Should I Tell Him About My Sexual Past?

Dear Matt and Tamsen,
As you can see by my question, I am bold, very open and always honest about my sexual past with boyfriends. But, with the guy I am currently seeing, I am a little reluctant to tell him about my past. Any help you can give me? I don't want to mess things up and I am sure I am not the only woman facing this problem.

Answer: Any man who has a problem with an experienced and mature woman, who knows exactly what she wants, needs to stay in his white picket fence fantasy world. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes and picking men who were not right for you in the past. The good news is, you know what you are looking for and what is right for you, now.

Here are a few ways to ensure your former flings don't come back to haunt you.

*Avoid bragging about the days you were what you call a "party girl." It may sound hot to your girlfriends, but it probably doesn't sound cool to him.

*Your relationship is not a confessional. It is OK not to reveal everything about yourself, a little mystery goes a long way.

*If you run into an old flame, introduce him, and make sure your boyfriend has the center spotlight. Don't spend your Saturday night making excuses, explaining every intimate detail of this particular past tryst.

Let us know how it goes!

And, if you have a question, ask us at http://www.AskMattAndTamsen.com

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Comments

[Beka13]

This is another tactic that men use to keep us insecure and under their control....Its OK for them to sleep with as many women as they want and we are supposed to be insecure about it? When in reality a man who is insecure about past lovers is insecure about their performance in comparison....IS NOT LOVE. If you are with a man/woman who cares more about your past then your present then they DO NOT LOVE YOU. Either communicate better or leave them to find someone who LOVES YOU for who you are, not what they want you to be.

[Malkin72]

It's not a tactic and if it's a double standard it's accidental.

Women either don't care or PREFER a man who has had many partners whereas many men don't like women who have had a lot of partners.

IF women cared more about men being slu.ts then it would not be "OK" as you say for them to sleep with as many women as they want, etc. BUT they don't.

It's the same with the so-called double standard about age....yes, men like younger women, but as Bill Maher put it, there wouldn't be a double standard "if you (women) didn't still want to ___ Sean Connery."

It's all basic free market principles.

[larry278]

On the other hand some men can learn to cherish a woman who was the good time had by all. Virginity need not become a terminal condition. There is a cure for virginity that lasts a life-time. A man who constantly pursues & gets virgins deserves what he gets.

[PhilipB]

No.
Many people only want to talk about themselves.
Resist that temptation and listen and be in the moment with your loved one right now.

[kesiac]

I say, SAY NOTHING. What does it benefit your relationship