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The Bachelorette: Ones To Watch

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Tonight is round two in the quest for Jillian's heart! It's too soon to tell who her future husband/fiancé/television boyfriend of six weeks/ABC's next Bachelor will be. But every season has its standouts and here are some of the characters to keep an eye on:

The Consummate Asshole - JUAN
Not only does he seem like an asshole, but with his slight Argentinean accent, he's the most diverse one of the bunch, making him ABC's clear choice for Bad Guy.

The "How the $#*$ is that guy still around" Guy - BRIAN
Brian is not that attractive and a total D-bag, but if Jillian doesn't jump for him, the ratings just might. Last week, he affectionately called our Bachelorette "Hot Tub Harris" and "Sassy Little Minx". What offensive pet names await us tonight?

Novelty Item Guy - The Insanely Tall British Guy with Hair Plugs and Indiscernible Accent Which Warrants Subtitles
Enough said.

Guy Who is Totally Gonna Snap - MATHUE
Just look at him. He's gonna snap.

This Season's "Jesse" - MICHAEL
Jesse did 100 push ups to impress Deanna, this dude danced on his head. Jesse is a snowboarder, Michael is a break dancer. Jesse was 26, Michael is 25. Coincidence? This kid is too irresponsible to ever be husband-material, but he's fun to watch.

Ed who looks like the character Ed from the TV show Ed - ED
Yes, he gets his own category. And he has super cute dying-puppy eyes. And he's attractive, but not too attractive, which means he'll make up for it in spooning. And he almost seems normal. I'm in love.

Guy I Miss Already - GREG
He compensated for his height with incessant talking, emphatic hand-gestures and a break-dancing duel. Fare thee well, animated munchkin. Fare thee well.

The Real Contenders
1. KIPTYN - Cute. Speaks in full sentences. Can you ask for more?
2. DAVID- First Impression Rose. His smile is too goofy, but he'll last for a while.
3. ED- My future husband. I mean Jillian's.
4. WES- His Southern accent and guitar don't cover up the fact that he is super
boring. But he did factor heavily into the previews, and previews never lie. . .

Tonight's Bachelorette Drinking Game:
Misuse of the word "surreal"
Mention of Jason
Phrases "heart on the line" or "all on the line"

**UPDATE 06/30** Three of my Real Contenders have made it to the Final Four! Kiptyn, Ed (despite leaving the show for a couple weeks) and Wes (despite being an a**hole) are going to Spain with Jillian on next Monday's episode.