When you first get married, your vision of a romantic life can get lost quickly in the day-to-day management of the business of a shared life. Shortly after the wedding, you may find that you both go back to work and to the routine of getting up in the morning, running out the door, and rushing home to dinner, then sitting curled up on the couch in front of the television; domesticity can set in faster than you can unpack your bags from the honeymoon.
How do you create some of that romance now that you are living together as husband and wife? Marriage doesn't have to mean that you give up romance. In fact, now that you're married and living together, it should mean that you make your intimate time together even more of a priority. The best way to transition from single and dating to a romantic married couple is to make your home the place where every evening feels like a mini-honeymoon.
Is your home set up for romance? Is your bedroom a honeymoon suite arranged only for lovemaking and intimate nights together? Take a look around your bedroom and see if your space is set up to create your ultimate love life. Even the best of romantic intentions can be stalemated by a bedroom setting that is not created for love but instead holds stuck energy and clutter.
Examine your bedroom for clues to your RQ: your Romantic Quotient. Your RQ is a rating that reflects three things: the romance, sexiness and relaxation of your bedroom environment. A higher RQ means your bedroom is more relaxed, sexier and more romantic than a lower RQ space. These questions will get you started on figuring out how to change your RQ today.
Take Your Romantic Quotient
Go over the next 21 questions and answer each True or False. On a scale from 1 to 20, you will find your RQ rating can range from "desperate" to "romantically excellent" depending on how your bedroom is set up for lovemaking and intimacy.
TRUE or FALSE:
- Our bedroom is for sleeping and lovemaking only
- Our bedroom has no TV or the TV is in a cabinet with doors that close
- Our bedroom has no desk
- Our bedroom has no computer
- Our bedroom has soft lighting
- Our bedroom has candles
- Our bedroom has beautiful colors on the wall
- Our bedroom has soft sheets above 1,000 thread count
- Our bedroom has extra-soft pillows -- more than 2
- Our bedroom has colorful throw pillows on the bed
- Our bedroom has a feeling of calm
- Our bedroom feels sexy
- Our bedroom has massage oil on hand
- Our bedroom has sex toys in a convenient place
- Our bedroom has lubrication handy
- Our bedroom has erotic reading material handy or sexy movies
- Our bedroom feels safe and relaxed
- Our bedroom has music
- Our bedroom feels romantic
- Give one extra point for anything special or erotic in your bedroom
- Take two points off if your bedroom is cluttered or crowded
15 to 20+ points: Your RQ is EXCELLENT
This means that your bedroom is primarily for lovemaking and sleep. You have created an environment that is primarily romantic, relaxing and sexy. You are working hard to make this a sacred space for your erotic relationship.
RQ to do: Create a sex date once a week. Make it the same time every week. Set up your space to create a romantic environment for lovemaking. Add things that you think your partner will find romantic every week. Surprise them with a new candle or scent, or flowers and a new CD.
10 to 14 points: Your RQ is VERY GOOD
This means that your bedroom is a good space for lovemaking and sleep, but you could use some focus on bringing it to a more romantic and erotic space for the two of you to focus on love. Make some changes now and your romance will only get better.
RQ to do: Can you change the lighting in your room by softening your lampshades and making them a more natural color? Can you clear out the corners of your room and under your bed, letting the energy of the room flow freely? Can you find a cabinet to store your television and hide all of the cords and plugs in the room?
5 to 9 points: Your RQ NEEDS WORK
Your bedroom is out of romantic balance. You have some things in place for eroticism and have some romantic elements here, but your sexiness and relaxation elements are missing. Focus on the vision of your romantic space and together create the space you want by making small changes or even bigger changes if you need them.
RQ to do: Paint the walls a warm color, bringing heat into your space. Hang photos or paintings of pairs or couples, adding the element of partners to your bedroom. Bring in red candles and orange pillows, and blankets with soft textures. Candles with scents can add an element of sensuality to your space as well. Clear out any children's toys or work mess that you have in your bedroom.
0 to 4 points: Your RQ is DESPERATE
It's time to make some much-needed changes to your space. Your romantic relationship may depend on you paying attention to what you change now in your bedroom. It is time to put the focus on your relationship. Make some changes immediately and create your sacred space together. This will help you move toward a romantic future and help you focus on your erotic lives together.
RQ to do: Use a designer who can help you plan small changes in colors, decorations and movement of your furniture that don't have to cost a lot but can change the feel of the room dramatically. You may not have time to do this yourself, and having an expert come in and change things around may help you to change the things you need in the drastic ways that you need it. And think of how fun it will be when you are standing in your new space with your eyes closed, and then, voila, you open them to your new romantic bedroom, made for love.
Notice what feels romantic to you. Rose petals for the bed sheets, soft music in the background? Don't wait for your partner to become sexy or romantic. Create the environment that you want today. Your Romantic Quotient will determine how romantic your relationship can become.
With a few small changes in your RQ, you can improve your love life today and make your honeymoon last throughout the lifetime of your marriage. Contact me for more information on how you can have a personalized RQ assessment (or intervention!) in your home. For an RQ design consultant, contact me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org or go to www.drtammynelson.com today.
Dr. Tammy Nelson is a sex and relationship expert and the author of the upcoming "The New Monogamy" as well as "Getting the Sex You Want" and "What's Eating You?" She can be found at www.drtammynelson.com