most of us are in denial about. No, not climate change. Our aging population. Here's a small slice: in 2000, there were 600 million people 60 and over worldwide. By 2025, that number will double. And right now in the developed world, people 80 and over are the fastest growing population group.

Two hundred people from around the world gathered at The Business of Aging Summit in Toronto (co-hosted by MaRS Discovery District and the Province of Ontario), to talk about the challenge and opportunity of what was quickly dubbed the "silver tsunami".

In fact, whether our aging population will be a deficit or a dividend was hotly debated. By the end of the summit, I was listing heavily to one side. Yes, there are huge challenges, and we must acknowledge and address them. But, ohmigod, such amazing things are underway and we are going to reshape the world!

In my head, I replaced the tsunami with a gorgeous wave - huge but not terrifying - and all of my favorite experts were yelling "surf's up!" and paddling their boards madly into the roiling waters. Here are the people you'll see riding the crest of this wave. (If you're like me and need a little soundtrack to go along with your visualization, try the boomer-friendly Hawaii 5-0.)

• Jane Barratt
Jane will be the first one into the water. Secretary-General of the International Federation on Ageing, she kicked off the summit with the thought that aging begins at birth. "I'm not an older person, I'm a person who's growing older." She got us thinking about why we need to create an age-friendly society, and how each of us can contribute. In fact, she was particularly emphatic that this work can't be left to the "experts", that we all need to speak up and chip in.

• John Beard
He had me from hello. John showed us a news item about a woman working on her 100th birthday. "Why is this news?" he asked. "Because she's 100, of course, and because she's working. This won't be abnormal in the future." He then debunked a bunch of myths about aging, like that older people are a burden on society (in fact, most of us continue to live independently right up to our last year of life). That the real objective is how to stretch out what he calls the middle years - by doing things like preventing chronic illness, creating environments that foster engagement, and introducing age-appropriate care. John is Director of the Department of Ageing and Life Course at the World Health Organization in Geneva. Check out their website for data and publications about how we can all adapt to what's coming and realize potential benefits.

• Alvaro Fernandez
Imagine a workplace brain fitness program that will help you think better now and ward off the symptoms of dementia as you age. One that is grounded in two decades of research. That's what Alvaro and his team are developing at Sharp Brains. It's one of the projects launched by Cogniciti, a joint venture between MaRS and Baycrest (a health sciences centre), created to bring cutting-edge research to market.

• Laurie Orlov
Laurie's New Radical career started with a deeply personal event: the death of her mother in 2006 (New Radicals are people who put skills acquired in their careers to work on the world's greatest challenges, for more please see archived articles). A technology industry veteran, Laurie realized that tech could be used to help seniors achieve one of their goals - to "age in place". So she founded Aging in Place Technology Watch to provide insight, analysis, and guidance about technologies that can help people do just that. Great resources on her site. Not to be missed.

• Saul Kaplan
The fact that he calls himself Chief Catalyst and his organization the Business Innovation Factory speaks volumes about Saul. He got us all stirred up by asking "where's the urgency, where's the outrage?". He insisted that we don't need to simply tweak existing systems, but transform them. His team designs and tests new solutions in real-world laboratories, including something they call the "Elder Experience Lab". Highly recommended. (And count on Saul to be wearing the most creative trunks.)

Buzz Aldrin, one of the first two astronauts to walk on the moon (and fellow HuffPo blogger), was supposed to wrap up the summit, but had to cancel due to illness (we wish him a speedy recovery!). As the full moon rose in the early evening sky over Toronto, Buzz's stepdaughter, Lisa Cannon, showed us a video that brought back memories for everyone in the room (where were you when they walked on the moon in 1969?). She spoke about the insatiable curiousity of humankind, and our desire to try new things - in JFK's phrase, "Not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

I'll be writing more about who's out there surfing the wave, including what technology companies like Cisco are doing, about cool new ideas in urban planning, transportation, health care, and storytelling - and how it all fits together. In the meantime, be sure to sign up at the Business of Aging website.

Now, over to you. Do you think the "silver tsunami" is a problem or an opportunity? And should we suggest to Arianna that HuffPo add a new section called, perhaps, Silver? Please comment below, or feel free to email me directly: Julia (that familiar symbol) wearethenewradicals (punctuation) (COM).

Julia Moulden is on tour, talking about the New Radicals.

Fawn Germer: 5 Things To Remember When Your Life Starts To Suck

2009-12-04T17:38:44Z

Last night, a distraught friend lamented, "I had finally gotten to the point in life where things were supposed to get easy."

There is no point in life where things are supposed to get easy. I've said it a thousand times: "Just when you think it's going to get easy, it's going to get harder." But, the more you persevere, the stronger you get.

I know a woman who has always had money, a great husband, wonderful children, (multiple) beautiful homes, endless travel and everything that a life of ease could offer. We've been friends for more than 20 years and I've never seen her forced to confront the lowest lows that many of us have facedI used to admire what she'd landed in life, imagining her existence as such a comfortable way to live -- right there on Easy Street. But, time has taught me plenty.

Without the lows, you don't experience the highs. Without obstacles, you don't appreciate victories. Without challenge, there is boredom. Without being tested, we can't experience the true exhilaration of triumph.

I have made no secret of the fact that my first book was rejected by every major publisher in the United States. The process was humiliating and demoralizing and I was so depressed that I skipped my cousin's wedding because I couldn't face the well-meaning relatives who would certainly have asked how the book was coming along. Despite my overwhelming sadness and disappointment, I did not quit. I re-wrote my book in a different format, got a different agent and finally the seas parted. I had multiple offers from publishers.

The first copy arrived after three years of struggle. It was the day before 9/11. In the resulting chaos, my book tour was canceled. Again, I didn't quit. I pushed so hard and my friends rallied and bought so many copies that it became a best-seller. I wrote my 29 letters to Oprah's producers and something worked. She endorsed my book for the world and then, my speaking career skyrocketed.

If success had come easy to me, it would have meant nothing. The thrill of victory would have passed in a short time. But my obstacles defined me. My battles were so hard-fought that I still feel gratitude every single day for the success that ultimately came.

As a cyclist, I learned long ago that the map of the terrain rarely matches the challenge of the moment. There are storms and detours and flat tires and so many unforeseen obstacles. One time, I was doing a pretty horrendous 230-mile, 19-hour ride endurance challenge in the Rocky Mountains. I knew that I only had to make it to mile 120, where the map told me I would get the reward of a 60-mile gradual descent to help my body recover. That expectation of the easier ride propelled me up so many mountains. But, when I started down the other side of the summit at mile 120, I ran straight into the worst headwind I had ever experienced. It was so bad that I had to pedal -- hard -- instead of coasting as I'd expected. I slowly moved myself ahead, one mile at a time. I found an inner reserve that I never knew existed.

This tough economy is just like that bike ride. If you are beleaguered by your struggles, remember these five things:

1. You will get to the other side of your difficulties.You just will. Bad times don't last forever.

2. Take it one day at a time. Sooner or later, the world that appears in black and white will suddenly bloom with color.

3. Remember that your attitude controls your outcome. If you focus on the negative, you'll attract the negative. If you give yourself one inch to fail, failure becomes a viable option.

4. Always count your blessings, because as bad as it seems to you, you've got it better than 99 percent of the people in this world.

5. Never, never, never give up on yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, others won't believe in you.

We do find our strength when we need it most. Just when you expect it to get easy, it's going to get harder. That's life. But when you understand that your challenges are building your inner strength, your realize that life is beautiful.

Marc Lesser: Accomplishing More By Doing Less

2009-12-04T16:44:29Z

I would propose that we always accomplish more when we approach each moment and task in an open, relaxed, and fully engaged manner -- whether leading a meeting, answering emails, or taking our children to school. In this way, our sense of accomplishment depends more on the way we act (which we can control) than on the results (which may be out of our control). No matter the chaos of any particular day, this can become one of our most important and useful aspirations and measures of success. Sometimes the greatest accomplishment is having the courage and skill to make intelligent midcourse corrections. At other times, the greatest accomplishment is having the courage to do less.

To accomplish more by doing less involves a simple yet profound transformation: it's a different way of being in the world. You may, in fact, be no less busy, but you will be less scattered and distracted, and you will accomplish more of what matters to you: more of what aligns with your deepest purpose and intention; more of what brings you satisfaction and connection with others; more of what you believe really needs to get done. Doing less and accomplishing more is about aligning your actions with your values and your particular passions. And finally, by becoming more peaceful and at peace with yourself, you will spread that into the world, which will become that much more peaceful and sane as a result.

Here are five practices, five ways to do less, that may result in more accomplishment:

1) Take time to step out of regular activity - Do less by taking the time to rest mentally and physically in between or outside of your usual activities, perhaps instituting a regular practice of meditation, retreats, breaks, and reflection.

2) Pause in the midst of activity - Do less by pausing in the midst of activities: mindfulness practice (such as coming in touch with our breath in between reading or sending emails) and walking meditation are two examples. Try reading a poem during your lunch break, or just going for a leisurely stroll, right in the midst of your busy day.

3) Do less of what is extra - Do less by identifying and reducing unnecessary activities. In this case, "unnecessary" means those things that are not in alignment with what you want to accomplish.

4) Less striving; more presence - Do less by the very quality of your being. We must be completely present for what we are doing, without sacrificing or rushing what's in front of us in order to get to "more important" stuff later. No matter how mundane the activity, treat everything as important and take pleasure in it. At bottom, whatever we are doing right now is what we are engaged in and it deserves our full attention and appreciation.

5) Integrate effort and effortlessness - Do less by integrating effort with a feeling of effortlessness. This sounds like a contradiction but it isn't. With practice, we all can find that sweet spot that combines engagement, creativity, and composure.

