I recently had coffee with two women friends. They are smart, capable women. They have quality degrees and impressive work experience. For the last several years, they've been focused on taking care of their families. Their spouses make enough income that they can afford to do that.
For the first time in my life, I looked at these women and thought, I have a problem with this. I felt upset and frustrated that women so full of love, so intelligent and ethical and affluent--in other words, women with so much power to do good--were having an impact primarily on their families, and not on a larger sphere. Not in 1950, but in 2010. While Wall Street is robbing us and our government is growing more and more controlled by corporate interests. While health care and schools are falling apart. While so much of the world is burning in violence, sickness and poverty.
Jen Louden, the bestselling author on self-care for women, has recently shifted the focus of her work to saving the world, and inspiring her readers to join with her in that work. In a blog post last month she wrote, "For a long time, I've been part of a sub-culture that believes if you raise your consciousness and do good stuff like buy quinoa in bulk and shine light to others during hard times, that will be enough to change the world. I say that's crucial, that's glorious, and that's not enough."
Jen's right, and I would add: "I've been part of a sub-culture that says, if you as a woman spend your time raising healthy, ethical children, keeping your spouse sane and contributing a little to local causes that impact your family, you've done enough to change the world."
It's not enough.
One year ago, the Dalai Lama said in a lecture, "The world will be saved by the Western woman."
We in the West we have the financial resources, political power, education and access to technology that is needed to relieve the tremendous suffering in the world. An who in the West is going to do that work? We women have the hearts, the empathy and the collaborative capacity to do it. We also have the talent, the wisdom and the brilliance needed -- though we often doubt it.
It's no wonder it's hard for women to see ourselves that way. Most women aren't raised with a narrative about loving or saving or changing the world. We're socialized with a narrative about loving the smaller circle of our families. Our lineage is about operating in the personal realm, while the men take care of the political, civic, global.
But women are by nature humanitarians. We are by nature activists, because we have a natural outrage and heartbreak about the pain of others. The next step for women is to let that humanitarianism and activism be unleashed. To let it be, unthwarted and uncensored.
It gets stopped, thwarted, by a little story in our heads that says, "but who am I to...?" or "But this is just how the world is" (because someone told you that once, right?) or "I'm not ready/expert enough/educated enough to ... start the organization/share the idea/lead the charge."
But our instincts are right: the status quo of the world is insane. Six million children dying of hunger each year? Insane. Child trafficking and slavery around the world? Insane. People allowed to make wars out of ego wounds that we know an emotional intelligence 101 workshop would solve? Exploiting the earth in a rapacious pursuit of not only profit but increasing growth in profits? Your instinct is right; it's insane.
Western women, it's time to step up, beyond our families and local communities, to the work of saving the world. The love we have for our children? The deep commitment to fighting for them, being there for them? It's time for us to be there for the children of the world in that way.
Let's do it through our work, our volunteering, our philanthropy--whatever works in each of our complicated lives. But let's dedicate ourselves, in a serious way, to the places in this world where the suffering is most extreme, to the wounds that most need healing. If nothing else, do it because you want to create a better world for your children. Do it because there is a person somewhere in the world who wants to feed her family, to sleep safely, to be free. That someone is without the access to a computer that you have, without the dollar to give that you possess, without the political voice you've been blessed with. Do it because you could have been born as her.
Tara Sophia Mohr is a coach, writer and the author of the Wise Living Blog. You can sign up to receive Tara's free goals guide, "Turning Your Goals Upside Down and Inside Out (To Get What You Really Want)" by clicking here.
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I am curious. Did you discuss with your two friends that you felt "upset and frustrated" by the way they choose to live their lives? I doubt that they would have appreciated being judged for the decisions they have made.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I'm with you - and I too know people who feel their parents were too busy with whatever cause to really be there for them. And I am with you that raising whole people is one of the greatest contributions we can make to the world.
But I am in a place of feeling concerned about the idea that this is enough, and that privileged, affluent, socially conscious and loving women with a great desire to do good feel like they live in a system that doesn't give them tools to do that good while raising children.
