The concept of "ghosting" has been bandied about in the break off of the engagement between actors, Charlize Theron and Sean Penn. Ms. Theron reportedly instigated the ice out of Mr. Penn.
It occurred to me that ghosting is the romantic version of the "Hollywood No," a common if not accepted business practice where I live and practice as a therapist in Los Angeles. "The Hollywood No," is silence. It's nothing. It's no exit interview, explanation or contact; no email, text or return phone call.
It is complete withdrawal and abandonment of the relationship, if not forever, then the foreseeable future. My thought in business, unlike romance, "The Hollywood No," is a way to save face and potentially preserve the relationship in case the opportunity arises to work together again.
What follows is pure prognostication but, let's say it's true and Mr. Penn finds himself on the receiving end of being ghosted. At least he is likely not entirely unfamiliar with the practice. To inspire such treatment he likely made it impossible for Ms. Theron to stay with him. At the very least he contributed to her decision, while it could still come as a shocking surprise.
For Ms. Theron, perhaps it was the realization there were intractable circumstances already in place and implacable behaviors Mr. Penn would unlikely change. Perhaps there was an ultimatum in place and some line was crossed one too many times? With middle aged baggage, former marriages and children involved in a new couple's life, chances are there are complications.
In contrast to the ambivalent or long drawn out good-byes, ghosting has its own charms. Never knowing quite why things ended can actually be freeing and uplifting. Rather than the long, drawn out fade by cutting the bitter end short, ghosting can be a better option if you quickly grasp the relationship is not meant for you.
Perhaps you are doing yourself a favor, but will only fully realize this in the long run. The next step is to accept the new rules without harsh judgments of yourself or the others involved.
If we're talking about complications, let's take this farther afield from romance to include friendship. How does this work for a positive re-frame? What if you've been ghosted by an old friend who doesn't like your new significant other?
Cutting off contact, even if it was not your idea, frees up more time and energy to devote to strengthening your primary relationship and that community of friends and family. If any semblance of the former relationship is meant to be, it will return.
The conversations that may ensue when the relationship is reopened may be long overdue, or who knows, unnecessary by that time. All of this reminds me of a beautiful song by the late Warren Zevon which goes, "Even if I leave you doesn't mean I love you any less. Keep me in your heart for a while."