Ultimately, "success" in our work world and in our life does not rest with external rewards or achievements. What matters most is how much love and goodness our existence has added to the planet, how effectively we have engaged with the people we cherish most, and how much we have been able to locate our own sense of deep composure right in the midst of the messiness of life.

Mike Robbins: How To Stay Grounded During The Holidays

2009-12-04T12:19:21Z

The holiday season is now in full swing. If you’re anything like me
you probably have mixed feelings about the holidays. I love the
excitement, parties, decorations, rituals, music, gifts, connections,
and more. However, even these fun things can wear on me. And, the
stress, drama, consumption, obligation, expense, and more that often
come along with this time of year are not on my list of “favorite
things.”

In addition, I often feel like I’m not doing enough, not on top of
my “list,” and I sometimes worry that I won’t get everything done in
time to make the people in my life happy the way I want to. Can you
relate?

This year, especially with all that’s going on around us in the
economy and the world, what if we each made a commitment to appreciate
the holiday season and enjoy the whole experience – regardless of our
circumstances or any external pressure we may feel? Appreciating the
holiday season, as with anything in life, will make it much more
enjoyable and much less stressful.

Instead of rushing around in a high state of anxiety and worry about
crossing every item off of our never-ending to-do list, we could choose
another way – one which will make this holiday season enjoyable, fun,
and peaceful for us and those around us.

Here are a few things we can remember this holiday season to make things more fulfilling and less overwhelming:

1) Take Responsibility for Your Experience. It’s important to
remember that the stress we experience during the holiday season does
not come from the holidays themselves, but from us. We’re always the
creators of our own experience and the more we can remember this and
live our lives from this perspective, the more empowered we are. When
we stop thinking, speaking, and acting as if we’re mere victims of
holiday madness (or anything else in our lives for that matter), we can
dramatically enhance our enjoyment and lower our stress.

2) Remember That You Are at Choice. We always have a choice
about how we engage with anything. This holiday season we can choose to
be annoyed by family members, obligations, forced work gatherings,
crowds, prices, or anything else. Or, we can choose to enjoy the magic
and fun of this time of year. We may not always get to choose the
people and circumstances around us, but we always have a choice about
how we relate to them. Our experience of the holidays (and of life) is
up to us, as it always is.

3) Focus on What You Appreciate About the Holidays.
Consciously choose to focus on the things that you appreciate about the
holiday season the most. Tell the truth about this to yourself and to
those around you. If at all possible, don’t participate in work or
family gatherings out of obligation. But, regardless of where you are,
what you do, or whom you are with – make a commitment to appreciate
what’s happening, the people around you, and the many blessings of this
season and in your life right now.

Even and especially when things are challenging, we always have so
much to be grateful for. At this time of the year, we can take a step
back, breathe deeply, and experience the gratitude we have for our
lives, the people in it, and for ourselves. If not now, then when?

While there are always things for us to do, gifts to buy, gatherings
to attend, and much more going on at this time of year; we can choose
to have this holiday season be one that is filled with authentic peace,
gratitude, and joy – if we’re willing to look for, find, and focus on
what we appreciate.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and
the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley)
and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info - www.Mike-Robbins.com

The Dangers Of Multitasking And How To Stop

2009-12-04T10:49:59Z

It seems that we are all becoming terribly distracted. This partial attention is taking our time, productivity, balance, and I would argue, sanity.

Roberta Lee: 10 Tips For Lowering SuperStress

2009-12-03T09:09:56Z

I know what you're thinking . . . there's no way your life could be stress-free. You've got deadlines, bills to pay, kids to get to soccer practice, and traffic to battle en route. And then there's the stress of news reports about crisis, tragedy, war and recession. None of that will change quickly. But by my definition, stress-free doesn't mean you'll not experience any stress in your life. Rather, living stress-free means you and your activities won't be determined by the inevitable stresses you face. Keep your own personal stress level low and you'll be free of the physical and emotional pressures that stress puts on your body.

The problem comes when the stress response is triggered over and over with no time for rest, as it does for most of us almost every day. You dodge the bus but then are late for work; your report is due but you get a call from your child's day care and have to leave work early to pick her up -- you stay up late that night to finish the report and start again the next day with less sleep than you really need. This is chronic or SuperStress -- you lurch from one stress to the next without a break! Unfortunately, your brain can't tell the difference between the danger of the oncoming bus and the "danger" of your deadlines. The physiological response is the same, and over time, the cumulative result isn't pretty: your digestion gets out of whack, your blood sugar surges, pushing the body into a near diabetic state; your immunity becomes compromised and with that, a myriad of serious medical conditions. In my previous post I explained SuperStress in detail and offered you a quiz to assess whether or not you have SuperStress.

So how can we keep the many, many stresses in our lives from accumulating and becoming super-sized instead of acute and manageable incidents? Here are 10 important strategies for reducing the impact of inevitable stress:

1. First and foremost, try to keep stress in perspective. Cultivate the attitude that whatever is stressing you will eventually resolve itself -- nothing lasts forever. You don't need to aim for a stress-free life in the literal sense, but rather should be aiming for a life with stress in it but not exclusively defined by stress.

2. Try to get 7 hours of sleep a night. Sleep repairs your body from the daily wear and tear and improves your immunity. Scientists have found that those who sleep less than seven hours a night (on average) are three times as likely to get sick as those who averaged at least eight hours.

3. Eat breakfast: starting with a healthy meal will give you more energy to cope with stress later in the day. You don't have to take a lot of time to prepare a good start. Try a fruit and low-fat yogurt smoothie. Berries are naturally sweet and they have vitamin C which tends to be helpful in combating stress. Furthermore, berries have some fiber -- which will decrease cravings by building up bulk in your GI track. Another great breakfast smoothie is banana (1), peanut butter (1 tsp), soy milk, almond milk, or skim milk (½ cup), honey (2 tsp) and low fat yogurt (about 6 ounces).

4. Take a 10 minute break in the middle of the day -- walk around the block or just push back from your desk and talk to a colleague about something other than your work. Even this short break will give you a mental energy boost.

5. Be sure to take a daily multi-vitamin: we use up more vitamins under stress and your multi will help replenish what you're burning through.

6. Steer clear of junk or highly processed foods. Your body needs nourishment when under strain so choose whole grains, fish and lean meats, veggies and fruits. But don't do without chocolate! Chocolate is rich in magnesium and potassium, two minerals that help promote the "relaxation response," as well as iron and zinc, which are minerals that many people don't often get enough of during the course of the day. Chocolate also contains a good amount of selenium, which enhances immune health. The ideal cocoa mass is 75% or more -- this will be clear on the label and is most often found in dark chocolate -- and the ideal portion is 1 ounce (about 1/3 of an average bar or roughly the size of the palm of a woman's hand).

7. Take a 20 minute daily walk -- around your neighborhood, to do an errand on your lunch break, or as part of your commute. Physical activity mobilizes endorphins, the "feel good" hormones. If you can't fit a full 20 minute walk, aim to simply add steps to your day -- take the stairs instead of the elevator or get off the bus or subway one stop shy of your destination and walk the rest of the way. Wear a pedometer to count your steps. People who use pedometers walk an average of one mile more than those who do not measure their steps!

8. Answer the question "What 5 things am I grateful for today?" You won't believe how good it feels to stop and take stock of all that is right in your life. Remind yourself of the abundance that you have. Reach out and appreciate those who contribute to making your life pleasant. Pin up a picture of your family that makes you smile or put up a quote on your refrigerator that inspires you.

9. Go visit a friend or loved one in person this week -- we all need each other and keeping in touch via phone or the internet is just not enough. Your oxytocin levels will rise with the pleasure and comfort of the company of a good friend. Oxytocin is a hormone that enhances a sense of belonging so get off email and stop texting -- spend some quality time with someone who makes you feel loved!

10. Do something kind for someone, compliment somebody, wish someone well. Reaching out to help someone reminds us of the interconnected nature of the human experience--and our capacity to aspire to our highest nature, something we often forget under stress. As the author of One Door Closes, Another Door Opens, Arthur Pine, put it "Caring can start a domino effect."

To reduce stress, and avoid SuperStress, try this today:

Simple as it sounds; focused breathing -- during which you think about your breath as you inhale and exhale -- is a very effective stress-management technique. A slow, full breath triggers physical and cognitive changes that promote relaxation. Deep breathing helps release tension and anxiety and is a great energizer because the deeper the breath, the more your body is flooded with life-fueling oxygen. A full breath begins with the diaphragm pushing downward so that the stomach extends out. As your lungs fill with air, your chest expands. When you exhale, the reverse occurs -- your chest settles first and then your stomach.

* When anxiety strikes or you find yourself focusing on negative thoughts, immediately exhale through your mouth.
* Now, breathe in through your nose, drawing in a fresh, cleansing air to the count of four.
* Exhale again slowly to the count of five.
* Repeat four times.

***

Roberta Lee, M.D., author of The SuperStress Solution, is vice chair of the Department of Integrative Medicine, director of Continuing Medical Education, and co-director of the Fellowship in Integrative Medicine at Beth Israel's Continuum Center for Health and Healing at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York City. Dr. Lee attended George Washington University Medical School and is one of the four graduates in the first class from the Program of Integrative Medicine at the University of Arizona conducted by Andrew Weil, M.D.

Connie Bennett: 7 Tips To Relieve Holiday Stress

2009-12-02T16:16:34Z

While 'tis the season to be merry, for many of us, it's also a season for stress, anxiety and angst, which leads us to behave in ways we're sure to regret later. During this time of year, people often resort to bad habits--they may cave into sugar cravings, go for the booze and overdose on caffeine.

In part, that's because, during the holidays, people tend to experience heightened emotions. You may feel overcome by loneliness, become annoyed by meddling relatives or lose patience with your loved ones. And in the present economy, you also may be worried about how you'll be able to pay for good gifts without maxing out your credit cards.

