The biggest day of the year for female sign ups to AshleyMadison.com, the website for married people looking to cheat, is the day after Mother's Day. In fact, in 2012 there was a 400 percent increase in female sign ups on the Monday after Mother's Day. Noel Biderman, the CEO of Ashley Madison, says that Mother's Day leads women to "magnify the flaws" of their husbands, and "leads to questions" about their relationships. This then leads them to think about "doing something different."
Why? Perhaps Mom feels disappointed.
Being a Mom is a full time job. One day a year a homemade card and pancakes in bed is not too much to ask for. A massage, a manicure, some attention, that's usually what mothers want. Brunch, some shopping, or just some acknowledgement that the major sacrifices that they have made, every day of their lives since the moment of conception, is recognized and appreciated.
If Mom doesn't feel appreciated, the resentment can erode the foundation of the entire marriage. Let's face it, Mom wants acknowledgement on Mother's Day not only from the kids but from the father of her children. If she doesn't feel appreciated for the work she has done, the physical exhaustion and the emotional depletion that comes with mothering, she may turn outward for emotional renewal.
How to make her feel appreciated:
It doesn't take much to show appreciation. More than a card left on the bedside, (and yes, get her a card) take some time to sit down and make eye contact, and send over some heartfelt words. Tell your wife or your baby mama the following "One thing I appreciate about you is..." And then repeat at least three times. Let her know how much you notice the small things she does for your family, and how you see the love that she brings, and take some time to appreciate how she cares for your children, and for you. Help her to know that the things she does really matter.
And then spoil the heck out of her.
Don't let the day go by. You might remember last year? You had some big plans. You did. But in the end you got her a card and maybe some grocery store flowers. You thought about taking her out, maybe for brunch, but you waited for her to make reservations. You never made it out. And it was a nice day and you wanted to play golf. The kids were cranky and she does a better job than you comforting them so you let her handle it. She was tired that night, so you turned on the television to watch the news. You fell asleep on the couch. By the time you went to bed she was asleep. You noticed she had been on her laptop, and you thought that was strange, but you ignored it.
This year, don't ignore it. She could be on Ashley Madison looking for someone who wants to pay attention to her and show her some appreciation. She wants to feel like more than a housekeeper, a nanny and your babysitter. And she might be looking for an affair to make that happen.
This Mother's Day make her feel appreciated and loved. This Mother's Day, do it differently. Remember that appreciation is the key. Think about what she brings to your family and your life, and what she has added to your relationship over the past year. Then tell her.
Let AshleyMadison.com's CEO Noel Biderman wonder why his numbers are down this year on Monday, the day after Mother's Day.
Dr. Tammy Nelson is a sex and relationship expert and the author of The New Monogamy as well as Getting the Sex You Want - great presents for Mothers Day! She can be found at www.drtammynelson.com