Do you have a big why -- a compelling purpose that propels you through your life, forcing you out of bed every day, and fueling your passion? What do you do when that why is concealed?
It has been a while since I've written a public blog post. I would love to offer up a fantastic reason for not blogging here or on my own personal blog, but there really isn't much to say except that my family needed me while we moved across the country and I needed time to gestate within myself.
When you hang out in the rich amniotic fluid of potential for a long time (note it's been 9 months since my last blog here), there is a danger of getting too comfortable and not wanting to leave the safety of nothingness. For me, that would be leaving the comfort of remaining in the very well-known role of mom and wife and not having to take business risks, not having to show up and be responsible towards my clients and ultimately no chance of failure.
But, when it's time for a rebirth, nature has a way of pushing even the most comfortable baby out into the world.
As much as I tried to stay comfortable, and I even took a contract job as a content writer for a web design company, the Universe had other plans for me. I lost that job within 4 days of starting it. No real explanation was offered despite praise for my writing. Obviously, I felt like I had been kicked in the teeth. The next day, I received an invitation to get together with some coaches from the coaching school I had attended.
I almost didn't go because I was still a bit raw from the day before, but I thought that maybe just maybe I was meant to be there. I thought the meeting was some sort of book club with maybe 8 or 10 people about a book I had read , Play Your Bigger Game. Nope. I showed up and there was a room packed with 75 people and the author himself, Rick Tamlyn, visiting Calgary from Los Angeles! He gave me a fabulous hug recognizing me as his Facebook friend and I got two hours of inspirational ass kicking.
The Bigger Game board is set up like a tic-tac-toe game and each square represents a state we are in at a particular time in life. To see Rick live and have him go through the game board with you is amazing and highly recommended. When he explained "Compelling Purpose," a concept I was familiar with and one which I worked on with my own clients, it was as if the light bulb at the end of the tunnel in my birth canal suddenly turned on. I finally knew my big why, that one topic that just gets me all fired up and over which I would go toe to toe with anyone. Justice. Justice for women. Getting Women to roar for their personal justice.
There are many times in my life when that sense of injustice got me to roar: when I stood on the witness stand at the age of 16 and my abuser's lawyer implied that I asked to be raped at 10 years of age; when my publisher required documentation of those legal proceedings before they would allow me to write about it and risk getting sued if I were making it up; when my business partner and best friend was being raked over the coals during her divorce from her abusive and philandering ex-husband; and again reading the media reports of the Jian Ghomeshi trial.
But the comfort zone has a powerful pull. I left the Bigger Game workshop and fell right back into mom and wife mode just as Rick had warned us might happen. But I left with this strong hunger stirring inside me.
Three days later, I went to bed almost angry because of the lack of clarity for my next career step. Do I apply for another job? Which one? Do I relaunch my business? How? Why? And didn't I have a beautiful dream that night about sitting at a networking event and exchanging business cards with another entrepreneur as I explained what my business was all about.
I meditated as soon as I woke up and got the same message again. I am meant to work with women to help them find their voice, speak their truth and write their stories.
Just in case I doubted the message, I received another little sign from the Universe when I turned on my computer. I have a random picture show up on my desktop every time I turn it on and there was a picture of an old fashioned type writer -- a symbol I use to prompt me to write.
And so today I wrote. I wrote this blog as my first step and a public declaration that I am taking bold action towards fulfilling my compelling purpose. Stay tuned, there is more to come.
Have you found your compelling purpose? What is it?
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Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline or 1-800-656-HOPE for the National Sexual Assault Hotline.