In fact, the American Psychological Association (APA) found that nearly half of all women in the United States experience heightened stress during the holidays, which puts their health at risk. Another study showed that during this time, 41 percent of women use food and 28 percent use alcohol.
Unless you lean on effective relaxation and self-love techniques, as well as positive self-talk, all your worries may trigger overeating or binging, overloading on alcohol, arguments with your loved ones, skipping regular exercise, not getting enough sleep and neglecting your needs.

Of course, we all that devouring a bag of cookies, guzzling booze, venting to a loved one or spending too much money on holiday presents are not smart ways to sooth your holiday stress.

To help you have a happy season, here are 7 Tips to Relieve Holiday Stress.

1. Take calm-down breaks. Soon after you awake, close your eyes, take several deep breaths and meditate or just relax. Imagine yourself in a beautiful place, think of a happy memory or visualize yourself succeeding at a cherished goal. "Quieting down your mind before you begin your day can help it get off to a great start and things will flow for you," says Debra Berndt, an expert in creative visualization and hypnosis and author of the upcoming book, Let Love In: Open Your Heart and Mind to Attract Your Ideal Partner. In addition, whenever you get stressed out, anxious or feel overwhelmed during the day, take quick relaxation breaks of 1 to 5 minutes to calm yourself down. Conscious, slow breathing can help you when you're feeling frustrated waiting in line at the supermarket, post office or drug store.

2. Put on rose-colored glasses. When people try to push their bad habits on you during this holiday season, tune into their motivations. For instance, before you get annoyed at Aunt Jane, who keeps urging you to try a piece of her apple pie, or your co-worker Frank, who keeps trying to fill your glass with booze, first take a deep breath. Then, step into their shoes and realize that Jane is just showing that she loves you, and Frank is merely trying to be convivial. Then graciously thank them for their misguided attention. Rather than view your situation with annoyance, be grateful instead.

3. Get moving. Perhaps one of the best ways to overcome stress during the holidays or any other time is to exercise regularly. Research shows that physical activity not boosts your fitness and energy levels but can also elevate your moods. In addition, exercise has been found to reduce anger, tension, fatigue and confusion. Despite the many demands on your time, this is not the season to stop exercising. Indeed, when regular exercisers are inactive, they begin to feel depressed and fatigued after just one week, according to a study from scientists at the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences in Bethesda, Maryland. Exercise also can give you that much-acclaimed "runner's high." Indeed, research shows that rigorous physical activity of any kind pumps up production of endorphins, your body's feel-good neurotransmitters.

4. Go for real foods mostly. Inevitably, at this time of year, you'll be tempted with sugary, empty-calorie "treats" just about wherever you go. But to be your most energetic, focused and happy self, it's best to eat foods that grow on trees or on the ground (vegetables and fruits) and to choose healthy fats (such as olive oil and flax seeds), lean protein (such as fish and organic chicken) and legumes, nuts and seeds.

5. Take polite portions of "comfort" foods and drinks. During the holidays, it's easy to "fall off the wagon" and use--or over-use--alcohol, sugar and caffeine. It's best to think before yu treat your body like a trash can instead of a temple. The best way to stay true to the best you is to limit your consumption of such comfort or pleasure foods and drinks as apple pie, cookies, pasta and eggnog. When offered these and other "goodies," try to take three to five "polite" bites and sips--and only after having a well-balanced meal with smart carbs (vegetables, fruits or whole grains), fats and protein. (See Tip #4.) Be aware that if you're a sugar addict, you must be especially vigilant when it comes to desserts and quickie carbs.

6. Prepare "Nice To Do For Me" and "Need to Do For You" lists. Writing down all that you have to do during the holidays will help you realize how do-able your tasks are. Be realistic as to what you put on your lists. Then start tackling one item from each list in turn. For example, after buying gifts for your mom or significant other, take time to work out, too. By alternating between lists, you won't feel deprived, because you're being good to yourself. Better yet, as Cheryl Richardson suggests in her fabulous book, Take Time for Your Life: A 7-Step Program for Creating the Life You Want, prepare an "Absolute Yes" list, which will reflect priorities that inspire you to use your gift of time well. "When you practice extreme self-care and put yourself first, you are then fully available to others without resentment or anger," she aptly points out.

7. Be generous. One of the best ways to stay calm, content and cheerful this time of year is to act generously with your loved ones, co-workers and friends. This doesn't have to mean you're spending a lot of money. You can be generous with your compliments. You can generously offer to do a loved one's dreaded errand. You can generously write a fun, short poem. When you are creative with your gifts and thank you's, people will appreciate your real, heartfelt sentiments.

To help you calm down more this season, creative visualization and hypnosis expert Debra Berndt are offering a life-changing teleseminar, Relieve Holiday Stress, on Wed., Dec. 2 at 8 pm EST. Debra--author of the upcoming book, Let Love In: Open Your Heart and Mind to Attract Your Ideal Partner, has been praised for her tremendous success with helping people to let go of anxiety and stress so they can relax, meditate and be happy.

Our Release Holiday Stress teleseminar on Dec. 2--which is free to attend live and also available via audio replay--may help you to:

Lose or maintain weight;

Be happier throughout the holiday season and beyond;

• Relax around your family and friends;

• Curb your sugar cravings;

• Achieve peace of mind no matter what;

• Find love or get along better with your partner;

• Feel good about your body no matter what;

• Be calm when you're short on funds;

• Attract money;

• Exude confidence; and

• Become the master of your life by dissolving your stresses

Sign up now for this free Dec. 2 teleseminar, which is expected to fill up quickly. If you can't make the program live, just order your replay now. In fact, we highly recommend that you get a replay even if you also listen live. That way, you can relax repeatedly instead of letting holiday worries overcome you.

Rest assured that unlike previous holiday seasons, you can leave your stresses behind. Use the above 7 Tips to Relieve Holiday Stress and attend our Relieve Holiday Stress program (either live on Dec. 2 or later, at your convenience) so you can cheerfully breeze through the holidays with peace of mind.

Isha Judd: Where Does True Beauty Lie?

2009-12-02T15:32:56Z

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. It is a subjective vision, a unique perspective that reflects our internal perception. Our individual memories consider certain things to be comforting or beautiful; for others, these same images may seem mundane or even unattractive. My British Bulldog Elizabeth is a perfect example of this. I have never seen anything more beautiful. The love she radiates, her special personality, her devotion; I find delight in all her idiosyncrasies. Yet as I walk down the street with her, mothers tend to grasp their children, desperately pulling them away from the clutches of this ferocious creature. Such is the nature of perception.

Our perceptions have been tainted by the experiences of our lives. Often, the fears and shocks of childhood have blinded us from the beauty that surrounds us, as we have shut down to the world, in order to protect ourselves from potential danger.

But how can we clean the glass of our perception, to see the beauty of the world anew, like a child?

Whenever you see something in your surroundings that you don't like, go inwards and see what it makes you feel. Often, you will find that you have some cellular memory of an event that happened in the past, which left an emotional charge in relation to what is happening now. If you allow yourself to feel that emotion, you will find that the internal discontent disappears, and you are able to embrace what is happening with more innocence and joy. In many cases, the external cause of your distress will also change, or even disappear completely. This is especially important in our personal relationships; the closest people to us are often our clearest mirrors, and more than often than not, the things we reject in those people are aspects of ourselves that we are not willing to accept.

I always tried to change the world; ultimately I ended up changing myself, and then the world changed automatically. Any attempt at changing the world that does not begin with internal change will ultimately fail; if I am focused on what is wrong, I will find an unending list of problems. Even in paradise, our whole focus will drift to the one plastic bottle that's been washed up on the shore, or the garbage bag blowing in the wind. All of a sudden, our paradise loses its splendor, as the restless mind claims it as yet another project to be fixed; something else to worry about.

When we start to become the love, we perceive beauty in everything. It could be a champion golden retriever at Crufts, or a scabby street dog - with dubious pedigree to say the least - in each individual representation of unconditional love, we start to discover beauty. This beauty can only be perceived from emptiness: devoid of the comparisons and opinions of a persona constructed through our interactions with society, the true beauty of creation reveals itself to us. In emptiness, the mirror of the world reflects only the light of love.

They say that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder; if only we could all perceive beauty with the eye of totality, each unique expression of existence on this planet perceived in its perfection. If only we could see beyond the judgements and opinions that separate us, that divide nations, races and ideologies, that create the illusion of "us and them", the need to defend what is "ours" and to protect ourselves from a seemingly hostile and unpredictable world.

Where can you find beauty? If you look, you will discover it. And if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then by changing the beholder, we can indeed change the world.

You can receive notice of this blog every week by clicking on "Become a Fan" at the top of this page.

Isha's latest book and movie, Why Walk When You Can Fly? explains her system for self-love and the expansion of consciousness. Her website is www.whywalkwhenyoucanfly.com.

Christine Hassler: How To Deal With Stress

2009-12-02T12:01:39Z

Dear Christine,

Since I transitioned from undergrad, I feel as though I've been drinking from a fire hose! New job, new city, new friends, new home, new responsibilities, new challenges. No matter how exhilarating this period can be, it's inevitable that STRESS can creep in at certain times. I realize that life stressors will never back off, take a vacation and say, "Okay, I'll give you a pass this once." In fact, I welcome the challenge of learning how to manage it. However, it tends to take its toll in waves--some weeks are easier than others. Any advice?
Stressing to de-stress, 22, Washington DC

Dear Stressing to De-Stress,

Stress is something that plagues most of us in some way or another. Learning how to manage stress is hot topic especially during your twenties when there can be quite a lot of transitions and unknowns. To me, stress is not something to "manage" since managing stress implies that it is still going to be there. Wouldn't you rather eliminate stress by learning how to respond to it in more life-enhancing ways?

