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Anne Naylor: Do You Know Your 'Love Language'?

2009-12-06T10:45:28Z

To love someone deeply gives you strength.
Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu

The weeks leading up to the holiday season can be emotionally intense. We are coming to the end of the year. Did it go well? Was it disappointing for you? Did children grow up, leaving home an empty nest? Are you celebrating your successes, or grieving your losses? Both perhaps.

Emotions are felt most keenly with those closest to us; those we love the most. None more so than in marriages or close partnerships. This time of the year is one in which we are being showered with spiritual Light. This Light comes as a blessing: to let us see more clearly where we might have something to learn; to heal our hurts; to reassure, soothe and comfort us; to bring us joy.

Communicating, giving and receiving awaken us to more of our love. The buying and giving of material gifts is not the only way we can demonstrate our love.

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.
Victor Hugo

A Little Story

There was once a young man who wanted to show his love for his wife. So he swam the deepest sea, climbed the highest mountain and tried to reach for the stars. Guess what happened?

His wife left him. Why?

Because he was never home.

Dr Gary Chapman has written a book on The Five Love Languages. If you are feeling unloved by your partner, husband, wife or close friend, it could be that you understand different love languages. What is your love language? What do you have to receive to know that you are special, that you are loved? How do you communicate your love with others?

The five love languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation

If your primary language is words of affirmation, you need to hear from your loved ones verbal appreciation, compliments or encouragement for you to feel special and loved. Simple and honest statements such as: You did really well getting that promotion. Or: You looked radiant and beautiful in your new outfit. Or: You are a great Dad to our kids.

2. Quality Time

Quality time with our loved ones is important for most of us, especially so if this is your primary love language. Give undivided time and attention with activities you enjoy doing together. During conversations, make sure the phone, tv or other distractions are turned off.

3. Receiving Gifts

Gifts are visual, tangible expressions of love and devotion. If this is your love language, you are likely to value gifts as touching and meaningful. Gifts do not have to be big and expensive. A single beautiful rose, a favourite food brought on the way home or a small souvenir from a trip away can speak volumes.

4. Acts of Service

Better to ask which acts of service are really appreciated than assume that cleaning the kitchen, or bathroom, clearing the garage are wanted more than looking after the kids on Saturday mornings. Most importantly, these acts must be undertaken not with resentment but with the joy of loving.

5. Physical Touch

Sexual intimacy is only one aspect of physical touch that communicates love in marriage or close partnership. Here it is important to discover from each other what forms of touching mean the most. These may include shoulder rubs at the end of a working day, back or feet massages, holding hands, stroking a cheek, a gentle hug.

Love is a fruit in season at all times and within reach of every hand.
Mother Teresa

To discover your own love language ask yourself the following questions:

1. How do I express love to others? (For example: I express love by giving words of encouragement and support, especially during challenging times.)

2. What do I request most often? (For example: I love to feel appreciated and acknowledged for what I do.)

3. What do I complain about the most? (For example: You never seem to notice when I have done something really well and that I am proud of.)

What you and your loved ones find out about your love languages needs to be communicated, shared and acted upon. Learning can lead you to greater joy and happiness with the ones you love the most.

Be willing to make changes. Small adjustments may make a big difference and cost very little.
The blessings of this season can grow and deepen your love in ways that perhaps you had not thought about before.

Love, the key that unlocks the bars of impossibility.
Fikayo Ositelu

How do you enjoy receiving love from those dear to you? What makes you feel special and most loved? Could you celebrate the holiday season by giving differently this year?

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Kari Henley: Become A Philanthropist With A Mission

2009-12-06T07:00:00Z

How many of you consider yourselves a philanthropist? The word conjures up super elite icons like Bill Gates, Oprah and Warren Buffet. However, the true definition of philanthropist is "lover of humanity." It is simple kindness. Bottom line, anyone who cares enough about others to give their time, attention and energy IS a philanthropist.

'Tis the season for giving: a few coins into the Salvation Army bucket, cans for the soup kitchen, extra toys for the hospital, or supplies for the troops. Local and national non-profits send out their appeals this time of year to coincide with year end tax deductions. Ever stopped to really think about what charities mean the most to you and why? Often holiday giving is closely tied with guilt or obligation, as many feel they aren't giving enough, and the whole experience is less than Ho-Ho-Ho.

What is the difference between giving money to a cause you barely know, vs. opening your wallet for a friend who can't cover her grocery bills in line, or running a race for your mother who survived breast cancer? The impact is greater when our personal investment is higher.

I had an opportunity to attend a workshop called "Philanthropy with Passion and Purpose" by Bank of America Merrill Lynch -- a proprietary program to help individuals share, learn and discuss how personal values connect to philanthropic mission and actions. Who would think a bank would offer a quasi personal growth workshop? It was a fascinating process, and I was truly inspired.

Claire Costello is the National Foundation Executive for Bank of America Merrill Lynch Philanthropic Management, and explained why having a mission statement for you values and causes is so important. "Figuring out what you are passionate about, helps you give the way you live," she said. "By developing a personal credo for yourself it affects everything; the way you raise your kids, the friends you make, the business deals you conduct, and how you give your money away."

The process begins with an exploration of your values. What guides the decisions you make in life, and what values drive you? Examples of common values include loyalty, independence, honesty, excellence, diversity, community, spirituality, respect, and so on. Grab a piece of paper and jot down three or four personal values that really resonate with you.

Next, think about the issues that catch your attention, stir your passion or call you to action. Is it conservation and the environment, healthcare, education, science & technology, domestic violence or civic engagement? Again, take that sheet of paper and identify a couple of issues that have deep meaning for you.

Finally, the values and causes you have identified are combined into a formative mission statement of your philanthropy -- stating what you stand for, who you want to impact, and how to accomplish it. Think this is easy? It is actually a challenging and profound experience. I highly recommend trying this with your partner, group of close friends, or as a family exercise.

"Once you begin this process, there is a point of no return," said Costello. "Most people are reactive in their giving, and is has little meaning. If you give based on what you care about, there is much greater personal fulfillment." Aligning values and issues creates a powerful incentive to make a difference, and keep making a difference. It also establishes a graceful way to bow out of requests for causes that are not on the list.

For example, if I identified "family and community" as my top values, with "youth education" as top causes, donating to a startup biotech would not be nearly as fulfilling as helping build and support a Read to Grow program, sponsoring a child to go to school in Africa or mentoring a child once a month as the best investments of my time and money.

How can you express your philanthropic mission statement in a depressed economy? Here are three suggestions:

Writing a check is one way. Many of us have money we spend mindlessly -- a pair of shoes here, latte there, dinner out with wine and dessert -- need I go on? If conservation is your key issue, and loyalty is a high value, choose an eco friendly or green cause, and carve out a small amount of money to give to them each month.

The second way is Time. Volunteering is invaluable -- be a coach, mentor, or helping hand to the causes that represent your deepest commitments. A consistent allotment of time helps the organization to know they can count on you, and often becomes a lovely blossom in the daily grind.

The third is through Advocacy. "In tough economic times, we can still make an impact by simply talking about the causes we believe in and raising awareness, whether it is at a book club, meeting or at work," said Costello. "Sharing your passion can potentially enlist a new donor, or a new volunteer."

Next week, I will highlight a few organizations that offer a variety of causes to engage, so get that "Mission Statement of Philanthropy" going this week, and let me know how it goes. If you have one now, I'd love to hear it in the comments below.

Helene Robbins is the Chair of the Community Fund for Women & Girls and a Vice President at Wells Fargo Private Bank, and helped organize the event I attended. She reflected on the deep generosity Americans share, when a cause is dear to our hearts.

"On September 10, 2001, there was no reason to raise millions of dollars for the survivors of 9/11," she said. "The money that poured in, and volunteers that arrived in droves, were for a cause that literally did not exist the day before."

A crisis brings us together. For many out there, this holiday season IS a crisis. Millions are losing their homes, and more Americans are without jobs than ever. Whether it is time, money or advocacy -- give the way you live.

Giving For Health: How Volunteering Can Help Cope With Disease

2009-12-03T09:38:42Z

How giving can lead to mental and physical changes in health isn't entirely clear, although studies suggest that altruism may be an antidote to stress.

We May Be Born With An Urge to Help

2009-12-02T14:17:57Z

Biologists are forming a better view of humankind than the traditional opinions of it as warlike and selfish.

Dan Siegel: Beyond Fallen Sports Idols: Let's Celebrate the Giving Life

2009-12-01T13:28:38Z

On Monday, as the media machine swirled around Tiger Woods, New York Yankee baseball star Derek Jeter was quietly tapped by Sports Illustrated as their sportsman of the year.

Some years ago, I attended a conference in New Orleans for families involved in philanthropy, and met a cherubic-faced woman whose name badge read "Turn 2 Foundation." I asked how her foundation got that name, which is shorthand for a baseball double play, mentioning that my young son was named after Satchel Paige. She quietly said that her son plays baseball, and handed me a baseball card of her boy... Derek Jeter.

"Okay, your son REALLY plays baseball," I said, seeing the resemblance in Dorothy Jeter's face. I flipped the card over expecting to see baseball statistics. Instead, I read the story of how Derek Jeter idolized former Yankee star Dave Winfield, who had set up a foundation to help kids. Ten-year-old Derek thought that was cool, and vowed to create his own foundation if he ever made it to the major leagues.

Since establishing the Turn 2 Foundation during his rookie season in 1996, Jeter has donated more than $10 million in grants for programs that motivate kids to turn away from drugs and alcohol and rewards those who show high academic achievement.

In announcing the magazine honor, Sports Illustrated Group Editor Terry McDonell said, "Derek Jeter has always presented himself with class; he does numerous good works for the community with his Turn 2 Foundation, which is one of the most efficient, effective foundations of its kind; and he's extremely generous with not just his money but with his time, which in many cases is more valuable."

Like many dads parenting in this age of sports scandal, I have talked with my kids about their often sullied sports heroes. When my son Satchel was 10, I sat in his room and gazed at the posters pinned up on his walls. Above his bed, Barry Bonds swung his powerful forearms to launch another juice-powered moon shot. Jason Giambi, the Oakland homerun star, smiled across the room, another soon-to-be-discovered poster boy of baseball's steroid era.

When I was a kid in the early 1970s, my walls were also surrounded by baseball gods like Hank Aaron, Brooks Robinson, and Roberto Clemente. However, the most shocking sports headline of that age appeared on New Year's Day in 1973, after the great Puerto Rican right-fielder Clemente was killed in a small airplane that he chartered to deliver relief supplies to earthquake victims in Nicaragua. It was my first time I really thought about death, but it was also a wake-up call that there were things in life more important than baseball.

In October, Jeter won the Roberto Clemente Award as the most generous and giving person off the field (a short time before leading the Yankees to another World Series championship).

There are many other gifted athletes who care and do genuine good deeds off the field. For example, basketball star Tracy McGrady traveled to Darfur and is helping American school kids support Darfuri refugee camps. Philanthropy is core to the life of college quarterback star Tim Tebow, who has helped to start orphanages in the Philippines where he was born.

Star athletes can never be perfect role models who avoid very human failings. This was no less true 40 years ago, as I discovered when I read Jim Bouton's bawdy baseball classic "Ball Four".

Rather than dwelling on the off-the-field shortcomings of our athletic heroes fed by the "build them up, tear them down" media culture, perhaps we should celebrate those stars who can inspire our children to also give of themselves to others. During this Giving Season, let's honor those who serve as engaged public citizens, rather than obsess over imperfect private lives.

