Three weeks ago, when the threat of breast cancer entered my life, I decided to hang up my blogging hat for a breather. Frankly, I felt everything but witty. The words, large mass on left breast, left me paralyzed with fear. Me, the woman who shrinks from nothing. I panicked.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
Three weeks ago, when the threat of breast cancer entered my life, I decided to hang up my blogging hat for a breather. Frankly, I felt everything but witty.
The words, large mass on left breast, left me paralyzed with fear. Me, the woman who shrinks from nothing. I panicked.
Years ago when this happened, I remember praying to God that I not lose my breast. This time I prayed that I not lose my life. What a difference a few years make on a mindset.
Advertisement
I know I'm no spring chicken, but I have always counted on having a lot of living left to do. I share my life with a wonderful man whom I hoped to grow old with. Very old. Cranky old.
We have big plans for a big life left to be lived out. This put a huge chink in our future's armor.
There were ultra-sounds, mammograms, biopsies and doctor appointments. There was also a palpable amount of fear. For the both of us.
After all, the risk of breast cancer for a woman who is 30 years old is one in 277. Those numbers are bad enough, but when you do the same risk comparison for a women of 61 those numbers jump up to one in 28. I've never been a fan of shrinking odds.
It is also true that in the United States, breast cancer is diagnosed more often in white women than in African-American/black, Hispanic/Latina, Asian/Pacific Islander, or American Indian/Alaska Native women. For those of you who haven't noticed, I'm about as pasty white as they come.
Advertisement
I have also used hormone replacement therapy for nearly five years. Another thing that puts me at higher risk. It gets worse. Overweight women are more prone to breast cancer. Blast, this extra poundage and the Tommy's burgers that helped me get there!
It felt like the writing was on the wall and I could literally hear the clock ticking.
Suddenly my life was just as likely to have an early termination date as it was to go on another 30 years. Try getting a good night's sleep with that on your mind!
I got to thinking; why do breasts matter so much to women, and why do we worry about what our men will think of us if we lose one?
Breasts often portray our sensual side. And the attraction to men can never be denied. What is sexy about a one-breasted woman? The answer would be: plenty!
I realized that I was with a man who didn't give a rat's butt about whether I had one breast or two. That made me feel much better about my intelligence in selecting my forever partner as well as my own comfort in knowing that my sexuality wasn't located in my breasts. My sensuality is in my mind, imagination, vulnerability, wanting and sharing of unabashed bliss. It is fiercely attached to my loyalty and the love of my man. While I appreciate having them, I don't need breasts for any of that.
Advertisement
I concluded that if losing my breast could save my life, I would be a very lucky girl. Now all I needed was a little bit of that glorious luck.
As it happened, it found me. I was cleared of cancer. I was (this time), one of the lucky ones.
It left me with the appreciation of how beautiful my breasts are to me. I love them and appreciate their part in the sculpturing of my body. To lose one would be like losing a family member. It would hurt and I would cry. But if its loss meant that I could live a full and happy life, the loss no longer felt heavy.
And so, I get to keep all of me this time around. I am grateful for that. But even more grateful for the wisdom that was thrown my way by this life detour.
Life is worth everything. A breast is worth much less than that.
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.