For years I tried to learn how to "manage" stress. I read books, went to yoga classes, scheduled in down time, spent time in nature and so on but I found that there was a huge roadblock to having any of these things be effective stress management techniques: my mind. Even in the midst of a great hike overlooking a beautiful view my thoughts would wander to my to-do or worry list. Or I'd be so busy that I'd find myself rushing to make it to a yoga class and be even more mentally stressed out by the time I got there! Instead of trying to manage stress by doing other things, I have found the key is to learn how to RESPOND to stress by making my mind (the true beholder of all stress) my ally rather than my nemesis.

Most stress comes in two forms: anxiety and overwhelm. Anxiety is when we are stressed about things that have not happened yet, things we are anticipating. Anxiety is basically future based worrisome thinking. Overwhelm occurs when there is so much on our plate and our thoughts become burdened with constant to-dos and a sense that we will never catch up.

When you are experiencing stress you are either anxious or in overwhelm and there are effective ways to respond to each. Let's tackle anxiety first. I guarantee you that if you are feeling anxious your mind is in the future. It is impossible to feel anxiety when you are in the present moment; thus, bringing your full attention and awareness to the here and now is the quick-fix to anxiety. You can do this by paying attention to your breathing, your body, or any other physical experience you are feeling, seeing, tasting, or hearing.

Staying in the present moment is challenging for all of us, especially when there is a specific thing that you are worried about so I want to also offer you a mental technique that combats anxiety. Imagine whatever the future event is that you are concerned about in your mind but visualize it going exactly the way you want it to go. Really bring it to life in your mind; see it, feel it, sense it, and watch it happen in a way that exceeds your best case scenario. Spend about a minute positively and powerfully visualizing the event or circumstance you are stressed about and then project yourself in your mind 15 minutes past the successful completion of the event so that you are now looking back on it. And now notice what happened to the feeling of anxiety? It will be gone!

Now onto dealing with overwhelm. We experience this feeling when we have too much vagueness in our mind and we are not focused on specific and immediate action steps. Overwhelm happens when we become so burdened by EVERYTHING that we have a hard time focusing on ANY ONE THING. The key to responding to overwhelm is a process called chunking down which is breaking down your "everything" into small, manageable parts. Write down each of the to-do items or things you have hanging over your head and then begin a process of chucking them down vertically from big-picture intangibles to specific tangibles. Let's use the example of getting all your holiday gifting complete by chucking down from most vague and far off in future to the most specific and immediate action step you can take:

• Being complete with holiday shopping
• Wrapping gifts
• Going to specific store on a specific day (repeat until complete)
• Scheduling in time to shop
• Making a list of stores I need to go to
• Online shopping for gifts I can get online
• Brainstorm gift ideas for each person
• Making a list of who I have to buy for*

Now we are at a specific, manageable step: *making a list. As soon as you arrive at this chunked down step, move into action. Overwhelm begins to disappear as soon as we move out of reaction to our seemingly overwhelming to-do list and into being proactive! Our mind is a lot calmer when we give it something tangible and do-able to focus on.

Another thing to consider when stress comes in is to take a mental vacation by recalling a time when you did feel totally at peace and relaxed. Instead of the stress taking hold of you, take hold of it. Reassure yourself that you are capable of letting go of stress even when a lot is going on. Life will continually throw us curve balls and most of us are in the habit of creating never-tending to-do lists so rather making stress your enemy, accept it and learn how to respond to it. Instead of always needing a vacation, use your mind to become a master of sending stress away on vacation!

-Christine

Send your questions to christineAThuffingtonpost.com

Dr. Judith Rich: Going Gift-Free: More Joy, Less Stress

2009-12-02T11:26:03Z

Last year, my family and I decided to ban presents at Christmas. Seriously, we'd all gotten so "done" on the whole gift-giving thing, we found it had lost all meaning. The Christmas morning unwrapping activity had become a predictable chore, with too much wrapping paper and ribbon and too many empty boxes to be flattened for the recycle bin.

And although nobody came right out and said so, the joy in getting all those gifts was extremely short-lived. Not really worth all the time and energy it took to shop for and wrap the presents, then pay the bills, come January.

Last holiday season, the economy was in the tank and frugality was the name of the game. So we decided to play the frugality game to the hilt and went cold turkey. No warm up, we just jumped in. I don't know if we thought at the time we'd love the experience so much we'd opt for it again this year, but that's what's happened.

We informed our friends of our decision and asked them to support our choice by not giving us any gifts, since we wouldn't be giving them any. Some of them grumbled and put up resistance. But they humored us and went along with the plan.

Our gift-free experience was liberating! No trips to the mall (does anyone really like malls, anyway?) to roam aimlessly around, looking for just the right thing for Aunt Eloise. No sitting in traffic or vying for parking spaces. No furious last minute wrapping sessions or running out of paper since there was nothing to wrap.

Christmas morning, we got up leisurely, made a nice, big, breakfast then took a family hike. Later in the day, friends joined us and we had a gingerbread house competition (we "cheated" and used pre-fab kits) and cooked a holiday dinner. Our day was easy, stress free and fun! (A note on the pre-fab kits- if we do this again, I'll opt to bake the gingerbread part from scratch. It was our inaugural attempt and we weren't quite sure what we were getting ourselves into. A homemade gingerbread house HAS to be better than the kits!)

Fast forward to this year. This year out comes Joel Waldfogel's new book, Scroogenomics, published by Princeton University Press and now I see that unknowingly, we have become part of a movement to curb consumer spending and recoup the original spirit of giving at this time of year.

Waldfogel, the Ehrenkranz Professor and Chair of Business and Public Policy at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, is not completely anti-gifts. He thinks we should stop giving gifts however, to those people to whom we feel obligated to give but don't really know their likes, wants or needs.

Take for example, the reindeer sweater from Grandma or that crazy patterned tie from Aunt Lucy. There may be sentimental value here, but will you ever wear them? Are they worth to you what the giver paid? Chances are they're not. And it's that differential between the money paid and the value received that Waldfogel calls "dead weight loss". He argues that our consumer spending habits at the holidays generates a vast amount of economic waste- as much as 85 billion dollars each winter.

Think about it. When you buy something for yourself, every dollar spent produces at least a dollar in satisfaction because we tend to choose for ourselves those things that are worth more to us than what we paid. When we buy for others, we make less informed choices and end up spending more than what the gift is worth to the recipient, leaving them less than satisfied. Waldfogel calls this "an orgy of wealth destruction".

What's the solution? Well, this might sound crass, but if you must give a gift, Waldfogel says to give cash or a gift card. Neither of these solutions is very satisfying to most people, although he promotes the idea of giving charity gift cards. You can gift someone a donation to their favorite charity, something most people would consider a luxury.

There are exceptions to the Scroogenomics philosophy of no gifts, namely; it's good and proper to gift those people whose wants and likes you know, like family members, friends, significant others and children. The holidays are synonymous with gifts in the eyes of children so they shouldn't be left out in the cold, according to Waldfogel.

Here is where my personal philosophy about gifting begins to depart from his. Parents have a golden opportunity to begin teaching their children at an early age, the value of giving something that requires a bit of sacrifice. So while I'm not advocating empty stockings for kids, how about giving a child that one big thing they want most and let the rest of the "gifting" be about opportunities for family connection at the holidays?

Children will remember a family trip to the ice-skating rink and hot chocolate afterwards long after the thrill of a new toy has worn off. Begin by planning holiday activities that bring family members together in meaningful ways and might even make a difference to someone in the community.

Here are 10 ideas for how to celebrate a gift-free Christmas or Hanukah with your children:

1) Adopt a needy family. Prepare a holiday meal and deliver it. Involve your children in the grocery shopping and food preparation activities.
2) Build a ginger bread house together, then donate it to a charity or take it to a children's hospital.
3) Organize a coat drive or a canned-food drive and donate them to your local food bank.
4) Go caroling at a local senior center or convalescent home.
5) Bring cookies and milk to an elderly neighbor. Maybe even read them a Christmas or Hanukah story.
6) Teach your children to make hand-made gifts, like potholders. Both boys and girls enjoy this activity and feel a sense of accomplishment in the finished product.
7) Host a cookie exchange. Involve the kids in baking 3 dozen different kinds of cookies. Invite their friends to come, bringing their own cookies they've made. Everyone leaves with 3 dozen new cookies to share with their families and guests.
8) A variation on the baking theme: make banana or zucchini bread and homemade jam to wrap and give to neighbors. Let the children be the delivery people.
9) White Elephant Gifts- Every year, my daughter and her roommate give a holiday party for about 50 people and everyone brings a wrapped "white elephant" gift. This is an old tradition that becomes especially fun when people start "exchanging" the gift they picked for one they like better. You never know what you're going to end up with until the very last person has picked. Believe it or not, this gift exchange is the highlight of the holiday season for those who attend and the guest list keeps growing every year. Some white elephant gifts make encore appearances year after year.
10) Have a craft day and invite the neighborhood kids. Set up a work area and put out some fresh clay or large pieces of butcher paper and paints. Be sure to have kids bring a big shirt or an apron to protect their clothes. They create something from scratch, the best kind of gift!

This idea isn't necessarily for everyone, but it's an idea that merits some mindful attention. It's simply a choice about how you want to spend your resources; time, energy and money, and the experience you want to create at the end of the day. It's also a choice about how you see yourself contributing to the sustainability of the planet. It might seem like a big step to go gift free all at once, so perhaps you'd like to take this year to ease into it by preparing your family with some of the simple alternatives I've suggested. Have fun with this and let me know how it goes.

Have you already gone gift-free or are you contemplating it? Please stop by the comment section and share your ideas about gift-free alternatives for the holidays. We're all searching for how to bring more joy and less stress to this time of year. Please share the wealth!

Another way to share the wealth is by posting this article to your FB page, and Digging Buzzing and Tweeting! And if you're not already a Fan, become one. We're a friendly bunch. Please also feel free to stop by my personal blog and website: Rx For The Soul where you can leave personal messages for me.