Daniel Heimpel: Of Bricks And Boomerangs: Social Worker's Tuitions And California's Prisons

2009-11-27T10:46:30Z

Last week, I decided that a little stand had to be made, a brick had to be thrown at the wall. In this case it was the UC Regents, who were deciding on a tiny fee increase that shows the unbelievable shortsightedness in our collective scale of priorities. To save money the UC System was about to raise undergraduate tuition by 32 percent, in addition to hiking fees for professional degrees.

The logic on the latter seemed sound enough. The Bureau of Labor Statistics found that the average California lawyer earns $143,850 a year, a physician earns $142,620 and a financial manger with an MBA from Anderson or Haas earns $122,480. Upping tuition on these guys seems understandable, as the logic goes: even if they have to take crushing loans they will be able to pay them off after only a short stint as wage slaves.

But this is where things get insidious. Lawyers, doctors and businessmen were only three of 44 professional programs that the Regents were threatening with Professional Differential Fees (PDFs). The lowest earning category of these programs are students of social work, who will now have to pay an additional $4,000 and $5,199 annually at UC Berkley and UCLA respectively. This will be at least a 50% increase on straight tuition for people who can hope to earn an average of $51,070 a year. This means that their indentured servitude to the banks will spool out for years, adding to the stress of trying to make the lives of the homeless, the hurting and the parentless all the more nerve wracking.

Worried that the stressed and overworked social workers I have come into contact with as a journalist covering the Department of Children and Family Services would be further strained, I marched myself down to the UC Regents meeting at UCLA. Hordes of angry undergrads threatened to bowl over a formidable crew of Sheriffs, UCLA Police and LAPD decked out in riot gear, their batons shining with the same white on black glint as their helmets. I used my press pass to get past the police line and walked into the large open room where the regents were meeting.

I put my name down on a list for public comment and stood when called. I followed an angry teacher's assistant who represented all the UC teacher's assistants as she cut into the Regents for the steep slashes to her and her colleagues' salaries.

She finished and I stepped to the mic and looked out. Before me on tables 20-people across sat a handful of Los Angeles County Supervisors, the white-haired Regents, a bank of media and the Speaker of the CA Assembly, Karen Bass, who I respect very much.

"My name is Daniel Heimpel," I said "I am a journalist, and if you excuse the expression, I'm going rogue." As I said this another disgruntled UC worker yelled, "you go rogue!" Emboldened, but with a shaking voice, I told the Regents exactly what I thought. That social workers are the front line in holding up this state and nation's creaking foster care system. That they are vital to our future in that they care for our most vulnerable children and that disincentivizing them from higher education in any way was an affront to the very tenants of a public institution.

There, my brick had been flung. But the wall pushed forward and the Regents implemented the PDFs, discouraging the most needed professionals in our society. It didn't surprise me; this is a culture wherein a Barista at Starbucks earns more than the attendant at a group home, where a salesman at Best Buy earns about as much as social worker with a graduate degree who made the poor economic choice of following their righteous intent to work with children who have endured abuse and neglect.

That night I went to an event put on by Generation for Change, a group of Yuppies that had been effective fundraisers for Obama, at a slightly pompous restaurant on Sunset Boulevard. The honored guest was the former, and assuredly future, California Governor Jerry Brown. Brown, with his hawkish features, wooed the crowd with his undeniable, off-the-cuff charisma.

He mixed this charm with truths not often enough said to the delight of the crowd. His best point was that while California used to spend as much as 16 percent of the budget on higher education, today that spending is on par with that of prisons. "It is one-to-one, and that is a tragedy," he said.

After Brown spoke I pulled the brick back out of my pocket and walked over. I congratulated him on his incumbent victory and told him that his point on prison spending was telling. It was then that I realized that the brick was a boomerang now coming full circle. I told Mr. Brown that some surveys showed as many as 70 percent of California inmates had spent some time in foster care. "If you want to get the numbers of inmates down spend money on foster kids." He looked at me and said that getting money for them is hard to do.

I nodded, that's the problem.

Lorraine Roe: The Six W's Of Charitable Giving This Season

2009-11-24T16:25:56Z

Ok, people, look alive! Let's get this Thanksgiving rocking with not only a nod to good causes, but also with a shout about how discerning we can be. We're rocketing into the season of giving. I've been to the mall and the grocery store and Hanukkah-Christmas season is upon us. Soon come the unverified charities asking me for cash outside the doors of these stores and extra solicitors at my own door and on the phone. It's time to give back and be grateful. Ok, ok, I'm thankful, your thankful. But that doesn't have to translate into mindless giving. Let's go over some helpful ground rules for making donations that I developed after working as a reporter.

It all started in my journalism training about writing a complete news story. We were taught to ask the five "w's" which are: who, what, when, where and why. When you're about to give, make sure you answer the who first. Are they a tax-deductible organization? Being tax deductible has two advantages. The first is that, of course, you can deduct it on your income tax. The second is that the organization has their accounting on file in a public place. The document is the IRS Form 990. Checking this form can provide some delicious details when you're a reporter or a civilian giver. That's where you can often find out that the non-profit spent 85% on administration, with only 15% of their money going to actual people who are supposedly helped by the cause. Of course there are countless charities devoted to helping people that actually do that. But it's important to check their non-profit's 990, just to make sure. Many non-profits post their Form 990 on their websites. But, if they don't, you can often find those forms in the offices of the State Attorney General in many states across the country. And if you don't have the time you can visit a charity watchdog website, that does a lot of the checking for you.

Nonprofit websites and their literature often answer the what, when, where and why of their charities. If they don't have stories about real individuals or places you can find in a Google address search, they may be pulling your leg. A while back I had a friend of a friend who held a turkey dinner fundraiser at a church. He then helped cook the dinner and we did a Thanksgiving turkey day story for the six o'clock news. Later I learned that the man collected hundreds of dollars that went into his pocket beyond the cost of making the meals for the homeless. He actually had scammed a lot of people, because he operated on the word and good graces of people who had built up trust in the community. No matter what the cause, as a giver, I now ask people to mail me information or direct me to a website where I can confirm their organization's validity. I also find that when I ask a lot of the people asking for money outside grocery stores (who's causes appear to be homeless shelters, holiday meals or recovery houses) they often don't carry any official identification to show their affiliation or their organization has no such website or literature.

Finally, there are the five w's, but I also learned a fifth as a cub reporter. There is the question, who cares? I personally believe the best giving comes from the heart. It comes out of being compelled, not by being guilted into it. As someone who follows her intuition and encourages outhers to do the same, I believe having a really good feeling about a cause goes a long way in making good choices. Ask yourself, who cares? Do I really care about this cause. If your answer is yes, then take the time to ask the five w's. Beware of urgent giving, in the rush, you may be giving your hard-earned money to someone who's actually a thief dressed in the clothing of a charity. True, it is the season for giving. But the value of getting all the facts about a charity is timeless. That way you know your hard-earned money really is getting to people who need and deserve it.

Julia Moulden: Top 10 New Radical Gifts

2009-11-21T07:00:00Z

Are you like me -- suddenly realizing that the holidays are only weeks away? And are you totally and completely convinced that you don't want to give the same old, same old this year? Then my favourite New Radical gift ideas might just come in handy. Hopefully you'll find something for the hearts, minds, and souls of the ones you love. (New Radicals are people who are putting the skills they acquired in their careers to work on the world's greatest challenges. For more about the New Radicals, please see archived articles.)

JOY
Let's begin with toys. But not just any toys. The cute and clever ones made by Owi-Robots. Especially the easy-to-assemble 6-in-1 Educational Solar Kit that turns into options like a car, windmill, or puppy. And here's the best part -- because it's solar powered, no batteries are required. Oh, joy!

LOVE
Glove Love, to be specific. The folks at dothegreenthing.com -- a UK-based non-profit that inspires people to live greener lives -- have come up with a way to save the world from single, unwanted gloves. You know, the ones that have been separated from their original partners and end up stuffed in the back of the closet. Glove Love pairs these singles up with new partners, and sells them for a fiver. The video -- with narration by Emma Thompson -- is very funny in a distinctly British way.

PEACE
The pundits are full of woe, because everyone's convinced that the Mid-East peace process is doomed to failure yet again. Show your support for peace by buying a CD from the Middle East Peace Orchestra. It's a collaboration between musicians, all connected to the region, who are on tour playing concerts for peace. Their work is deeply moving, and a treasure trove of music from both Arab and Jewish traditions, created by musicians who are Christians, Jews, and Muslims.

LIGHT
Whoever said it first got it right, the best gifts are the ones that just keep on giving. BringLight.com is my choice for an organization that makes donating money smart and simple. First, 100% of donations go directly to charities. Second, rather than giving to a pool, you choose where your money goes (they have an ever-changing list of options). And you can create a Giving Group to multiply the impact of your contributions. So, if your sister really loves horses, you can donate to an equine rescue effort on her behalf. Marriage equality, prenatal care, young musicians, reptile conservation -- there's a cause for everyone on your list.

WISDOM
Award-winning photographer Michael Forsberg believes that we can save the Great Plains -- the grasslands that stretch across western North America, second only to the Serengeti in size. His new book, America's Lingering Wild, the most gorgeous coffee table book to come along in years, spells out what's wrong and what we can do. Many of the stories in the book were written by Dan O'Brien, author of a number of books about the region. Dan also raises buffalo in South Dakota, a sustainable (and healthier) alternative to beef, which he sells through his company, Wild Idea Buffalo. You can even order a combo -- buffalo steaks and an autographed copy of the book. A feast for all the senses!

COMPASSION
It's the new media equivalent of a book you just can't put down. Katerina Cizek was filmmaker-in-residence at an inner-city hospital and has created a powerful collection of multi-platform documentaries that use storytelling to help drive social change (winning every important international award in the process). Watch what happens when young, homeless mothers pick up the cameras. When film animation students and a suicide prevention group come together. What healthcare providers discover as they support community-based care in Africa. The National Film Board has created a box set of the filmmaker-in-residence project. Get one for your kid's school, for your local hospital, your boss, yourself. And then check out the next project Katerina and the NFB have up their sleeves: HighRise, a multi-platform, multi-year international project about the future of cities, as seen through the lens of the highrise tower.

KINDNESS
Nothing says holiday more than a meal together. I don't know about you, but I think more about my guests and what I'm serving than the table itself. Luckily, Mary Anne Davis of Davis Studio has set me straight -- she sees setting the table as an under-appreciated art form. She talks about the beauty of the table and the relationship between the pieces we choose. Mary Anne is an artist, a potter, and an idealist -- in addition to making gorgeous things, she's made a full commitment to environmental stewardship. Her tableware is durable and timeless. Materials are sourced locally. It's all made in upstate New York. And with the lowest possible footprint. Long been known for her colourful works, Mary Anne has branched into... white! Her new line carries a cheeky name: Naked Dishes. (Oprah's a big fan.)

COMFORT
Icebreaker garments are the Goldilocks of outdoor wear: not too hot, not too cold. I put a cami (the line is made from 100% pure New Zealand wool) through an urban challenge, wearing it under a wrap cotton shirt inside an over-heated office building and on my walk to and from. It performed beautifully, and felt soft and comfortable -- just right, in fact. Icebreaker does more than create great products -- check out their animal welfare policies, ethical manufacturing, design ethos, and corporate culture. And they're fun: every garment comes with a Baacode -- plug the number into Icebreaker's site, and you'll discover which sheep station the wool comes from, and meet the farmers, too. But here's the best part -- unlike synthetic outdoor wear, this stuff doesn't hold body odour. Maybe Saint Nick wears one of these under his suit on that long winter's night?