I did talk with my friends about it, and we had a great conversation. About their choices, why they made them, what they feel they are missing out on as a result, and all of that.
Warmly,Tara
It is our duty to show our children what successful, thriving, engaged, intelligent women look like - not to be their dutiful servants. I now know that it is the quality of the time that I spend with my children that matters and that by talking to them about my work to make sure that women live up to their worth - that I am making them better citizens of the world.
Thanks for having the courage to write this Tara! Can't wait until your interview posts next week!
(If you want to listen - it's on Tara's last amazing article, we may have to talk again about this one ;-)
www.webtalkradio.net/shows/a-womans-worth
Kiva Leatherman
www.wiseworkshops.com
Warmly, t
I'm with you - men and women are part of the work of saving the world - for sure. All of us, together.
I wrote this article because I think women have a particular role to play that they are not yet playing. (I also think men have a particular role to play that they are not yet playing - but that's a different article.)
Of course, sounds like we do have some different ideas about gender differences. :)
Thanks for sharing your voice and your thoughts here.
Warmly,
Tara
Whew, what a brilliant article. Thanks for stepping out and stepping up. You're re-opening the Mommy Wars that went on a few years back!
I especially appreciate your Comment about Western women not having solutions for the women and the issues of the developing world. This bears repeating. Having spent a decade in International Development work it's so plain to see that ideas imposed from the outside never, ever work.
And I also appreciate the Comment by Tara Gentile, recognizing the mini movement afoot whereby families are simplifying and living on less, by choice. This does send a powerful message to our children, who will ultimately be voters and decision makers.
We with means are part of a social compact with those who don't. And women in particular are perfectly set up to impact change because of the way we are hardwired. Our empathy and our ability to connect make us better partners in all collaborative enterprises.
Thanks for putting out the call once again. We can, and we must!
In sisterhood,
Amy
Thanks! Re the mommy wars: I do want to make the point that I'm not speaking to whether moms choose to work a job - full time or part time or not at all.
I'm speaking to what we hold as our priorities - in our work or in our philanthropy or our volunteering - about how we see our role and our responsibility and our sphere of influence.
Hugs to you!
Tara
We have to know these women… and support them in feeding their families, and educating their children. This is one thing we cannot own. Real change always happens from the bottom up…but we in the west can bankroll projects that transform and save lives. We can speak for the voiceless by our votes and with our check books. We must help to empower women- let them see the power of their own voices- around the world and see all of them as our sisters…..even the ones that live across the rail road tracks on the other side of town.
Thanks for this beautiful call to action and always making me think.
While I do believe that the little things we do at home and in our communities, how we interact with people on a daily basis, the light we shine on strangers around us—all these little things add up to make a big difference. But with really big problems on the other side of the globe, we must take more concerted action. Contributing time and money to organizations that give microloans to women entrepreneurs in third world counties, to organizations that feed hungry children, to organizations that provide free health can go a long way to saving the world.
It's easy to forget when we are dealing with problems in our own homes and communities. But we cannot be truly healthy and whole when others are unhealthy or broken.
Thank you for the reminder!
Kelly
Tara
However, I have to think that women with "quality degrees and impressive work experience" are also changing the world on a macro level by staying home with their children. It was the moms of the 80s and 90s who often went to work in droves to keep up with ridiculous lifestyles of unthoughtful consumption. I think the moms of the 21st century are choosing to stay home as a reaction against that lifestyle.
We've made a choice to get by with less to raise children with more thought & care. I think that as these children enter the work force in the next 20 years, things will change dramatically based on their leadership.
Of course, this doesn't negate our as women need to get out into the wider world now, too. Women need to be beacons of change for both their immediate circle and the world at large.
Hugs to you,
t
As the author of this article, I'd like to add one important piece. Western women don't have the solutions for the developing world. Privileged women don't have the answers for less privileged women. Responsible philanthropy, activism, and development work is about allowing the people facing the problems to develop solutions to those problems. It's about partnership and empowerment.
What we in the West do have are the resources that can activate and distribute those solutions. That includes education, technology, money and our passion.
Thanks for reading,
Tara