Happy gift-free holidays!
Judith

Delia Lloyd: 5 Ways To Stay On Top Of Your To Do List

2009-12-02T10:00:34Z

I got a status update from a friend on Facebook last night that read something like this: "The ironing pile just never goes away! I've tried not ironing...but I hate wrinkly clothes. And the pile just keeps growing!"

I know. I know. Your first thought is "Don't iron!" but it's clearly important to her. (She confessed later on that she even irons her kids' undershirts...Wow!) And let's face it. Taking four people's clothes to a dry cleaner is both absurdly expensive...and just plain absurd. So instead, my friend irons - and irons - but the pile just keeps growing.

We all have our ironing piles. For some, it's our email inbox. (Guilty!) For others, it's the endless pile of bills to pay. And at this time of year, the number of piles just continues to mount: holiday presents...holiday cards...holiday recipes. Calgone, take me away!

As I learned two weeks ago while taking a self-imposed vacation, you never completely eradicate your to-do list. But here are some tips to help reduce your "laundry":

1. Take control of one thing. As my life coach loves to remind me: "Stress occurs when you feel out of control." There are lots of things in life that we don't control: an ill relative...how many friends your kid has in school. But there are some things we do control and our stress is greatly reduced when we seize one of those and manage it. I recently realized that I was really stressed out because I hadn't yet purchased holiday gifts for the kids. So one night - even though the holidays were more than a month away - I sat down for 30 minutes, went through my mental list of what they wanted/needed/I could afford - and ordered a bunch of stuff on Amazon. I immediately felt calmer.

2. Divide your to-do list in half. I read about this tactic while sitting in a doctor's office one day. (Yes, on occasion, those brochures are useful!) The idea is to separate your to-do list into long-term and short-term items. Each day, you tick off one item from the short-term list (see #1). Each week, you take a concrete step towards something on the long-term list. So even if your long-term list contains such seemingly amorphous tasks as "figure out your religion" (mine does!), you can still phone one synagogue and arrange to attend a bagel brunch. Done.

3. Take something off your plate. I once attended a productivity seminar that was run by a ridiculously enthusiastic management consultant. What I remember most from that experience - other than the skip in his stride - was his mantra to "Get it off your plate." He maintained that the trick to a productive life lay in figuring out where to "send" something once it landed in your inbox. In my case, I like to think of this as finding a home for the things on your to-do list. It could be a physical home - a space for those single earrings/errant socks/stray Pokeman cards. Or it could be a virtual home. (My husband has a file called "history" where he stores all emails relating to landmark personal/family/professional events.) Whatever the strategy, when there is less clutter in and around your to-do list, you'll feel more relaxed.

4. Eliminate the shoulds. I've posted before that many of the things populating our to-do lists are things we really don't want to be doing, but feel we ought to be doing. And then we feel miserable that they don't get done. So the trick here, my friends - (much easier to preach than to practice, I'll grant you!) - is to be honest with yourself about which items aren't getting done because they are a "should." Just the other day, an old friend confessed to me that she hadn't yet sent out her - wait for it - holiday...cookies. What?? You send people cookies? I mean, what a lovely idea. And what a huge, annoying pain in the rear. "Do you like making cookies?" I asked her. She paused. "No. Not really," she confessed. "But I like the idea of doing it." Exhibit A.

5. Think in terms of weeks not days. This was one of the most helpful things my life coach ever suggested. She said that rather than trying to figure out which five things you can/will accomplish on any given day (and then despair when one or two fail to materialize), figure out what it is you'd like to have done by the end of the week. Then, if you miss the yoga class on Thursday morning because you have to attend a meeting, you can still reschedule it for Saturday and check that box. Try it!

Delia Lloyd is an American writer based in London. Her work has appeared in The International Herald Tribune, The Financial Times and The Guardian Weekly. She is a regular contributor to www.PoliticsDaily.com and blogs about adulthood at www.realdelia.com

Compulsive Hoarders Suddenly In The Spotlight

2009-12-01T18:15:00Z

Folks were shocked in early October when police forced their way into the home and discovered the 72-year-old DeOcampo dead, surrounded by six feet of garbage that packed the house.

Soren Gordhamer: When Our Cell Phone Owns Us

2009-12-01T14:41:19Z

I enjoy my gadgets as much as the next person. My cell phone is almost always with me, and I appreciate the direct and instant communication it provides. However, I have increasingly noticed how often these days people let them interrupt face-to-face communication. I cannot help but wonder sometimes, "Do we own our gadgets or are our gadgets beginning to own us?"

How many times, for example, have you been spending time with a friend in person, when his cell phone rang, and not even knowing who was calling or expecting an important call, he immediately vacates your discussion to take it? You are thus subjugated to a secondary citizen all because ... well, you happen to be physically present with him. His cell phone, in a very real way, runs his life, taking priority over just about every other facet, including friends, families, and partners. This seems a particular issue for business travelers:

In fact, in one study of 6500 business travelers, 35% said they would choose their PDA's or Blackberry's over their spouses.

The danger is not that we use cell phones, it is when communication via technology begins to override the communication with those right in front of us. We may be more connected with others via technology, but in the process we become more disconnected from our immediate friends and family.

Don't get me wrong. Calls often need to be taken, and text messages sent. Cell phones are incredibly useful. The difficulty is when we engage with them less based on a real need and more from an addiction -- a habitual impulse that makes us use them when it is not helpful or safe to do so, as seems to be the case with many young people these days. According to a study by The Pew Internet & American Life Project:

One in four (26%) of American teens of driving age say they have texted while driving, and half (48%) of all teens ages 12 to 17 say they've been a passenger while a driver has texted behind the wheel.

Now, I am not suggesting anything like "cell phone police," but I am suggesting more something like "mindfulness with cell phones." There is likely no way in hell most of our are going to give up our cell phone, but there is also likely no way in hell we can let them rule our lives. The key issue is not how many phone calls we make or text messages we send, but the quality of our engagement -- are we engaged habitually or consciously?

To do so consciously involves harnessing our attention, and asking in those moments when our cell rings, "Where is my attention most needed in this moment?" Some times, of course, our attention is most needed on the call coming from our cell, but there is a world of difference between taking it out of habit and addiction versus answering it from mindfulness and clarity. Until we can do the latter, in a very real way, we do not own our cell phone; it essentially owns us.

There is a story told by the Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh about a child who on his birthday was offered any possible gift by his father, a businessman who lived a very hectic life. After the father offered her anything materially she wanted, the child say to effect, "What I want most dad is your attention." It is the one thing the father had overlooked. And this direct attention is just as needed in friendships and business communication as it is between parent and child.

Knowing how and where we place our attention while living in our constantly connected age is no easy feat, but the beauty of this era, where we have so many cool communication technologies at our disposal, is that it is also a great Zen training. Every time our cell phone rings, it can be like a bell of mindfulness or a gentle slap from a Zen stick, reminding us of the importance of our conscious attention.

***

Soren Gordhamer is the author of Wisdom 2.0: Ancient Secrets for the Creative and Constantly Connected (HarperOne, 2009) and the organizer of the Wisdom 2.0 Conference.

Read more: Cell Phones, Zen, Information Overload, Technology, Minfulness, Internet Addiction, The Balanced Life, Living News

Mika Brzezinski: Work-Life Balance? Puh-leaase!

2009-11-30T17:26:33Z
In my job, as co-host of Morning Joe on MSNBC and The Joe Scarborough Show on WABC radio, there are usually several days a week that are endless.

Absolutely endless.

This is not a complaint. I love the job. I am extremely lucky to have a job and thank God for that every day. But literally, some days do not have an end.

I am up at 3:30, reading the op-ed pages and getting ready to be on the air by 6 am on the set of Morning Joe, and after three hours of TV and two hours on the radio, it is only 12 noon. The day seems like it is just beginning with meetings, phone calls, lunches, and events.

I see this as an incredible blessing. I love the challenge both intellectually and physically. I also value simply working. Feeling useful. After being let go from CBS and looking for a year for work, I will never catch myself complaining about being too busy.

Getting "let go" is about many things. Loss of financial security, first and foremost. It is also about a loss of identity. A loss of standing in the family. A loss of role as "provider." And thus, a recalibrating of your value at home and to the outside world.

More on all of that next week.

But this is more about work and identity and family being equally important and how it is impossible to calibrate all those moving parts together perfectly.

And contrary to the popular perception of some people who read my blogs, I did not work 80 hours a week in my 20's and 30's in between trips to the South of France. I worked because like many of you, I needed to pay a mortgage and hopefully take the kids to Florida in the winter.

I also have a scrappy side that loves to work long, hard days and "provide."

That was never more clear to me than when I had no job and no prospects.

I was never happier than when I finally landed a freelance, day rate, nightshift and weekend job at MSNBC after a year of rejection. It was a far cry from what I had at CBS, but by then, I had learned that the concept of "working" was in me.. no matter what people thought of me or even if the work isn't perfect.

But balance between work and family? Please.

Those who can strike it just right are better men than me.

And they probably ARE all men.

It seems when I was unemployed, I was home too much. And trust me when I tell you, few wanted me there full time (and that would include my husband), and even fewer could stomach my cooking.

However, it also seems when I am working, there is always too much to do and my family gets put on the back burner while I plow through the day.

In the journey of writing my upcoming book, All Things at Once, I send the message that you can be all things, just don't expect it to be perfect, and at times, don't be surprised if it is ugly. The book is not "advice" with a pretty bow at the end of the story.

Some may read it as a step forward for an honest look at the challenge of working womanhood. Others may see it as a cautionary tale because of the very big mistakes i have made along the way.

I confess.

I am a marathon worker and marathon mother. I'll spend three or four days completely swallowed up by work. And if I make it home in time to say good night, I may have one good hour with the girls, maybe a brief family dinner or a family walk with the dog, and then it is back on the computer to prepare for tomorrow's shows. This will happen in 24, 48 and sometimes even 72 hour cycles.