FAITH
Let's just say that I don't believe in sin. Pleasure, yes. Which is why this list has to include something deep, dark, and delicious from Dark Side Chocolates. These artisans, far from the madding crowd in British Columbia, offer a carefully selected range of tastes, like Lavender-Vanilla and Tequila-Lime. Should you desire, there are even some readings about why chocolate is good for us. But I ask you, does one even need to think about being chaste at this time of year?

HOPE
Social entrepreneurs have given us lots of reasons for hope. How? By creating new models for business that can be picked up by others around the world. Patty Johnson of the North South Project has done this brilliantly. Her company fuses northern design sensibilities with the craftsmanship and traditions of the southern hemisphere (like Botswana, Guyana, India, and Mexico). These are investment pieces or, as I like to think of them, heritage. As in, things you have for a lifetime and pass along to others. Check out the playful (and award-winning) lamp made by the Wai Wai weavers of Guyana. I'm looking for a spot in my home for one... "And one for the shopper" is my motto.

OK, so these are Julia's top 10 picks for the season. But no reason to go all Kanye West on me -- if there's something you think should be on this list, please share your favourites by commenting below. And let the festivities begin!

Julia Moulden is on tour, talking about the New Radicals. She'd be delighted to hear from you. JULIA (that familiar symbol) wearethenewradicals (dot) (COM).

Joann Davis: Let Peace On Earth Begin With Me And You

2009-11-18T16:48:52Z

One night a shepherd was laying in a field, saying his prayers.

"Dear God," he said. "The world is full of sadness and suffering. Won't you please send help?"

As he drifted off to sleep, the shepherd heard a voice say, "But I did send help, I sent you."

That story comes to mind as the traditional holiday season gets underway, with its universal calls for "PEACE ON EARTH." Through holiday cards, hymns, prayers and "wish lists," people everywhere are asking for an end to the wars and strife that afflict our world.

It's a beautiful idea. The only problem is that many of us expect peace to be delivered the same way Santa brings the gifts -- on a magic sleigh, from a mysterious sack of goodies. Weaned on the myth of salvation, we cling to a rescue fantasy in which our Gods, Saviors, leaders and Nobel Peace prize winners swoop down to solve our problems, end our trials and relieve our tribulations.

Now, don't get me wrong. I pray all the time for strength, courage, fortitude and guidance. I also expect our elected leaders, diplomats and ambassadors to guide the world to a more harmonious place. People in high places need to "wage peace" and set good examples for the rest of us at home watching.

But in our spectator society, where it's easier to watch reality tv than live our own authentic and vibrant life, small, personal acts are sometimes overlooked and minimized. I can't help wondering how our prospects for peace would be enriched if we listened to Socrates who said, "Let those who wish to move the world first move themselves." If we replaced the bumper sticker cliche of "Random Kindness" with "recklessly generosity," and made peace with the people who cross our paths each day, the world would be a very different place.

Since I was a child, I have looked for inspiration far and wide. Perhaps the richest source of guidance has come to me in the so-called Simple Prayer that suggests every person is an instrument of the peace. It says-

Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is injury, let me sow pardon

This holiday season, instead of asking for the gift of peace and waiting to see if it comes under the tree, make it your own special delivery.

Let peace on earth begin with you and me.

Dr. Judith Rich: Giving Thanks For The One

2009-11-18T08:58:45Z

This Thanksgiving, when you think about all the things you're grateful for, don't forget to include the person you've been hanging out with, 24/7, for your entire life.

You know the one I'm speaking of. It's the one who's gotten you this far, the one who's carried you over the hump when you thought you couldn't do it and wanted to wimp out.

I'm talking about the one who's stayed up nights with you when you were under the weather or three sheets to the wind. It's the one who's put up with your smallness all the times you've forgotten who you really are.

I'm referring to the one who's stood by you when you were afraid and told yourself "I can't do this," and reminded you ," yes you can, yes you are, and yes you will".

I'm talking about the one who may be the only one on the planet who knows whether or not you're telling the truth, and who will politely and sometimes not-so-politely nudge you in the direction of honesty when you're tempted to sell out for what seems like the more comfortable path to take.

I mean the one who always remembers your birthdays and anniversaries; the one who knows exactly what you like and don't like, want and don't want. The one who knows just how you like your salad, "dressing on the side," or how you like your steak cooked, " medium-rare, nice and pink in the center, please".

Ponder how great it is to know there's someone who knows you inside out and upside down and still shows up everyday to greet you in the morning when you wake up.

Even though you take this one for granted, even though you sometimes abuse and mistreat this one who is beyond gender, beyond personality, this one's loyalty to you is never shaken. This one's love for you is constant, even when you don't give love back.

Consider this one, as you search your soul for what you're grateful for this Thanksgiving and beyond.

This is the one who's animated your life, brought you to the fullness of joy and laughter and the emptiness of sorrow and loss. Without these experiences, both the happy and sad ones, you wouldn't know the full capacity of what it means to be human.

This is the one who is taking you to your future. This is the one who can see limitless possibilities ahead when you can only see a narrow path. This is the one who nudges you in the direction of the road not taken. Ever wonder where your courage came from? Look no further than this one. This is the one who conjures up your courage when you thought you'd plumb run out.

Who is this one I speak of? I'm talking about Y-O-U. Not your personality, not the acquired conditioning you've learned in order to survive. I'm talking about the one who brings you face to face with truth, wisdom, wholeness and holiness. I'm talking about the one who knows. Give thanks for this one who is, after all, y-o-u.

When was the last time you stood in front of the mirror and high-five'd yourself for being the most amazing human being on the planet? When was the last time you recognized yourself as this one, a unique, one-of-a-kind, never-to-be-repeated event in the universe? Maybe a little more self-love in your cup will give you more to share with others.

When was the last time you told yourself , "Thank you for choosing me to be your constant companion. Thank you for getting me through the hard times and for bringing me good times too." And if you really want to stack the deck, try thanking you in advance, for creating the life of your dreams. Nothing will rev up your manifestation skills more powerfully than expressing gratitude in advance for the goodness already on its way.

Go ahead! Pile it on! This you knows no limits. This one lives in the realm of all possibilities and for this one, what you desire is already so and it's just waiting for you to call it forth. So call it forth! And don't play small. This one came to play big .

This one came to live large, yet leave a small footprint. This one came to have its heart broken-open and leave it that way forever so it can hold more love.

This one came to have you see the world and yourself in it, as inextricably linked, part and parcel of the one, the whole. This one knows that who you are is all of it and all of it is you.

Give thanks for this one. Give thanks that your body has gotten the job done and maybe even commit yourself to honoring it more fully from now on. Give thanks that your mind, while sometimes seeming on the verge of leaving the building, is still clear; maybe not as sharp as before, but clear enough to convey what's in your heart. And give thanks that your heart, still beats 60-90 times per minute and that over a lifetime will beat over 2 trillion times. Give thanks.

Give thanks that your spirit connects you with realms of glory and that your soul grounds you here on earth.

Give thanks for y-o-u. It might not sound like the politically correct thing to do. Do it anyway. Start a new trend. Others will follow. Watch and see. All the other "you's" at the table will recognize an opportune moment this Thanksgiving to give voice to their own sweet, precious this ones when it's time to chalk up what they're great-full for. It's not about "tooting your own horn or inflating your ego. This is about recognizing the authentic greatness that is at the very core of who you are.

Imagine a world where everyone in it was deeply grateful for who they are. How could that not produce more love? How could that not produce more peace and joy? If everyone is standing in "I am grateful for me", how could we not then see our own greatness reflected back by everyone around us?

Surely we'd see that we're not greater than anyone else. We'd see that everyone has this greatness within. Perhaps standing in our own greatness would serve as a nudge for others to take up residency in theirs. Can you dig it?

So this Thanksgiving and beyond, consider the gift you are. And while you're at it, make a commitment to truly honor this gift, to listen to its wisdom, to treat it with kindness, love and respect for the rest of your days.

And when your days here are over, this one will ferry you back from whence you came, a constant companion in eternity.

Mental Health Break

Here is a fabulous video, a Thanksgiving reminder to you, to help you remember who you are. It's extremely cool and is at the top of my list. Remember astronomer Carl Sagan and how passionate he was at the wonders of the universe? Watch this bit of technological jiu jitsu.

I'm giving thanks for you. I'm giving thanks for the connections we've forged over the past 15 months here at this watering hole on the Huffington Post. I'm giving thanks for Arianna Huffington and the team of people who make this connection possible. Lastly, I'm giving thanks in advance, that in the year ahead, you and I will continue to meet here and engage in lively conversations that will inform and inspire us.

Please feel free to leave a comment and share what you're grateful for about yourself. Consider it practice for next Thursday!

If you're not already a Fan, consider becoming one and while you're at it, please feel free to share this post with others by posting this to your FB page, Buzzing and Digging and all that other social sharing good stuff.

I'm extending a personal invitation to stop by my personal blog and website Rx For The Soul. You can leave personal messages for me on this site.

I'm wishing you a joyous Thanksgiving and many blessings on the path.

Ed Gurowitz, Ph.D.: Grace And Gratitude At Thanksgiving

2009-11-17T14:49:48Z

In a posting elsewhere on Huffington Post, blogger Anne Naylor writes of grace. She lists seven attributes that she believes "can lead toward living more gracefully:"

Surrender to a higher power

Sacrifice and forgive the negative emotions: fear, doubt, anger, resentment, guilt, blame, shame

Cultivate faith and trust

Serve with compassion - give to those who can benefit from you

Be thankful for all of the good you enjoy right now

Be the blessings that you are - keep going

Be prepared to be pleasantly surprised - expect the best

"Grace" comes from the Latin gratia, pleasing quality, good will, gratitude, and is related to praise and celebrate in Latin and Greek. The Greeks and Romans had three sister goddesses, the Graces, who were bestowers of beauty and charm.

On Thanksgiving, even those who rarely do so on ordinary days tend to say grace before the meal. This can range from "rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, Yaaaay God!" to profound expressions of gratitude, to going around the table with everyone saying something they are thankful for, but in some form even non-believers feel gratitude and since the mid-1800's, we in the US have set aside a day that intentionally has no religious connection to give thanks for our abundance.

To go through Anne's criteria, on Thanksgiving we (1) may or may not relate to a higher power, (2) put aside, at least for a while the negative emotions -- we even eat shamelessly and blamelessly, though guilt is up to you, (3) engage with faith and trust, at least for those around us at the table, (5) are thankful (6) for at least a day, we "are" the blessings we enjoy, and (7) we expect the best.

Note that I've skipped over (4) -- compassion. While some small number of us will serve in soup kitchens or give to help the needy have a Thanksgiving dinner, for most of us that is not a central part of our observance. In my community we collect food for a local hunger organization early in the Fall and around now we start collecting warm clothing for distribution to those who need and can't afford it, but is that what is meant by "Serve with compassion - give to those who can benefit from you?" Note the wording - "those who can benefit from you," not "those who can benefit from your largesse."

