Online dating can be a full time job. In fact, to make sure you are doing it right, it almost has to be. Though, if you are recently divorced and you want to get back out and date or at least meet some good people, it can be a great way to connect. Recently, I met a woman who told me that she has at least three new guy friends she met online over the years, so it can work even if every date is not your soul mate.
Let's look at some of the things to keep in mind if you are planning to go online for the first time after your divorce. I suggest finding someone at your office or a friend who has done it before and can tell you what they learned from trial and error on the different sites that are available to you. Try out a few of the online dating sites and figure out what is right for you in the end. After you built out your profile, here are few tips to keep in mind while you are learning how to navigate the world of cyber dating.
1. Keep time. Avoid the time suckers at all cost. You can go back and forth talking to someone for days or weeks. Don't bother. You need to try and get offline as quickly as possible. Spend a little time online getting to know the person, but not weeks. his is not to say you need to run out and meet the person that night, but make sure it's no more than seven days.
2. No "night of" meetings. This should go without saying, but sometimes people can be anxious. You should not go out and meet someone the first night. Often people are online to hook up. If you are there for a relationship or to meet a person for a date, do not go out and meet someone the night you start communicating. It is not only a bit dangerous, it's simply not smart.
3. Don't be afraid to insist on a photo with a date on it. This is not to be shallow. But the last thing you need to do is plan for a date and then find out the person sent you a picture from 10 years ago. Be honest about what you want and hopefully you will attract someone doing the same
4. Speaking of honesty, don't lie. It is not attractive to lie, but more importantly, it's a waste of energy. Changing your age, the city you live in or your likes and dislikes to attract someone is a waste of everyone's time. Keep it simple. Keep it real.
5. Do your homework. It is okay to make sure things add up. There are so many stories of people who use the keyboard to make themselves something they are not. If you have the time, check them out on social media. Ask for their place of employment; do some research. You are allowed to do that and more importantly, you should.
6. Move on if you must. If there is no chemistry, move on. Don't try to save his or her feelings by prolonging something that you know is not going to work. Be honest and upfront about it. Everyone will be grateful in the end.
7. Give fellow daters a chance. If you liked the person the first time, but didn't fall in love, schedule a second date to see if something has changed. People can be nervous on the first outing; if you think it has potential, give it a second round.
8. Drop disappointment from your vocabulary. Dating online is a numbers game in some ways. Don't be discouraged if you go on 10 coffee dates and only like one person. Plan it that way. Meet as many people as you can and see what happens. But try not to give up and feel down about it. You are out there. It is a huge step back into the world post-divorce.
If you have some tips on how you learned to date after your divorce, I would love to hear them.