I also look for and grab opportunities to jump into motherhood.

On a random day, like Halloween weekend for example, I left at one, spent the afternoon, running with my older daughter, cutting pumpkins with her friends, sweaty, dirty and filthy.
I spent the rest of the day and into the night at a barn party with my youngest, trying to balance plastic frog-eyes on her costume. (They ended up looking like boobs) My eyes were bloodshot and I looked like death, but luckily, it was Halloween and for 72 hours, I was all theirs.

It is always a work in progress, trying to improve on the home front but never quite hitting a rhythm because of the unexpected nature of the news business. I know many fathers live like this -- on the road and always working on the next deal. Would this schedule sound so bad if I were a man?

My best friend's husband is away, on average, 4-5 days a week while she cares for their daughter. No one has ever criticized him. But she and I debate this endlessly.

Why? I think it is because to an extent, this appears to be my choice, and it is a challenge I enjoy. And for some reason, because I am "the mother," there is a very large school of thought that sees this choice as selfish.

Is it?

I desperately miss my girls when I am working, and I often feel guilty, but also feel the journey I am on is for them too. When I am on my 16th hour of a day and can barely keep my eyes open, they drive me forward.

But, yes, it is true. I refrain from saying "My children are 100 percent my first priority at all times."

I choose to put many other things on my plate too. For them, and for me. Is that OK to say? My best friend is not so sure it is.

For more visit www.morningmika.com

Read more: Working Women, Women Workers, Motherhood, Balancing Motherhood and Work, Women in Business, Life Work Balance, The Balanced Life, Living News

Susan Harrow: When Women Hate Their Bodies Men Suffer Too

2009-11-30T12:41:57Z

Sometimes men bear the biggest brunt of women's negative body image (NBO).

If she suffers, he suffers.

Body image expert Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life has worked with women and men to overcome their negative body image (NBO). She deals with the root causes and their consequences -- how their past experiences, memories, and repetitious self talk impacts how they deal with themselves and others in daily life, and in intimate settings, where NBO is often triggered.

Sarah Maria worked with one woman, Tawnya* (Name changed) who was thin, fit and exercised compulsively. Tawnya had tremendous anxiety about weight gain. When she got her breast implants the plastic surgeon said, "If I were you're husband I'd be glad you were doing this." But this wasn't the case. Her husband was happy with her body and happy with her. Tawnya hoped that the implants would make her feel more beautiful....

They didn't.

Even though she had been married to her husband for 30 years and had two grown children Tawyna had anxiety every time her husband glanced in the direction of another woman. She imagined that he didn't love her and would have an affair, even though there was no evidence of this and he had been faithful and attentive.

When Tawnya would get unreasonably jealous a vicious cycle would begin. Her husband would tell her to get over it and become irritated. Which in turn she would take as rejection and become frightened. When she'd break down sobbing he'd get more irritated. Her husband's frustration over the years was that nothing he did affected any change for Tawnya so why bother? He felt not only that he couldn't do anything but that he wanted to give up.

Sarah Maria worked with Tawnya to re-frame her feelings and actions. First, she suggested that instead of asking for approval and love Tawnya express her feelings saying something to the effect of: "I'm feeling anxious. Not because of you and what you've done, but because I'm feeling threatened." By expressing her anxiety Tawnya's husband didn't withdraw further or avoid dealing with her fearing that she would go into an an emotional tirade. He was then able to just sit and listen to her while she shared her feelings. By giving him something to do (listen) he felt connected to her and she, in turn, felt heard and didn't have the usual meltdown. So the dynamic shifted.

Soon after she began to work with Sara Maria Tawnya decided to get her implants removed saying, "They don't feel naturally a part of me anymore." The interns at the plastic surgeons' office thought it was weird, but she wasn't fazed by that. She had made her decision and felt confident of it.

Even though she no longer had large breasts, and was heavier than she was used to Tawnya felt happier and better about her body. She practiced yoga and continued to work on improving her relationship with her husband. "It comes down to loveability," says Sarah Maria. When you start to change the internal dialog the external reality changes and a new, more positive shift in experience happens.

Sarah Maria is the author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life. The book outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body and yourself. Click here to purchase your copy and begin to love your body today. To learn more about Sarah Maria and her work, you can visit her website at http://www.sarahmaria.com and http://www.breakfreebeauty.com.

Read more: Stress Eating, Self-Help, Lose Weight, Living News, Women and Body Image, Healthy Eating, Healthy Body, Mindful Eating, Eating Disorders, Health, Anorexia, Diet, Confidence, Wellness, Bulimia, Yoga, Self-Esteem, Women, Women's Health, Weight Loss, Body Image, Fitness, Models, Forget Perfect, Comfort Eating, Women's Issues, Obesity, Self-Improvement, Perfectionism, Weight Gain, The Balanced Life, Living News

David Suissa: Finding The Courage To Be Grateful

2009-11-27T11:13:08Z
It's one thing to know what to do; it's another thing to be able to do it. We know we are supposed to be grateful for all of life's blessings. We know that when hardship or tragedy strikes, we're supposed to keep our chins up and try to transform tragedy into action - turn negatives into positives, move forward no matter what, and so on.

But over the past few weeks, it dawned on me that gratitude is a lot easier said than done. We can talk about this virtue and easily buy into it, but when reality strikes, it's another story.

This hit home the other night at a memorial service for a 3-year-old girl who was run over by a school bus in Jerusalem. The girl's extended family in Los Angeles, close friends of mine, asked me to say a few words. I had no idea what to say. I got up in front of 300 people and told them exactly that: I have no clue what to say.

I was in no mood to "spin" the situation and hand over the clichés of transformation and gratitude. Sure, there are always blessings to be thankful for, but how can anything alleviate such a singular and unspeakable loss?

A few nights later, I attended a fundraiser at A Cow Jumped Over the Moon, a kosher restaurant and music club on Rodeo Drive, for the manager, Sacha Chalom Louza, who recently underwent surgery to remove a brain tumor. Louza is a Sephardic Jew who prays at the Chabad of South La Cienega (known as SOLA), and his friends in the community are raising money to help cover his living expenses while he undergoes treatment.

At the fundraiser, the SOLA rabbi got up and spoke powerfully about the Jewish way of reacting to tragedy and hardships. He mentioned the worldwide efforts to commemorate the murders a year ago of the Chabad emissaries in Mumbai, Rabbi Gavriel and Rivka Holtzberg, and how Chabad was aiming to transform that atrocity into a positive force for the world. Yet as he spoke, I couldn't help thinking about the parents of the murdered couple and wondering what kind of "transformation" or "gratitude" could possibly alleviate their loss.

A third event also made me think about the difficulty of gratitude. A couple of weeks ago, our family hosted about 40 special needs kids, along with teenage volunteers and some parents, for a Friday night meal. They were all part of Etta Israel, a local organization that helps kids with Down syndrome, autism and other special needs.

At the end of the evening, as we were all saying our goodbyes, one of the more severely disabled kids kept making a "phone me" sign toward me. He wanted me to call him and stay in touch. As I looked at his forlorn face, again I thought: What does this kid have to be thankful for?

As things would have it, something did happen that night that helped me see things in a broader light. By some divine coincidence, the grandfather of the 3-year-old girl killed in Jerusalem was in my neighborhood that Shabbat, and he ended up joining us for the Friday night meal. Knowing that he was in deep mourning, I was uncomfortable at first. But then he told me the story of how the Lubavitcher Rebbe, while mourning his beloved wife, was able to "switch off" his grief during Shabbat because the mitzvah of joy transcended everything.

Well, my friend was able to emulate his Rebbe. Surrounded by the loud and happy Etta Israel kids, he switched from his state of mourning to a state of Shabbat joy. As I watched him sing and tell stories of the biblical patriarchs, I saw a transformation that came not from a self-help cliché, but from the story of a 5,000-year-old tradition.

It struck me that perhaps this idea of having our own story is itself transformational.

Just like we can draw strength from the master story of the Jewish people, we each have our own stories that we can nurture and shape and draw strength from. As Rabbi Naomi Levy told me a few days ago, while talking about a new book she is writing, some of these stories are more difficult or tragic than others, some are easier, but for better or for worse they are our stories - the stories that we are called upon to make our own.

As we live out these stories, we make choices. We can choose to rally a community and help a friend with a brain tumor; we can choose to give a few hours of joy to a group of kids with special needs; and we can learn to appreciate the gifts of our tradition, which include a day of the week that can transcend the deepest grief.

Maybe, then, this is the blessing that we have to be most grateful for: the very idea that we each have a story we can call our own, and that we have the power to shape and influence that story - even if we can never write its ending.
Read more: Lubavitcher Rebbe, A Cow Jumped Over the Moon, Grateful for All of Life's Blessings, Sacha Chalom Louza, Thanksgiving Commentary, Thanksgiving, The Balanced Life, Living News

The Art of Slow: Just Say No!

2009-11-27T09:13:29Z
Now, more than ever, we need to utilize the tiniest complete sentence the English language has to offer. Are you ready? Say it with me now: No!
Read more: Stress, Just Say No, Overworked, Work Life Balance, Relationships, Slow Living, Unplug and Recharge, Commitment, Anxiety, The Balanced Life, Slow, Living News

Rachael Freed: Legacy: Expressing Gratitude At Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T17:04:26Z
Thanksgiving is our most celebrated American holiday. It's our day to connect with each other and to strengthen our gratitude muscles as we gather to celebrate bounty and eat together. It's a time when the legacy of family ritual is repeated and remembered. We feel belonging and our hearts open.

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
- William Arthur Ward

Some suggestions/action steps:

Prepare ribbons or colorful paper strips: two (2) for everyone. Have pens or markers available.
Before sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner, invite everyone* to write three (3) things they're grateful for on this day, Thanksgiving, 2009. The strips can be signed or not as each individual chooses.