I must confess this confounds me. I know how to give stuff to those in need of it -- food, clothing, money -- that's easy. And I know how to give of myself to those I know -- family, friends, colleagues, even clients, even the occasional stranger who is in obvious need or distress. But how do I give of myself to those who are truly in need, whom I don't know, and whom I don't stumble across. What do they need of me? Where can I find them? How can I ensure that what I give is what they need, not what I think they need or what I'm comfortable giving?

I think that this holiday, rather than dwell on the question of what I am grateful for in my life I will instead consider questions like "am I truly giving?" and "what do I have to give that would make a difference?" What are "the blessings that I am," and how can I be that the other 364 days of the year and with people who are not in my inner circle of trust.

Care to join me?

Halle Tecco: 'Movember': Facial Hair for a Cause

2009-11-17T11:30:55Z

It's halfway through November and Lynn Lane's upper lip is getting hairy.

That's because he hasn't shaved his mustache since October, and doesn't plan on doing so until December. No, this isn't a Gillette boycott. Lane is a cancer-advocate, joining thousands of men in raising awareness of prostate and testicular cancer.

Movember is an international month-long "celebration" of the mustache, where men grow out their whiskers to raise money and awareness of major health issues affecting their gender. The activists, appropriately called "Mo Bros", are a walking billboard for the cause, prompting dialogue and garnering donations from curious bystanders.

Lane is just 18 months out of his own battle with prostate cancer. "I'm a young guy to have had [cancer] so this gives me an opportunity to open the dialogue about this and other male cancers", he says.

Over 700,000 men in the US are diagnosed with cancer each year. This translates to half of all men being diagnosed with cancer during their lifetime. However, men are less likely to be screened for cancer, meaning they usually catch cancer in its later stages. (Interestingly: men who live with a wife or significant other are more likely to get screened.)

The reason for higher cancer rates among men are numerous and complex, though it is largely attributed to the reluctance of men to openly discuss their health and what the Movember Foundation calls an 'it'll be alright' attitude. But groups are beginning to speak up and other male-driven movements--like the Testicular Tour in the UK--are organizing to push change.

When I asked Lane what style of mustache he was going for, he responded: "I've recently moved by to Texas so I'm rocking the serious Texas classic horseshoe mustache in all of its glory!"

Lynn Lane in October (left) and half-way through November (right).

Anne Naylor: Who You Are Makes A Difference

2009-11-14T07:00:00Z

As we end the year, and Thanksgiving approaches this is a good time for taking stock. Who has made a difference in your life? Have you been able to make a difference in someone else's life? And who are you to be making a difference in anyone's life?

Thanksgiving is such a great holiday. As a European, I wish it were internationally celebrated. Even in difficult times we still have much we can be thankful for, especially those we love and care for, and those who make our lives better in some way.

Looking over 2009, who are the people who have made a difference to you, and how have they done that?

I started making a list, and it is still growing. On my list are friends who helped me out when I was feeling stuck. People who have made me laugh when I was taking life too seriously. One person who gave me an opportunity, out of the blue, which has made a huge difference in my quality of life. Dental surgeons who have treated me with great care. Members of my local church who have made me feel welcome. The couple who have generously created and taken care of my website. My Australian neighbour, with whom I often share a cup of tea at the end of a working afternoon.

What is special about these people? Yes, they have given their talents, their insights, time, thoughtfulness. What makes the connection for me in my memory is the caring and warmth that came from them. This quality is harder to define in words.

Who are we? We are not islands "entire unto ourselves". We do thrive from being remembered and genuinely appreciated. It is through our acts of caring that we discover the love we share. We connect.

Only connect! That was the whole of her sermon.
Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted,
and human love will be seen at its height.
Live in fragments no longer. Only connect....
E M Forster

When you are introduced to someone new, you may ask about their role - what they do. For example: teacher, consultant, doctor, journalist, corporate executive or "retired". Then there is a family role - parent, child, brother/sister etc that defines you. But who you are goes beyond what you do in the worldly sense.

We are human BEings, not human DOings. Even those who are very accomplished in their lives tend to be remembered for their human qualities, how they related with people, how they loved, and were loved by, others.

I have no doubt that my Friends on Facebook and my Followers on Twitter are really lovely people. But do I "connect" with them such that they make a lasting and meaningful impression? Not really, up until now.

When I hug dear Trixie, 91 and now 11 months old, I remember that. Older people are not hugged as much as they might like. The warmth of her smile makes that simple act very rewarding.

Beauty is not in the face;
beauty is a light in the heart.
Kahlil Gibran

So who are we? This is something of a mystery to me. There are qualities I recognize such as beauty, courage, humour, joy, enthusiasm, vibrancy, vitality, warmth, audacity. Human spirit, divine essence, soul, infinite energy come close to defining the inner Being for me.

It is in these times, when we have most need of comfort and encouragement from each other, that we may come to know better our profound selves through our acts of caring, kindness and compassion. Through these memorable acts, we may connect more deeply, and awaken more fully, to the love that we each are, and that we share. This awakening of love will I believe be instrumental in transforming many of the disorders we witness and experience around us. I believe that we are all more powerful than we ever dare to consider.

When the power of love overcome the love of power,
the world will know peace.
Jimi Hendrix

Who we each are makes a difference It just takes having the eyes to see. How many of us walk around, not knowing that we make a difference to others, or how? How many of those who have contributed to your life know the difference they have made to you? This might be a good moment to enlighten them. A Thanksgiving moment. Let us now awaken more of the love that we are.

The least movement is of importance to all nature.
The entire ocean is affected by a pebble.
Blaise Pascal

This video I found inspiring:
Who I Am Makes A Difference

Who is the person who has made the most difference to you this year? What does "connecting" mean to you? What are your favourite ways to connect with others? I would love to hear from you.

Please feel free to leave a comment below, or contact me at clearresults@mac.com

Please re-tweet or pass to friends who may benefit from this post.  For updates on The New Wealth Book, click here: The New Wealth Book blog The latest: Awakening To The Power Of Your Wealth

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Michael Macher: To Give Is To Gain: Bobby Sager's Philosophy Of Philanthropy

2009-11-13T10:14:42Z

We've all heard the familiar criticism--that despite our relative wealth and high standard of living, modern life has left many of us feeling lonely, disconnected, and spiritually bankrupt.

At a time when so many of us are working ourselves to death, struggling to support ourselves and our loved ones, and seeking balance in our personal and professional lives, it seems that there is no time to step outside of our immediate experience and ask ourselves the deeper questions about
community, connection, and what it means to reach out and help another human being.

Given the break-neck pace of our own lives, at the end of the day there just doesn't seem to be enough left of ourselves to give--emotionally or financially.

However, there is one activist--entrepreneur-turned philanthropist Bobby Sager--who is on a mission to change our understanding of what it means to give. His life and work do not teach an ethics of guilt, but instead how we might use charity as a creative strategy for leading a fuller, more engaged life. Rather than view philanthropy as an infringement on our already hectic schedules, Sager offers the giving life as a model for transforming the way we live.

Sager's mission began ten years ago when he quit his work as an entrepreneur to dedicate his life to philanthropy full-time. It was then that he took his children out of school, packed his bags, and set out in search of a better way of life. Since that time he has travelled to some of the world's most desperate locations, documenting his experience through the lens of his camera.

I met with Sager at Donna Karan's Urban Zen Studio during an October 27th release party for his latest project--The Power of the Invisible Sun--a collection of photographs taken of children throughout the developing world. The Power of the Invisible Sun is the culmination of nearly a decade of philanthropic expeditions in places such as Afghanistan, Rwanda, and Nepal, ranging from the weeks following September 11th, 2001 until 2009.

Sager has been an outspoken critic of "feel good" philanthropy, wherein one engages in charitable acts in order to induce a passing feeling of self-satisfaction, only to quickly retreat to the isolation of everyday life. A self-proclaimed "doer" rather than a "do-gooder," Sager's own philanthropic orientation is not one of condescension and pity toward those he helps, but of a hope that is both transformative and, as he likes to say, "strategic."

"I don't do this for redemption," said Sager, "I do this because I'm selfish. I always say to people: be selfish, help somebody."

Through his own brand of "eyeball-to-eyeball philanthropy," which emphasizes the importance of direct face-to-face contact, Sager offers up a new way in which to view our relationship toward the giving life--a relationship that is less about giving things up and more about what we stand to gain from engaging in a life of service. "I don't want you to feel guilty for these kids," Sager warns, "I want you to take strength from their strength." Rather than seeing the children in his book solely as objects of his charity, Sager emphasizes how his own face-to-face relationships taught him to live a deeper, more connected life.

Sager's philosophy of giving inverts our narrow conception of philanthropy as merely aiding those less fortunate than ourselves. In his case, it was he--the philanthropist--who gained the most from the strength of those children--from the hope and power that emanated from their eyes. This is precisely what is meant by the Power of the Invisible Sun: "Eyeball-to-eyeball philanthropy is about living a full life--it's about looking people in the eye and discovering a shared humanity."

This search for "shared humanity" is deeply reflected in Sager's photographic process.
"The last one percent of my process is taking the photograph. Before that, it's all about stripping away filters and establishing a human-to-human connection."

Sager has not had to venture on this journey alone. In addition to his family, he was joined by long-time friend, travel companion, and internationally-renowned singer and songwriter Sting, whose song "Invisible Sun"--originally written about the tensions in Northern Ireland--served as the inspiration for Sager's book. Like Sager, Sting's inspiration for philanthropic work stemmed from a sense of personal urgency and fulfillment, saying, "I didn't have any road to Damascus kind of moment, I just do what feels right in the moment, instinctively."

Hosting the event was fellow philanthropist and fashion designer Donna Karan--head of DKNY and noted patient advocate. Karan's longstanding involvement with cross-cultural philanthropy and the preservation of endangered cultures was a motivating factor for supporting The Power of the Invisible Sun.

"We must work to preserve these cultures and the knowledge they contain," said Karan of her involvement with Sager, as well as her own work at the Urban Zen Center. "It is about protecting this knowledge that cannot be obliterated." Karan emphasized the need to create a "center of consciousness" that will utilize indigenous knowledge to combat the apathy and isolation characteristic of our culture. Her Urban Zen Center has been an attempt to create such a place.

Flipping through the pages, readers will notice that The Power of the Invisible Sun is a physically impressive book, and the young faces that grace the pages stare back with full-scale human intensity. For Sager, the book's massive size is a self-conscious strategy that reflects his mission to replicate his own experiences--a way of allowing us to see those children as he saw them. But in the end, the choice is ours whether the promise of their gaze elicits our guilt and condescension, or inspires our strength and hope.

Most of us are not as lucky as Bobby Sager. After all, he has been afforded the opportunity to dedicate his entire life to doing something he loves--that enriches his sense of being. Yet every one of us is capable, in our own way, of reaching out and discovering the joy of a better life--a giving life.

Wendy Block: Veterans Day: Dusty, Faded Surprise

2009-11-11T10:27:45Z

What the...I told the passenger's side rear view mirror of my car when I saw what it showed.

I'd just found the only legal parking place on Moorpark near Van Nuys in Sherman Oaks. All I had to do was parallel park fast and maybe I'd make my meeting on time.

Car all lined up, in reverse and ready to roll, I glanced at that rear view mirror and saw a man in a wheelchair with his back to me, rolling leisurely into my parking space. When he stopped, he turned his chair a bit and I could see his profile.

He had straight, messed up gray hair like a 60-year-old Dennis the Menace. He wore a dusty, faded army jacket. He had no legs.

He looked briefly in my direction, then turned away. I waited with my turn signal on, but he didn't budge.

I put the car in park, got out and, managing to be somewhat courteous, said, "Excuse me. Sorry to ask you to do this, but I've got to get to a meeting and there's no other legal space around. I don't want to hurt you, so I'd appreciate your moving back."

I got in my car. Nothing. I switched into reverse. When he saw I was serious, he grumbled something I was probably better off not hearing, but he finally steered slowly into the red zone behind the space.

I parked and got out and we looked at each other. His eyes were glazed-over blue and he stared through me. His face was simultaneously wrinkled and blank.

"Don't forget to feed the meter," he taunted. Surprised, I heard myself reply in that same tone, "Thanks."

Walking away, my first reaction was amazement at how present and lucid he was despite his appearance. Then I felt ashamed.

The guy was unpleasant but not threatening, and he was obviously in bad shape. I hadn't been mean, but I hadn't been especially gracious either. Then I went to my meeting and stopped thinking about him.

An hour and a half or so later, I returned to find him still there. Somehow he'd maneuvered his wheelchair up the curb to the sidewalk right above my car. "Hi," I called as neutrally as possible, and he replied "Hi," civilly.

I unlocked the driver's door, then felt compelled to say, "I don't want to insult you, but could you use some money?" He stared at me without expression. I opened the door, and heard him say, "Okay."

I pulled out a few dollars, walked over and gave them to him, walked back, opened my door again and looked at him. He said, "It's just so hard..." and I nodded. He continued, "to move."

It took a second to absorb that. I said, "I understand," as if I possibly could. Not knowing what else to do or say, I kind of smiled, got in my car and drove away.

I've never seen him again, though I've spent the past five years parking my car and walking that same block.

If we did see each other he probably wouldn't remember me. Anyway, all I could offer would be to help get him VA services, probably a long shot these days. Maybe he wouldn't even want my help.

But I remember him-- every time a street person asks for money (I always give), when a man holds up a cardboard sign reading something like "Viet Nam vet. Will work for food," when news stories cover veterans returned from Iraq and Afghanistan, struggling to cope with crippling injuries and PTSD.

I remember him when I see soldiers honored, especially on Veterans Day. Wish I could do more. Wish he knew.

Tom Matlack: An Extreme Make-Over For Santa?

2009-11-09T17:59:38Z

Motivated by her own childhood wounding when she learned the "truth" about Santa, Arita Trahan wanted her children to have a Santa that would never lead to disappointment and that they would never outgrow. So, almost 30 years ago, Arita gave Santa a big make-over.

Without fanfare, she told her young daughter a new, expanded Santa story that transformed the holiday icon, reconnecting him to his roots as the hero of anonymous giving and acts of kindness, and expanding him into a game in which children also play Santa themselves.

At the time, Arita didn't tell anyone about it--and no one seemed to notice that the Santa that she celebrated with her then three-year-old daughter was any different from theirs. This Santa played out alongside other Santa "stories" without threat. A generational test has proven the success of Arita's Santa make-over, as she credits her children's exceedingly generous natures to their unending experience of playing Santa from toddler into adulthood.

With bail-outs and belt-tightening headlining the economic news this holiday season, it's a fitting time for the rest of us to give Santa a make-over too. After all, the jolly guy has been getting a bit tired and frazzled in recent years. In many homes, he's been relegated to yet another holiday list-keeper who tracks children's behavior with the constant threat of disapproval and withholding of gifts. And he's also been accused of being hijacked as a tool of commercialism whose primary goal is to stoke the fires of greed in our little ones. Years of people-pleasing have definitely taken their toll.

Just in time to save Santa for this year's celebration, Arita has shared her expanded Santa story in her new book, The Santa Story Revisited: How to Give Your Children a Santa They Will Never Outgrow, written with Norma Eckroate (Downstream Enterprises). I welcome Arita's message and invite you to join me in helping Santa with his extreme make-over, one child at a time.

Of course, Santa is really not at fault for any of the dysfunction that has grown up around his image. In his defense, Santa is in a no-win situation as children are constantly bombarded with the seasonal chorus, "What do you want? What do you want?" The better they get at answering the question, the longer the list and the greater the likelihood that disappointment will follow.

Over the years, it has become customary for parents to require that their children "believe in" this mythical character to an extent that is akin to a religious faith. Arita says, "The problem is that grownups can forget how easy 'make-believe' is for children. Adults don't mean to take the game so far from its original innocence. They just get caught up in the fervor of their own play. Unfortunately, children who 'believe in' Santa often experience an abrupt and often uncomfortable 'unbelieving' that lies waiting around the bend, ready to ambush their celebration at any moment."

In Arita's "expanded" story, Santa becomes a game that everyone plays and a story that each child can tell in his own way. She says, "Santa is as real as anything else in the child's world of imaginative play. In my book, I give parents suggestions on how to encourage their children to play along in the story as recipients and also how to invite them to play Santa themselves. After all, secret giving is a deeply rewarding game. I suspect that is why parents want to extend their own experience as Santa--because giving anonymously is an expression of unconditional love for their children. With the expanded Santa story they can meet that goal without even a hint of deception."

Arita maintains that most children have stopping believing in Santa for about two years before they let their parents in on their newly-found sophistication. She says they do this for three reasons--they are afraid their parents will not be pleased with them for their discovery; they are concerned that they will get fewer presents; and they don't want to disappoint their parents, who seem to be having so much fun playing Santa.

Even after they "know" about Santa, Arita tells us that some children continue to make-believe--partly still believing and partly no longer believing--so they can hold onto Santa as long as possible. They make up a story that works for them. It's what kids do best when left to their own devices.

So how did Arita accomplish her extreme Santa make-over? "It was simple really," she playfully responded. "I exfoliated the dark character lines that had accumulated over time and restored him to the rosy-cheeked story of his earlier years. By giving children permission to play Santa along with him, his burdens were considerably lightened. He breathed a big sigh of relief and instantly appeared even more jolly. The transformation was amazing, as if he'd spent a month being pampered in a spa. He was delighted because his primary role as our happy hero of joyful giving had been fully restored for the first time in generations."

Arita's expanded Santa is also the hero of a new song, I'm Being Santa, which she wrote with her husband, Mark Horwitz. A delightful music video of the song, featuring the Agape International Children's Choir, can be seen on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbh45srDylc. The song celebrates the pay-it-forward nature of anonymous giving and the joy it engenders as children learn to play Santa.

Before the big make-over, Santa is a manipulated mythology tainted by pretense and greed. After his make-over, Santa is the magical hero of anonymous giving and a game for everyone to play. Now here's a Santa ready for your holiday celebrations!

Now don't expect this new version of Santa to be touted by commercial forces. Unlike the spins that come from Hollywood and Washington, each person is in control of his own spin on Santa. I urge you to join me in Arita's quiet revolution and give Santa your own make-over now.

Whether your child is a toddler who is ready to experience Santa for the first time or an older child whom you want to gently and lovingly guide into Arita's expanded story, her book, The Santa Story Revisited, gives you details and scripts that will take you through the process. Excerpts from the book can be found online at www.TheSantaStory.com.

We must act quickly. One home at a time and one child at a time, let's give Santa the make-over that he deserves and that our children deserve.

Photo: Meryl Ann Butler

The Case Foundation: Why Don't People Want To Give?

2009-11-09T12:19:24Z

From The Case Foundation:

Well, the easy answer is that it's hard to make people give because people don't really want to. The logic is simple and compelling. People don't give because we are by our nature self-interested creatures pursuing our own survival in a competitive world. Adam Smith and Charles Darwin saw us for what we are: a collection of individuals looking to get ahead, not give back.

Read the full post from The Case Foundation.

Dr. Alex Benzer: Everyday Grace At Trader Joe's: Who You Really Are

2009-11-06T14:58:20Z

I want to share a quick story with you about something that happened at Trader Joe's grocery store yesterday.

These days, I'm in the middle of teaching a month-long mentoring program for men. We keep a certain amount of material in the course secret for two reasons: it works better when it comes at you as a surprise; and mystery makes me and the course look cool.

Kidding aside, I do want to share with you one thing that I teach in the course. Namely, the answer to the question, "Who are you really?"

One of the three answers I suggest is "You are a conduit for the abundance of the universe."

If you're sufficiently confused by that answer to be thinking, "Umm, English please," then you're on the right track. Allow me to illustrate by continuing the story. If you've ever been to Trader Joe's, one of their nifty features is that they always have a 'freebie corner' where they're giving away samples.

On this particular afternoon, they had samples of a chicken tikka masala. And it smelled gooood. So I stood in line, and right behind me was a mother with her toddler sitting right in the shopping cart. The kid was getting a little antsy about the food; mom was doing her best to calm him down.

My turn came, and the Trader Joe's lady handed me my small plate with the free sample. And, seeing how I was not in a hurry, I handed it to the mom: "Here you go."

The mom totally lit up with a heartfelt 'thank you' that I felt in my bones, all out of proportion to the gesture. A few seconds later I had my plate (delicious, by the way) and we were both on our merry shopping way again.

Now it's not like I donated a zillion bucks to cure malaria here and Pope Benedict is going to fast-track my application to sainthood (which would actually require that I die first, so no thanks!). I just passed a free sample on to someone who was behind me in line, who would have gotten it in about 30 seconds anyway.

But the reaction I got was all out of proportion to the deed - and it made my day. And perhaps made her feel good, too. This story is a perfect demonstration of your being a conduit for the abundance of the universe. Let me explain: the chicken sample was not really mine. It was free to begin with, so I never really owned it. By giving it away, I wasn't losing anything, because I knew there was more of that where it came from.

And, lo and behold, when I gave it away, more did come my way, with interest: the mom and kid's gratitude, and the little warming of my heart.

Well, guess what, boys and girls: that's true of any kind of possession and giving in life. You think you own stuff? Think again. You're born naked and you leave the same way. Can't take it with you, chief. And if the economic crisis of the past year has taught us anything, it's "easy come, easy go." You can't own stuff. But stuff can definitely own you.

Even if you had paid for the chicken, what makes it 'yours'?

So the next time you're thinking 'my car,' 'my house,' 'my boyfriend,' 'my girlfriend,' 'my toys,' as if somehow there's a stamp of ownership burning your name on that thing, you may wish to reconsider.

When abundance comes your way, you know that it's just like that free sample - the bounty of the universe presenting itself to you through sheer luck. Just as it would be silly to get too possessive of that morsel of free food once it lands in your hand - "this is my chicken now" - it would be equally silly to get hung up on any of your so-called possessions.

There is no fortune made on this earth, not one, that didn't have to do with crazy, insane luck. So there's no point in getting too attached or proud about what came to you through near-miraculous accident. By realizing that you are a perpetual conduit for this abundance -- a pipeline for the bounty of the universe -- you keep yourself from gumming up the works and getting in the way of your own access to abundance. Abundance is infinite! There's far more stuff than you could consume in 10,000 lifetimes.

We're not saying that you should make like Diogenes and give away all your earthly possessions and wear a barrel. By all means, protect your garden fruit from the varmints. Just don't get hung up on stuff so much that its loss can make you unhappier than its presence can make you happy.

I always find it funny when people on the road (including myself) won't let somebody in who's trying to merge. What, like we're going to run out of road or something? Or you might get somewhere 4.3 seconds sooner? There's plenty of road to go around.