* "Everyone" includes all but infants and toddlers. By the age of four, gratitude can be nurtured. Children under the age of writing can be coached by an older child or an adult.

Repeat this process asking each person to write a Thanksgiving blessing for the family, tribe, country, or the world.

Collect the gratitudes &/or blessings in separate crystal bowls, hand-thrown pots, or plain paper bags.

Pass the bowl/pot/bag around the Thanksgiving table before the meal, asking each person to pick a gratitude (so they are not reading their own) to read aloud for all to hear. Repeat for the blessings.

Collect the gratitudes and/or blessings and preserve them in a book. Include a list of everyone present (and their ages), the location and date of the celebration, the menu, even a special recipe, as well as photos of the people and the table. Copies of the Thanksgiving book make great holiday gifts for all the family.

May your legacy activities evoke gratitude in you and all your loved ones at this time of Thanksgiving. - Rachael Freed

You can find out more about communicating and preserving your legacy (ethical will) at www.Life-Legacies.com. Email: Rachael@Life-Legacies.com
The author of Women's Lives, Women's Legacies, Passing Your Beliefs and Blessings to Future Generations, Rachael is a Senior Fellow at the University of Minnesota's Center for Spirituality and Healing, clinical social worker, adult educator, and legacy consultant. She is based in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Read more: Thanksgiving, Legacy, Gratitude, Blessings, The Balanced Life, Living News

Marc Lesser: The Joy Of Failure

2009-11-25T15:57:53Z

"My life is one learning experience after another; by the end of the week I should be a genius."

"I failed!" One of the exercises I like to do in my seminars and trainings with leaders in the business world or the non-profit world is have everyone stand up, throw their arms above their heads, and with great enthusiasm and joy, proclaim - "I failed!" It usually takes doing this about three times to let go of the tightness, the awkwardness and self-judgment, and to relax into the possibility of enjoying failure, embracing failure, learning and being transformed by failure.

A college professor in one of my workshops found this exercise to be life-changing. He was so conditioned to succeed and to avoid failure at all cost, that taking joy in failure, even just for a few moments, lifted an enormous weight off of his shoulders that he had been carrying around his entire life.

When we can relax and open ourselves to the myriad small failures, it actually increases our ability to perform at higher levels, and reduces the risk of larger failures that might have important consequences. It's somewhat like the rocket that goes from the earth to the moon - though a clear path is projected, in reality, the rocket is constantly veering off the projected path, quickly responding and adjusting, and returning to the path - one constant adjustment after another, until it lands where it is supposed to. Our daily lives are often much like this.

When we are paying attention, failure happens much of the time, in small and large ways - an email I sent with a spelling error; a false assumption I made about something my wife said; eating that piece of chocolate I had decided to avoid. Accepting failure and embracing change have become buzzwords, clichés in our culture, making us to miss the power and potential of actually looking at failure and change through a new lens. It takes slowing down enough, listening with fresh ears and seeing with fresh eyes.

I avoid failure as much as possible. I want to succeed, not fail. I want to look smart, successful and competent. And, as much as I hate to admit it, some of the most valuable growth and development have come through difficulty and failure.

During this time of year, with the holidays approaching, I find there are even more opportunities for failure - burning the turkey, forgetting to invite or acknowledge someone, saying the wrong thing, and so on. In some ways, the more we care, the more we open our hearts, the more we want everything to go as planned, to meet our visions of perfection, of success that we hold dear.

My heart, like yours, is tender. In fact, this is one of the great benefits of so-called "failures." Failure can soften our hearts, and allow us to see and connect with the tender hearts of others.

The challenge is: How can we keep our hearts open and be kind to ourselves and others, right in the midst of difficulty and failure?

Here are a few ways to embrace , cultivate, and learn from failure:
1) "I failed" - A starting point is to acknowledge mistakes and failure. Usually we try to hide, avoid or minimize our failures. In my seminars, once we do the "I failed" exercise, whenever someone makes a mistake they take great joy in throwing their arms in the air and proclaim "I failed!" As the workshop leader, I too find great joy in admitting my failures. Bringing some version of this into my work and my relationships - embracing and poking fun at my failures - transforms the entire sense of "failure."

2) Breathe - Instead of tightening with failure, experiment with noticing your breath. Your breath is always there. Think, "I am breathing; I am alive," right in the midst of difficulty and failure.

3) Solutions - Instead of tightening and being self-critical around failure, try inquiring about solutions. Experiment with asking yourself what you can learn from failure. What might you do differently next time? What adjustments and responses can you make, as you learn and grow from failure?

It is sometimes said that the life of a Zen teacher (or anyone for that matter) can be described as "one mistake after another."

Read more: The Inner Life, Wellness, Work/Life Balance, The Balanced Life, Living News

Dr. Cara Barker: Biting The Vampire Back: 8 Measures To Protect Your Vital Force

2009-11-25T09:27:19Z
We may live 150 miles from Forks, Washington, the setting for the Twilight Series' "New Moon," but we're hardly free from vampires. Neither are you. At least, when it comes down to 'Vampire Thinking.' Maryde, a native of the Pacific Northwest and 43-year-old C.P.A. has first-hand knowledge of this subject! When she came for a consultation a month ago, she put it this way: "I need to ward off my yearly pre-holiday attacks of self-recrimination, and self-criticism. I need to get 'my mind right' so the blood-suckers leave me alone!"

What is 'Vampire Thinking'? Vampires feed on the vulnerable, draining the susceptible of vitality and connection to the heart's desire. The roots of the very word, 'vampire,' go back to 1734, which refers to the "corpse that comes to life at night, seeking nourishment by sucking the blood of sleeping persons, preying upon others." When we've fallen 'asleep,' and are on 'automatic pilot,' we, like Maryde in year's past, become prey.

Let me give you a few examples: The 'inner vampire' goes into a feeding frenzy wherever we've left our dreams and desires unguarded. In an uncanny way, 'it' sniffs out the possibility for new life, and gobbles up whatever 'blood' is needed. Consider the last time you had the tiniest inkling to bring something alive in your life, yet it vanished before there was time for it to be nourished.

By way of example, just today my own 'vampire-ness' took a bite out of my urge to write this, saying: "Why bother? Who cares? You've written enough over the past 15 months. You don't get paid, anyway. The world can go on with one less article." Fortunately, we all know what it means to be under self-attack, the domain of the vampire. We are not alone.

How Can We Fight Back? Biting 'the Inner Vampire' back is a matter of refocusing on what you do want to create that will promote a balanced life, and restore inner peace. Thanks to HP reader, Retrofuturistic, we have an example of where to begin. Responding to last week's "The Art of Rewriting the Holidays," the reader shared: "I wish I didn't feel the obligation to celebrate any holidays. I am absolutely not a Christian, yet I am trapped by the traditions of my family and expectations that I myself have created into jumping through all the Christmas hoops.

I would rather skip all holidays. And then if I wanted to buy someone a present, or have a picnic, or pass out some candy, I could do it, without the cultural and commercial imperatives attached to it."

There you have it. Let's refocus. What if we practiced removing attention from what drains us, and choose to take proactive steps towards what revitalizes? In Maryde's case, I asked her to list all the 'shoulds, oughts,' and conventions which have seduced her away from her own well-being. She did so. Like Retrofuturistic, tops on her list were jumping through family holiday hoops by "trying too hard, spending too much, and trying to please everyone, even the psychic vampires!" She added "holiday parties."

Vampire Thinking has a field day with us during the holidays! Sometimes it shows up in external forms, as draining, needy people. Sometimes it is internal. Women can be especially at risk, in ways men might not understand. (Sorry, guys, but this tends to be the case more times than not.) How many times have you heard a girlfriend, or the friend staring back at you in the mirror, exclaim: "I don't want to go to that party. I'm too fat. I have nothing to wear that doesn't make me look like a cow." Or, "I probably will go dateless on New Year's Eve. I hate my life!"

In men, the vampire's more likely to appear in chatter that sounds like this: "I never get it right. No matter what gift I give her, it's not the right one. I'm lousy at gifts, and just wait for the last minute, hoping the whole obligation will just go away. I start out knowing I'll blow it."

Gender aside, the vampire depletes vitality when it insists we violate our own boundaries, and go where it's unhealthy. Beneath the public smile may lurk the private thought, like Maryde's, such as: "I don't want to go because my mother/father/sister/brother fill-in-the-blank, is always such a pain in the a--. It's just a matter of time before they are drinking too much/arguing too much/talking religion/politics/fill-in/the-blank-too much...So-and-so is never grateful...."

Just in case you're Vampire Thinking hasn't shown up by this Thanksgiving, stand guard for Black Friday, or CyberMonday. Our 'Vampire' rejoices at our craving the 'more,' when the less is so enriching. Consider these wise words voiced by Angie Cordero, another reader to whom I'm indebted, whose pledge against the Vampire is to:

"Be more, buy less.
Listen more, talk less.
Chew more, eat less.
Walk more, drive less.
Laugh more and de-stress."

I don't know about you, but I'm taking on this chant for myself this year!

8 Measures We Can Take to Prevent the Vampire from Feeding Off Us.

Maryde reports today that doing the following has successfully launched her holiday season. Likewise, they can work for you. Start with selecting a buddy, and sharing
findings from each step.

1. Make your own list of oughts, shoulds, and conventions.

2. Slow down. Cross off your list those activities/feelings you
wish to give a rest. Turn them into opposites. Maryde reversed
"trying to do too much" to "striving to do the minimum, one
action that most matters to me."

3. Jot down any stressors, and put them in a jar. Fasten with a lid.
What is un-named cannot be contained.

4. Be Still, Listen. Is it your heart or Vampire that's speaking? Practice
Discernment.

5. Choose only actions which restore vitality, and full-hearted living. Refrain from what drains.

6. Start acknowledging your own 'Truth that sets you free." '

7. Consider meditation. If sitting meditation puts you to sleep, research
alternative forms, such as engaged meditation. One of my favorites is Process Painting, which I've taught for years as a way of reconnecting
with what liberates.

8. Begin and end each day thanking what's greater than ego for another opportunity to participate in Creation today.

If you're not already a Fan, consider becoming one and while you're at it, please feel free to share this post with others by posting this to your FB page, Linked-in, and other social networks. Let us know what helps you take 'a bite' out of your own Vampire???????
A blessed Thanksgiving to you and yours. I am so grateful to you. Love, Cara

Read more: Featured Contributor, Holidays, Practical Steps, HP Readers, "New Moon, Washington, How We Can Fight Back, " Twilight, Thanksgiving, Jungian Analyst, Vampire Thinking, Author, The Balanced Life, Forks, Living News

Karen Leland: Are You On A Bridge To Somewhere?

2009-11-25T09:24:16Z
As I reported in last week's column, my hubby and I have been downsizing from a 3000 square foot house to a 1600 square foot townhouse.

Well, last week we made the move. Dishes were carefully wrapped, boxes were packed and stacked, and big burly men with arms the size of hanging hams came and transported the stuff of our life to a new location.

Fast forward to Monday -- exactly one week from the big M. We're in and I still have things that I don't have room for (or need) in our new digs. Every day, I've managed to fill at least three huge green garbage bags and two boxes for goodwill.

Not to mention that I think I have single handedly paid for at least one industrious plastic worker's kid to go to college -- owing to all the plastic storage bins, organizational trays and snap shut boxes I have purchased to store and organize my remaining belongings.

I am in awe at the industriousness that the plastic mavens have applied to creating clever ways to store, organize, manage and track stuff. At last count, I had made six trips to The Container Store, two trips to Bed, Bath and Beyond and three trips to the Ace Hardware.

In the middle of the big move we went to dinner with some good friends. We wanted to share about the transition we were going through and tell our tales. It turned out to be the perfect antidote to the chaos of the moment.

Over the course of the evening the four of us talked about the process of letting go of the old stuff and what if's in our lives and embracing being on the bridge in between the old life we just left and the new one we were in the process of creating.

"But the bridge is such a scary, uncertain, out of control place," I said.

"It is," said my friend. "But it's also an opportunity to let what's next evolve on its own. To have the fun of letting things organically take shape. Setting goals is great, but there is something to be said for trusting the process," he said.

As I listened, I could see that while I was on the bridge (and I will probably be there for a while), it was not a bridge to nowhere, but a bridge to somewhere -- somewhere fun and exciting and challenging and scary. One thing for certain: it's going to be the best organized bridge anyone's every seen.

Please note that this article is copyrighted by Karen Leland. If you would like to reprint any or all of it on your blog or website for non-commercial purposes, you are welcome to do so, provided you give credit and a live link back to www.karenleland.com

Karen Leland is author of Watercooler Wisdom: How Smart People Prosper in the Face of Conflict, Pressure and Change. She writes the Productivity Superstar column for Web Worker Daily. Read more at www.karenleland.com
Read more: Organizing, Downsizing, Moving, Featured Contributor, The Balanced Life, Living News

Meditation Has Physiological Benefits, Study Says

2009-11-25T09:04:06Z
Could the mental relaxation produced by transcendental meditation have physiological benefits? A study presented last week at the American Heart Association suggests that it may.
Read more: Stress, Yoga, Stroke, Coronary Disease, Meditation, Stress Relief, Calm, Heart Disease, Blood Pressure, Peace, Anxiety, Spirituality, The Balanced Life, Heart Attack, Happiness, Wellness, Living News

Marlise Karlin: If A 10 Year Old Can Do It, So Can You

2009-11-24T16:31:01Z
Reboot in a Breath

It seems to be a common denominator these days. Everyone has stress, from the very young to the very old. Learning how to release stress in our lives is important for many reasons, one being, how we treat people when we're stressed. What do we have to offer others when we are feeling angry, sad, or fearful?

What I'm speaking of is the quality of our lives -- others -- as well as our own. How do we communicate? How do we interact with people when we are unhappy, resentful or overwhelmed? And how do you feel in each moment if this is going on -- headachy, upset stomach, back and neck pain, exhausted, depressed, etc? If you agree with what science tells us today, that we get what we send out, then it's easy to understand why stress and anxiety is growing. When all we hear in the news is about illnesses floating around, economic challenges and planetary catastrophes, it's a wonder we ever feel happy. What can we possibly do to refocus our minds on what we truly value and want our lives to be about?

Katie was ten, angry, sad and deeply troubled over her father's death from cancer. "How could he leave me?" was one among many self-defeating thoughts that were running through her mind, creating her life at school to be a living nightmare. It was hard for her to study, and she isolated herself as much as possible from kids who didn't understand what she was going through.

Her mom asked me if I would teach her the Three Breath Awareness Practice which allows you to connect with the Stillness inside. Within minutes of the first time she tried it, there was a calm that came over her. Katie knew instantly that she would use it to help her keep her own focus.

What Katie didn't count on, was how much of her stress would also be released. Imagine a moment in your own life when you felt a sense of tranquility, of the calm that you can experience when looking out at smooth, still, glassy water in a pond. Imagine having that sensation, the tranquility of Stillness, move through your mind and body in such a way, the chaos that surrounds you begins to subside. This was Katie's experience and it didn't end there.

Six months later I interviewed Katie because I'd heard that her life had changed in the most wonderful way -- she was now bringing that energy of Stillness to many of the people she interacts with daily. This child with a new strength shining through her charmingly oversized glasses, told me how she looks for other kids now who are having a hard time and how she helps them find the happy times again, just like what happened for her (see video):

People want to make a difference in the world, they want their lives to matter, but when 'bad things happen' it's difficult. How can you send out happiness if you aren't feeling it? If it's simple enough for ten year olds to incorporate into their lives, it just might be something to pursue for too.
Read more: Release Stress, Katie, Reboot, The-Simplicity-of-Stillness, Refocus, Happiness, The Balanced Life, Living News

Srinivasan Pillay: A Deeper Look at Procrastination: Which Type Are you?

2009-11-24T10:29:37Z
Procrastination is something we are all familiar with. From putting off doing the bills to studying for a test or actually addressing conflicts with the boss, all of us find ourselves in the reverie of postponement at one point of another. But is all procrastination the same and does it always serve the same goal? How does your personality fit with your own personal art of procrastination?

A recent study in Turkey looked at three different kinds of procrastinators: indecisive, avoidant and arousal procrastinators. Indecisive procrastinators simply cannot make up their minds. They are faced with too many choices and have difficulty selecting the one that is best for them. As a result, they postpone choosing to a much later time. Avoidant procrastinators cannot face the task they have to do, so they avoid doing this at all costs. Have to change a light bulb in an awkward part of the house? Avoid. Have to take a look at your debt so as to do debt planning? Avoid. Avoidance procrastinators do whatever they can to not do unpleasant things. Then there are arousal procrastinators, who postpone things to the very last minute so that they will in fact get them done. Why start neatening up the house when your relatives are coming in two weeks? Wait till the day before because you will actually do something. Why start studying for a test three months before when you can start a week before and not waste your time staring at the wall? Avoidance procrastinators are adrenaline junkies who put things off to the last minute so that they can harness the motivation of panic.

What causes each of these types of procrastination? Indecisive procrastinators fear commitment to a choice and loss of other choices. So they try to prevent the loss as much as they can. Also, the commitment to a choice is threatening because there is the pressure to perform once the choice is made. Avoidant procrastinators are usually filled with fear about the prospect of having to do something, so they do whatever they can to build up the courage they need. Also for avoidance procrastinators, looking forward to the task is like looking forward to a bikini or back wax. Arousal procrastinators simply thrive on the "rush" to get things done and use their fear as a means of motivation. However, when they delay things till the very last moment, the stress can sometimes be too distracting and make it impossible to focus.

Psychologically, getting rid of procrastination requires what I call "immersion comfort" without the fear of your psyche wrinkling like the skin on your hands when you are a swimming pool. To be comfortable with immersion in your goals and dreams requires more than just a schedule or reminder. While schedules and reminders can be helpful to the amotivated or busy people, the root psychological issues are not being addressed. Procrastinators are "perspective addicts" -- having the task in front of them is comforting because they have an eye on what to do. To immerse yourself in a task means that you stop observing your goals and yourself and get into the thick of things. But to do this requires a certain state of consciousness-a willingness to let go of observing and trust your ability to act.

It is this last quality of the psyche that also requires that you dare to own your own life. You have to be wiling to put your entire body in action: heart rate, sweat and all. In effect, you have to let your emotions exist as they are -- fear, excitement, disappointment, whatever the emotion -- you have to allow yourself to be in it without looking at it. This form of allowing is what inspires people who act. They exchange the thrill of last minute arousal with the thrill of owning a life in a whole bodied way. While the study in Turkey that I mentioned earlier found that having more than three children or less than a graduate degree makes you more of an indecisive procrastinator, you cannot allow these demographics to take over your life.

Instead, I would recommend taking a deeper look at your addiction to seeing things rather than being in them, and ask yourself, if you were blind to perspective (or observation of what you need to do), might you actually be able to see yourself more clearly? What I mean here is that we do not truly see ourselves in mirrors; we see ourselves mostly when we are in some positive situation of being out of control: a fast car, being in love or riding a wave. It is when we choose immersion that we choose to know ourselves through the learning of experience that procrastination can never provide.

Read more: Arousal, Srini Pillay, Being in the Moment, Immersion, Srinivasan Pillay, Procrastination, Indecision, Avoidance, Psychology, Action, The Balanced Life, Living News