Now some of you who are reading this may be in tough spots right now, and what I would say to you is act as if you really are a conduit for abundance. Don't let this temporary state get in the way of your generosity, your open-heartedness, your openmindedness.

Get the wheel of giving turning, in whatever small way you can, and the wheel will inevitably come back to you. As my pastor likes to say, you can only have what you give away, so start giving away more of that which you'd like to have! ('Cause if you're giving something away, it must mean you have lots of it, right? Twisted logic, but kind of true.)

And those of you who are not experiencing privation but are still feeling constricted - let's get you re-started. Start by smiling at passersby. Then work up from there.

One of the most eloquent passages on giving comes from Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet:

Then said a rich man, 'Speak to us of Giving.'
And he answered:
'You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.'

For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow? And what is fear of need but need itself?
Is not dread of thirst when your well is full the thirst that is unquenchable?

There are those who give little of the much which they have - and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.

And there are those who have little and give it all.
These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy,
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;
They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.

Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes he smiles upon the earth.'

And that's everyday grace, my friends. Resolve to give of yourself daily and practice being what you really are - a conduit for abundance. The rest will take care of itself.

The power is within you
Dr Alex

PS: Want to practice some giving right now that ain't gonna cost you anything? Forward this message to someone whom you think would benefit from it.

More on who you really are in the dating book for women
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Read more: Alex Benzer, Trader Joe's, Tao of Dating, The Giving Life, Abundance, Everyday Grace, Self-Knowledge, Pope Benedict, The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran, Giving, Conduit, Spirituality, Living News

Julia Moulden: Think It's Over Once You're 60? Check Out The Purpose Prize

2009-10-31T07:57:44Z
This is the true story of a couple of ordinary Americans who thought, once they turned 60, that life would be uneventful. That maybe the marriage of their three children - and the grandchildren to come - would be the highlight. Instead, they've just won a prestigious award that honours their world-changing work.

Elizabeth and Stephen Alderman's amazing journey began on 9/11. Their son, Peter, lost his life in the World Trade Center. In the months that followed, as they mourned mightily, an idea began to grow. They realized that they wanted to do something in honour of their son. Considering and rejecting all of the expected options, they were at a loss for what to do. Then, watching a story on Nightline about the estimated one billion survivors of trauma around the world (such as civil war and terrorism), it came to them. "We couldn't help our son, but we can do something for those who survive."

Before long, they founded the Peter C. Alderman Foundation, whose mission is to help create mental health systems in strife-torn countries. Specifically, to help local caregivers learn how to treat people who are suffering from conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder. In just eight years, they've established nine clinics and trained 385 local doctors who have, in turn, trained more than 400 health care professionals. And over 100,000 people have been helped to date in Cambodia, Ethiopia, Kenya, Liberia, Rwanda, Somalia, Sudan, Tanzania, Uganda, Burundi, the Congo, and Zimbabwe.

Steve says that health care is just beginning to be recognized as integral to the recovery of a country's citizens. "Mental health is central in post-trauma recovery. Without it, everything else founders. How can you take care of yourself, your family, or your community, when you can't even function? Psycho-trauma, as the African medical professionals call it, is the scourge of the continent. In terms of numbers of people afflicted, it's bigger than HIV/AIDS, malaria, and tuberculosis combined. Yet there's virtually no philanthropic or aid dollars being invested in that direction."

I asked the Aldermans to tell me about one particular person the clinics have helped. They chose James Opyia, 17, of Uganda. James is a former child soldier - that is, he was kidnapped by the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA) of northern Uganda when he was just 13. Some estimates peg the number of children kidnapped by the LRA at 35,000, others say it's closer to 60,000. I'll let Liz tell James' story. And I warn you, if you haven't read about child soldiers, it's horrific:

Most child soldiers are forced to commit an atrocity when they are taken away to ensure that they will be too ashamed to try to escape and return. They are forced to kill their father, for instance, or cut off their mother's lips. Once 'in the bush', the boys are turned into soldiers, the girls into sex slaves. The boys are given drugs, usually amphetamines, and forced to begin killing. If they don't kill, they are killed. And the more they kill, the faster they move up the ranks. When we met James, that had been his life for more than three years. He escaped, heard about our clinic, and found his way there. His treatment began with a ritual cleansing - our work is culturally specific, and people won't believe they can get well if we don't begin with the traditions that are essential to them. Then, if the patient is really bad, as James was, they'll get drugs to help still the muddy waters, and get them ready for talk therapy. James then attends a program to help him prepare to re-enter school. And, finally, to attend school, and begin to live as normal a life as is possible for him. In the beginning, he was unable to make eye contact at all...

Here, Steve interjects. "Remember the Vietnam vets? They called it the thousand-yard stare." We talk for a minute about what is going on with the many of the men and women who served in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Today, James is smiling and communicating and ready to go to school. That's his photo that graces the top of this post.

The Aldermans are also working hard to get mental health onto the global health care agenda. They explained to me that donor and aid decisions are made based on policy, which is, in turn, influenced by data. Here's Steve again, "We're collecting data to show results. All of our clinics are collecting information and reporting quarterly. They're looking at diagnoses, treatments, and successes."

Is it any wonder that the Aldermans were just honoured with the Purpose Prize? Each year, the prize honours people 60+ who are using their experience and passion to take on society's greatest challenges.

"The Purpose Prize winners combine creativity, experience, and passion with a desire to do something bigger than themselves," says Marc Freedman, co-founder of the Purpose Prize and Civic Ventures, a national think tank on boomers, work, and social purpose. Funding for the Purpose Prize comes from The Atlantic Philanthropies The Atlantic Philanthropies and the John Templeton Foundation (I'll be writing about the insightful Marc Freedman, founder of Civic Ventures, and his remarkable team soon.)

There's lots more about the Aldermans and their extraordinary work on their site (and here's a great video about the Aldermans from the Purpose Prize site):

And if you'd like to meet them - and the people who are helping make their work possible - you might consider getting tickets for their fundraiser in New York in November (there's more information on their site, or scroll down to read). If you're curious about how the money is invested, here's a thumbnail. Thanks to their partnerships with governments and faith-based organizations in the countries where they operate, every dollar donated to the Peter C Alderman Foundation generates $3.85 in products and services to help take care of people. And on-the-ground costs are super low. "To run two clinics in Cambodia," Liz told me, "It costs the foundation $21,600 a year."

Now it's your turn. Are you over 60, and does this help you think about these years in a new way? Are you doing something now? Are you thinking about what Marc calls an "encore career"? Please share your thoughts with us all by commenting below. As always, I invite you to email me: julia (that familiar symbol) wearethenewradicals (DOT) (com).

Julia Moulden is on tour, talking about New Radicals like Liz and Steve Alderman.

Peter C. Alderman Foundation Fundraising Event
Tuesday, November 10, 6:30pm
Harmonie Club, 4 East 60th Street, New York, NY
***Bob Costas will be Master of Ceremonies
RSVP or questions to info@petercalderman.org

Read more: Philanthropy, Therapy, Purpose Prize, Charity, Child Soldiers, War, The Giving Life, 9/11, New Radicals, Psychology, Uganda, September 11th, Julia Moulden, Peter-C-Alderman-Foundation, Living News

Halle Tecco: Female Entrepreneur And Artist Imports Art; Exports Opportunity

2009-10-27T17:40:51Z
Social entrepreneur and artist Willa Shalit believes that the solution to poverty is not aid, but rather empowering women by providing sustainable, meaningful work. So when the CEO of Macy's offered to write a check to help women in Rwanda, Willa declined the offer and instead proposed an international business to distribute intricate, hand-made artisan baskets through the 810-department-store chain.

Since 2005 when Willa founded Fairwinds Trading, their partner organization in Rwanda, Gahaya Links, has grown from employing 50 weavers to over 3,000 weavers in the Rwandan countryside. They've also expanded to women in Indonesia, and began making other products like jewelry and textiles.

A life-long fighter for women's rights and empowerment, Willa embodies the strong and colorful spirit of the baskets. With a visceral love for and appreciation of art, she describes the quality craftsmanship and pragmatic production chain: "The initial design concept comes directly from the women in Rwanda. Women from all over the countryside travel to our center in Kigali for two weeks of training, then go back to their respective villages to teach others and produce the baskets at home. This way, rural communities remain intact."

While this is the first time Willa has focused on the Majority World, she has been empowering women for years. While serving as the co-producer of the infamous Vagina Monologues, she co-founded the non-profit V-Day, that distributes funds to grassroots, national, and international organizations that work to stop violence against women and girls. The common thread among her endeavors is providing women with tools to be healthy, happy, and independent.

When I asked her what it takes to be a successful social entrepreneur, she advised: "Don't be afraid of failure. Be proud of failure. To be an entrepreneur, you have to fail 99 times for 1 success. We all have ideas, and a lot of time they're crazy, but you can't be afraid to put them out there."

Fairwinds Trading baskets are available online here, or at 30 select Macy's department stores.
Read more: Willa Shalit, Social Entrepreneur, Empowerment, Activism, The Giving Life, Living News

Deborah Plummer: A Standing Ovation For Upstanders

2009-10-27T13:07:06Z
I attended a Film (and other ARTS) Feasts event to support the Cleveland International Film Festival last week. Lauren Rich Fine, former Wall Street media analyst, moderated a discussion among "three of Cleveland's most celebrated print, radio and media industry leaders"--The Plain Dealer editor, Susan Goldberg; WMJI radio personality, Jimmy Malone; and television personality, Tim White. What resonated for me during the hour-long discussion on the state of the media's future was the theme of civic responsibility and how each individual is responsible for how they gather and take in information, and how we are responsible for the subsequent decisions and actions (e.g. voting) that result from how we use information.

The Choosing to Participate exhibit opened at Cleveland's Western Reserve Historical Society on October 21st, underscoring the importance of our responsibility with regard to what we do with information. One part of the exhibit presents historical information through four pods. Crisis in Little Rock, Arkansas describes the way people responded to the integration of Central High School in 1957. Not in Our Town examines how citizens in Billings, Montana came together to combat hate crimes. Little Things are Big tells a decision made on a late night subway ride in New York City in the 1950's by a Hispanic male. And The Power of a Story tells the story of peace activist and Cambodian refugee Arn Chorn Pond and how speaking out can lead to healing and redemption.

For me, the power of the exhibit comes from the residual effect of these historical events on our family, neighbors, and friends--especially those who make the connection between history and the moral choices we confront in our everyday lives. Facing History and Ourselves, the sponsors of the exhibit, call these individuals Upstanders. Upstanders are people who, when faced with information that is troubling because of injustice, take a positive stand and act on behalf of themselves and others. A Choosing to Participate companion exhibit, featuring portraits and inspiring stories of local Upstanders, is the connective tissue to the four historical pods and a compelling community catalyst for civic engagement. It reminds us that every day we have the opportunity to make decisions on behalf of our community. I was happy to see portraits of folks that I recognized and friends like LaJean Ray, Director of Fatima Family Center, honored as Upstanders. They remind me that we do not make personal decisions in a vacuum.

An even more vivid reminder of this fact came from a young Shaw High School student, Alana Garret Ferguson who, in an Obama-like manner and with the insight and wisdom of elders, spoke about the connection of history to her choices today. Facing History classes supported her to link her personal history as an African American to that of Max Edelman, a Holocaust survivor and honored Upstander. She took Mr. Edelman's lessons of courage, fortitude and perseverance and applied them when she was bullied at school. Her world view was expanded and enlightened through learning the history of Native Americans. Through this history she took examples for how to affect positive change in the world. Alana wants to continue to make positive changes as an attorney. There were many in the audience who decided to help her achieve that goal. Alana left that evening with a two-inch stack of business cards.

We live in a knowledge economy where we can gather information faster than ever before and take in encyclopedic volumes of information in a matter of hours. Upstanders remind me of how to take that information and act responsibly in a collective capacity. Upstanders help me to expand my vision and believe that we can create the kind of world where everyone matters. And for that, I give them a standing ovation.

Read more: Civic Participation, Civic Engagement, Facing History and Ourselves, Choosing to Participate Exhibit, Happiness, The Giving Life, Living News

Julia Moulden: Math Is Not Hard: A Simple Method That Is Changing The World

2009-10-24T10:33:32Z
"Math is the easiest subject for kids to learn."

Say what?

Yup, that's what John Mighton believes. And he's got everything he needs to back up this counter-intuitive assertion.

Let's start with the commonly-held view. "Math is hard." Even Barbie said it. We somehow grow up thinking that either you're born with the math gene or you're not. And if you're not, well, good luck to you. Like most people, you'll begin to falter in grade school, think it's hopeless, and give up. Sound like you? Your kids? Your students?

What if there were a different way of looking at math? Well, there is. And John Mighton is its champion. This new way says this: every child can learn how to do math. Every child. And that learning in this new way opens the door to everything else.

Our story begins where it must, with John. In his thirties, he began tutoring students in math as a way to supplement his income as a playwright (more on that later). His childhood interest in math rekindled (like you and me, he figured he didn't have the math gene), he decided to go back to school to become a mathematician. Even though he'd tutored for years, before long he found himself struggling and flunked a couple of tests. Paralyzed by insecurity, he convinced himself that he had reached a threshold he'd never get beyond. But then he started to think about what he'd learned as a tutor. That if he broke things down for students into small increments, if they had a chance to practice and learn, they could inevitably continue. He realized that the same thing was true for him, too. This was John's first "a-ha!" moment. A powerful enough realization that he went on to earn his PhD.

Looking for a way to give back to his community, he decided to try to help more kids with math. One day, it occurred to him that mathematicians don't always make the best teachers of the subject, because math comes easily to them. And here comes the second "a-ha!". "Because I'd struggled with math myself, as a tutor I wasn't inclined to blame the student. If the student didn't understand, I assumed there was something wrong with my explanation."

How powerful is that? Eager to get his revolutionary approach to teaching math into the hands of teachers, John created a not-for-profit organization called JUMP (Junior Undiscovered Math Prodigies). Today, JUMP is getting spectacular results with all kinds of kids. For instance, after working with JUMP, an entire class of Grade 3 students, including so-called slow learners, scored over 90% on a Grade 6 math test. A group of British children who had been written off as too unruly responded so enthusiastically and had such impressive results that the school board adopted the program. I could go on and on.

Here's one story John shares in his new book, The End of Ignorance. "Six weeks ago I walked into a Grade 4 class in an inner-city school and was surprised to see a body lying on the floor with a coat draped over its head. This student (a boy as it turned out) apparently came to school most mornings in a listless and depressed state. I told the boy that I was going to teach a very interesting lesson on fractions, and I asked him to please go back to his desk so I could get started. The boy just stared at me blankly, and neither the teacher nor his best friend could convince him to stand up. It was clear that I would have to start the lesson with the boy lying at my feet, so I told him he could stay where he was if he was comfortable. I also bent down and showed him how to add on his fingers in case he wanted to take part in the lesson. I showed his classmates how to add a pair of fractions with the same denominator, and a few minutes later, when the children were waving their hands to answer a question, the boy suddenly put up his hand and answered the question while he was still lying on the floor. I found it quite comical to see his hand shoot up from the floor every time I asked a question, but the other children didn't seem to see anything odd in this. After I had given the boy a chance to show off with several questions, he stood up and went back to his desk. He finished all the work that the other children did, and even asked for extra questions when the lesson was over."

Here's John being interviewed on Book TV.

JUMP offers an in-class program that delivers the complete curriculum for Grades 1 - 8, and it's being used by teachers in Australia, Canada, Great Britain, South Africa, and the United States. There are workbooks, teacher's guides, and new releases are coming on board all the time - like "Math and the Environment", "Math and Art", "Math and Sports". (For analytically-minded readers, JUMP is being tested by third-party evaluators. See JUMP site for more.)

OK, so clearly learning math is within reach of every child. And that's world-changing all on its own. But there's more. In The End of Ignorance, John describes JUMP's methods in detail, but it's not really about JUMP or even math. It's about how we learn and how we can enhance our potential. It's about the barriers we place, out of ignorance and indifference, between the majority of children and their unrealized potential. So not only are the ideas behind JUMP useful for math, but they can help kids learn other subjects, too. They're learning how to learn, how to think, how to be creative innovators. As one teacher from the UK put it in a letter to John, "My students are becoming ballsy independent problem solvers."

Which is precisely what our world needs right now - all of us, not just children, but grown-ups, too. Check out Thomas L. Friedman's recent New York Times column for his thoughts about who's going to do well in the new economy, and the kinds of things we need to nurture through education.

I'm not sure John Mighton ever sleeps. In addition to JUMP, his books, his work as a mathematician, he's also an Ashoka fellow (I wrote about Ashoka recently as part of my series on the New Radicals - Ashoka, the McConnell Foundation and the Social Innovation Generation at MaRS are huge supporters of JUMP). And he's an award-winning playwright. His latest play is called Half Life (here's a review). I asked him what it's like to do such seemingly different kinds of work. "I've made discoveries in math that were influenced by my literary training and some of my best ideas in theatre have come from mathematics."

Clearly, "I can't do math" is a myth. "Yes, I can" is much more like it. Which is just the spirit we need to be global competitors in the 21st century. And to live up to our full potential as human beings.

Now it's your turn. Have you - or someone you know - struggled with math? Have you tried JUMP? Do you think we limit ourselves and our children? Please comment below, or email me - JULIA (that familiar symbol) wearethenewradicals (dot) (COM).

Julia Moulden is on tour, talking about the New Radicals.

Read more: The Balanced Life, Math, Kindle, Jump, Books, The Giving Life, Careers, John Mighton, New Radicals, McConnell Foundation, Giving, Ashoka, Julia Moulden, Living News

Anne Naylor: Can We Afford NOT To Be Of Service?

2009-10-24T10:26:12Z
How far that little candle throws its beams!
So shines a good deed in a naughty world.
William Shakespeare

On my recent trip to London, I went to one of the most innovative book launches I have ever attended. It featured a clotted cream tea. Clotted cream is not for the faint of heart, or those hoping to lose weight. Nor were the cakes that accompanied it. Moreover, this super rich cream was served with delicious blackcurrant jam (jelly) on warm, freshly made scones (biscuits).

The event included a workshop, Q&A and book signing -- all donated, apart from the price of the book, if you chose to buy it. What a wonderful gift of giving it was.

The book at the centre of all of this attention is the new one by Drs John-Roger and Paul Kaye: Serving & Giving Gateways To Higher Consciousness, available from 1st November.

In the workshop, we were invited to explore and discuss how we could be of greater service to ourselves and others. We were introduced to 10 second stillnesses. This simplest of techniques brought the room of 175 of us into such a peaceful quality, we could have been out in nature, by a quiet lake, or up a mountain or in the depths of a forest -- not in the centre of a bustling city.

Try for yourself now. Let go of your reading. Close your eyes for 10 seconds and take in a deep breath. Drop your shoulders. Allow yourself a moment of peace. You can do this at any time: by the computer, in a line of traffic, waiting for your child to come out of school. I have found it works like magic. Taken frequently, 10 second stillnesses can bring a calm to your whole day. What a great way to serve yourself!

If we do more with less,
our resources will be adequate to take care of everybody.
Buckminster Fuller

The book has many gems. The reader is encouraged to read it not from cover to cover but to put it down from time to time, and go serve. Serving can be as simple to do as breathing in and breathing out. It could be picking up the phone to someone who may be alone; offering a word of encouragement to a person who is struggling; taking the time to prepare a nurturing meal for your partner.

We are designed for giving. When we do so, our lives come into a certain order, even and especially when things seem so chaotic and uncertain. A serving frame of mind will respond when asked. For example, yesterday a woman came up to me outside a public toilet, asking me if I had toilet paper -- there was none. I do not usually carry it around, but I had a pack of tissues.

Man discovers his own wealth when God comes to ask gifts of him
Rabindranath Tagore

You may protest. With all of the demands currently in your life, and the stresses you are already experiencing, how on earth can you be expected to go out and serve others? Isn't life difficult enough already without being expected to go and do more for others?

It is when times are most difficult that we really need to take better care of ourselves. But the emotions of fear and doubt cause us to forget common sense. We need wisdom. But wisdom does not come from pressing the panic button and going unconscious.

To keep a lamp burning we have to keep putting oil in it.
Mother Theresa

With serving well comes awareness -- recognizing the need to recharge your batteries when they run down, and to know when they are run down in the first place. Look what would happen if you breathed out the whole time. Fortunately, our bodies have a way of breathing in automatically. So too with serving: we need balance.

The headings alone for the section of the book: Serving and Giving to the Self inspires self-caring: To your own self be true; Be good to yourself!; Taking time for yourself; Serving yourself; Why is it such fun to give?; Learn to receive; The gift of receiving; Taking care of ourselves versus indulging ourselves; Giving is such a selfish thing; Server, heal thyself; Have fun and rejoice in it.

The core of Serving & Giving is love, or more accurately loving and caring. It is the frequency of love that lifts us above our troubles and woes, and more than that, finds a way through them, and more than that, places us in a position to live the lives of our heartfelt dreams. We are each of us born with a wealth of love to express: gifts, talents, natural attributes.

When all seems hopeless, the energy of love will find a way forward. Serving and giving awakens more of our love. At this time, can we afford not to be giving and serving?

Every day use your magic to be of service to others.
Marcia Weider

How has serving (yourself or others) benefitted you? Who most inspires you by their acts of giving and serving? If you could better serve yourself, what would you be doing?

Please feel free to leave a comment below, or contact me at clearresults@mac.com

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Read more: Wisdom, Rabindranath Tagore, Service, William Shakespeare, Buckminster Fuller, Self-Awareness, The Giving Life, Serving, Dr Paul Kaye, Mother Theresa, Dr John-Roger, Giving, Living News

Dr. Judith Rich: Causing Peace: A Nobel 'Call To Action'

2009-10-21T09:40:54Z
The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.
Abraham Lincoln

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
Albert Einstein

Last week, I wrote a column suggesting there was a greater intelligence at work in awarding the Nobel Peace Prize to Barack Obama. I suggested the intention was to help initiate an evolution in our collective consciousness from one of seeing ourselves as separate, thus objects to be dominated and controlled and making war possible, to understanding our inherent oneness, unleashing freedom and co-operation among all of humanity, thus making peace the dominant paradigm. I called this a collective opportunity to "think outside the box".

Such an evolution in consciousness would change the world.

Thanks to the many readers who took part in our discussion last week, and those who shared it with their friends, the article was among the most emailed on the Huffington Post the day it appeared.

Clearly, we all seem to have an opinion on the matter! I hope you'll stay engaged in the conversation as we continue looking in this direction. I can feel my own curiosity and interest being sparked as I do the research necessary to write these posts. There is much to be learned and shared on this subject.

As in any inquiry, the thoughts shared last week were met by many differing points of view. Our varying ways of seeing the world make it all the more interesting. I welcome and encourage your thoughts and ideas, regardless of whether you agree or disagree with mine.

One thing I noticed in the discussion, and this is part of our "conditioned" human nature, is the tendency at times, for people to make wrong, those with whom they disagree. We all do this to some extent; some of us more than others. Part of "waging peace" is learning to respect the opinions of those with whom we differ, without resorting to name-calling, finger pointing or worse, physical violence.

Learning to listen beyond our firmly established filters that dictate what we think before we've even heard what the other person is saying, opens the doors to authentic communication, in which all parties feel heard. This is a skill that can be learned. It takes commitment and practice and the willingness to open and see things differently than the way you've always seen them.

Feeling heard is a major component in conflict resolution, which is a step on the road to waging peace. More about specific steps to waging peace, including conflict resolution in future posts.

Meanwhile, America's evolution from one of the most aggressive military forces on the planet, to using its mighty resources to promote peace at home and abroad, would dramatically alter the equation for the entire world.

Some might say that sounds too idealistic, a Pollyanna pipe dream. There are those who scoff at the very idea of peace as a policy, fearing the U.S. would be end up being run by the United Nations, and be seen as weak and vulnerable. There are those who say peace is for sissies, that it doesn't fit the image of the U.S. as a mighty country with the most powerful military on earth.

They ask, "How could we be the world's policeman and the world's "fairy godmother of peace" at the same time?

Well, why not? Who said we couldn't? We can walk and chew gum at the same time can't we? Why can't we evolve our ability to be peace warriors while maintaining our security? Are we so limited in our thinking we cannot embrace these ideas simultaneously?

Peace is a mind-set that determines how we see the world and the actions we choose to take. We, as a nation, as a people, have not chosen to be peaceful. We are #83 on the Global Peace Index that ranks the nations of the world by their peacefulness and identifies some of the drivers of that peace. The lower the score, the more peaceful the nation. Guess which country is #1? I'll reveal the index scores next week.

"New institutions are needed for the 21st Century, new organizations with a 21st Century mind-set."
Secretary of Defense Robert Gates

Waging peace is part of that 21st century mind-set. We must learn to trust peace, to see it as something beyond the absence of war. We must learn how to cause peace, discover what are the factors that contribute to a peaceful society. We need the leadership of trained experts in the field of peace and non-violence. They exist, yet you've probably never heard their names. We're going to get acquainted with these people in future posts.

The establishment of a Department of Peace as part of our federal government would help to forward this vision of a 21st century mind-set that embraced non-violence as one of our strategies for securing the future for all mankind. That's exactly what Dennis Kucinich and the 71 co-sponsors of HR 808 intend for the legislation they've introduced to the United States House of Representatives.

Check here to see if your legislator is one of the 71. All are Democrats. Question: Why are there no Republican co-sponsors? Are the Republicans anti-peace?

While such proposed legislation is not a new idea, successfully bringing it into law calls for nothing less than a revolution in our way of thinking.

Efforts to establish a Peace Department have been tried and repeatedly failed since 1792, when noted African American scientist, Benjamin Banneker, and Dr. Benjamin Rush, a signer of the Declaration of Independence, first laid out their plan for the idea.

Similar legislation has been introduced regularly since 1935, yet all efforts have failed. A typical response came from President Nixon in 1969, when 16 Senators and 59 Representatives sponsored legislation in Congress calling for a DOP. Responding in a press conference, Nixon said:

"I consider the Department of State to be a department of peace. I consider the Department of Defense to be a department of peace, and I can assure you that at the White House Level in the National Security Council that is where we coordinate all of our efforts towards peace.

"I think that putting one department over here as a department of peace would tend to indicate that the other departments were engaged in other activities that were not interested in peace."

President Nixon missed the point. But he isn't alone. The powers that be (our representatives in congress) haven't gotten the point yet about the necessity for a DOP. They've conflated pro-peace with anti-war, which are two completely different things. One is oriented around war, the other around peace. The gap in understanding these differences points out how much work we've yet to do in this area.

Peace is more than the absence of war; it is a positive state of being predicated on the presence of a peaceful heart. The mission of the Peace Alliance is to move this realization from the margins of our political dialogue to its rightful, central place within our national understanding. The humanitarian impulse to foster brotherhood and justice is not just a utopian ideal; it is an issue critical to our national security.

The Peace Alliance

Why is it so hard to wage peace? Let's start with the fact that war is highly profitable. A whole lot of people (think defense suppliers like Halliburton and the military contractors like Blackwater) are making trillions of dollars off war. Eisenhower was right when he warned us against the dangers of the military-industrial complex. The military-industrial complex runs our country. We're the big, bad boys with the big, bad toys. We spend more on our military budget per year than the rest of the world combined!

Of all the enemies to public liberty war is, perhaps, the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other. War is the parent of armies; from these proceed debts and taxes ... known instruments for bringing the many under the domination of the few.... No nation could preserve its freedom in the midst of continual warfare.
James Madison, Political Observations, 1795

The war in Iraq and Afghanistan has surpassed our involvements in WWI and WWII combined and is approaching that of Vietnam, which was 8 years, 5 months. "No nation could preserve its freedom in the midst of continual warfare".

Who says peace is not an important strategy in our security arsenal? The idea of preventing wars in the first place is long overdue as a line of first defense. That is not to say there won't be the need for armed conflict in such a strategy. That ideal will most likely not happen in our lifetime and we must be prepared to use military might when absolutely necessary. But that has been our first line of defense during the past 8 years. We've taken the military option as our only response to conflict when diplomacy might have produced better results. I'm just saying....... it's not about either/or; it's a both/and proposition.

HR 808 was introduced last February, yet it has virtually disappeared from public view since then. Where are the 71 co-sponsors? Will this bill die in committee like all the ones that came before it? Do we have anything to say about whether or not it succeeds? The Peace Alliance thinks we do.

The legislation will pass from bill to law under one condition: that a wave of citizen interest rise up from the American people and make itself heard in the halls of Congress.

Learn how to get involved with their efforts in the campaign for a Department Of Peace here.

From their website, here's what they say about the focus of HR 808:

The sole focus of a U.S. Department of Peace will be the prevention and reduction of violence.

Domestically, the Department of Peace will develop policies and allocate resources to effectively reduce the levels of domestic and gang violence, child abuse, and various other forms of societal discord.

Internationally, the Department will advise the President and Congress on the most sophisticated ideas and techniques regarding peace-creation among nations.

Causing peace is a many-layered subject. Within the limits of space here, we can barely scratch the surface, but we'll take a stab at it in the weeks to come, so I hope you're up for the journey. Personally, I can't think of a topic that has a greater potential impact in our lives than this one.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about how to cause peace, starting with your own life, right where you are. Please drop by the comment section and weigh in, and I'd love it if you did all that other peaceful, co-operative stuff like post this on your FB page, Tweet, Buzz, Digg and Become A Fan. And then, if you've any juice left, drop on by my personal blog and web site, Rx For The Soul, where you can access my personal blog archives and leave a message for me if you'd like personal contact.

And as always, thanks so much for being here. I appreciate you!

Blessings on the path.

Read more: Living News, Obama Nobel Peace Prize, Featured Contributor, Call to Action, Dr. Judith Rich, Peace Alliance, Nobel Peace Prize, Huffington Post, The Giving Life, Living News

Emma Byrne Rooney: How First Candle is Fighting SIDS

2009-10-20T18:47:20Z
As a mother, there is nothing I am more devoted to than the health and well-being of our nation's most precious citizens . . . our children. When we are expecting a baby, we are full of hope -- dreaming of a bright and happy future for our child. For a parent, there is no greater joy in life than the joy a child brings and no greater sorrow than to lose a child.

In 2004 I was pregnant with my first child. As my due date approached I became concerned because I felt the baby moving less and less as the days passed. I was reassured by my obstetricians and by well-meaning friends that babies move around less toward the end of pregnancy. After a couple weeks of this and a strong maternal instinct that something was wrong, I went to my doctor demanding they do something more, but it was too late. My daughter Fiona had died in utero the day before.

After our loss I was shocked to find out that 1 out of every 150 pregnancies end in stillbirth. And, of the 4 million babies delivered this year, more than 26,000 will not reach their first birthday. These statistics shocked me. In this country of so many resources and scientific advancement, why are our babies still dying in such large numbers?

In the midst of my grief I sought answers to these sad facts. That's how I came upon First Candle, formerly the SIDS Alliance. They were committed to finding answers and preventing many of these unnecessary deaths. The organization is a beacon of light that helps guide families through their sadness and grief when their babies die. First Candle's awareness and prevention campaigns are unparalleled. Their support of medical research and educational outreach efforts have helped save more than 35,000 precious lives in the past decade alone. First Candle has been a leader in the National Back to Sleep Campaign, credited with reducing SIDS rates by more than 50 percent. And now, the organization has taken on the fight of impacting our nation's high rates of stillbirth with research, advocacy and its lifesaving Kicks Count! campaign.

Kicks Count! is a simple, free, effective method of monitoring your baby's health in the last trimester of pregnancy. Had this resource been available to me in 2004, my daughter might be with us today.

As the years have passed, the grief that filled my days has subsided. With time I have found hope and healing from helping other families who have experienced a loss, and in building awareness that can save young lives. While we were not able to celebrate Fiona's first birthday in the traditional sense, we celebrate the joy she brought to our lives every day. As I continue along my journey, I have made a commitment to help support families, educate parents and raise money for research for those who will be affected by these tragedies. I have joined First Candle in its mission to ensure that every baby is given the best possible chance to celebrate not only his or her first birthday, but many happy birthdays beyond.

Every year, First Candle celebrates another year of helping babies survive and thrive with a beautiful evening of dinner and dancing under the stars. This year's charity gala (www.firstcandle.org/gala) will be held at Tribeca Rooftop in New York City on October 22. Here we celebrate the generous contributions of individuals and organizations that are committed to ensuring that other families need not experience the devastating loss of a precious child.

As chair of First Candle's Charity Gala 2009 I ask you to consider joining me at this year's event; and if not in person, then in spirit.

It is amazing how far your dollars can go!

$50 can ensure that 10 babies will receive a free Safe Sleep Snap Shirt, complete with information on how they can sleep safely at night
$100 can ensure that 1,000 expectant parents receive lifesaving Kicks Count! information on how to reduce their baby's risk of stillbirth
$500 can ensure that 15 families in-need receive a free crib, HALO SleepSack, Back is Best pacifier and lifesaving safe sleep information
$1,000 will ensure that more than 500 doctors and nurses receive lifesaving Kicks Count! and Safe Sleep Saves Lives! educational materials and training supplies
$5,000 will ensure that 300 bereaved families receive a SIDS and Infant Death Survival Guide
$10,000 will support evening and weekend coverage for First Candle's national 24/7 bilingual crisis line for one full year
$20,000 will support a researcher working to end SIDS and stillbirth for one full year

To learn more about this fabulous event, access ticket and sponsorship information or make a donation, visit firstcandle.org/gala or call toll-free 800.221.7437.
Read more: Birth, First Candle, National SIDS Alliance, Charity, Children, Motherhood, Sids, Babies, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, The Giving Life, Living News