When I was 14 and weighed 297 pounds, I had a recurring dream. I dreamed that a fairy godmother gave me three wishes. One of my wishes was to weigh 180 pounds. Day and night, my excess weight troubled me.
I'm now 17, and I've weighed 145 pounds for the past two years. Getting and staying fit has been tough, but it's easier than a lifetime of obesity.
My life did a 180 when I lost 150 pounds. Now every day is filled with amazing opportunities. Not long ago, I carried the torch for the 2010 Winter Olympics. I was selected in a national contest as one of 10 teens who exemplify positive living. I can't say it was a dream-come-true because, when I was obese, I never dreamed that big. All I could think of was getting rid of the excess weight.
Carrying 150 excess pounds was difficult. But I also carried some oversized emotional and physical worries--things my family never imagined. They were too close to notice, and I was too embarrassed to share my feelings or ask for help.
My family is loving and supportive, and they would have done anything to help me. But incredibly, they didn't think of me as obese. I was just Taylor--upbeat, opinionated, optimistic. If they'd known what I was experiencing as a grossly overweight teen, they would have helped me get fit.
Why didn't my family realize I was obese? Because a chunky kid can turn into an obese teen so gradually that the people closest to them don't notice.
You may not see your own child as obese. But check the charts. If the calculations say "overweight" or "obese," your child probably feels a lot like I felt. And looking back, I wish I'd told my family:
•"I'm scared." I was terrified of weight-related diseases. I knew overweight kids could have heart disease, high cholesterol, and type 2 diabetes.
•"The teasing hurts." I laughed along with the kids who teased me, but years later, I still remember every hurtful word.
•"I don't fit in." My weight placed a huge barrier between me and my thin peers. The more isolated I felt, the more I turned to food for comfort. And the more I turned to food, the bigger and more isolated I became.
•"I want to be thin." I acted as if my weight didn't bother me, but I promise you, it did.
•"I blame myself." I didn't blame my family for my extra pounds. I felt wholly and miserably responsible.
•"It's hopeless." When I thought about how much weight I needed to lose, it seemed useless even to try.
•"Please, please talk, but I may not listen." I was terrified and knew I needed help. I was also self-conscious and embarrassed. But I would have listened--eventually--if my family had approached me about my weight.
I was terrified and discouraged, and I dreamed of being healthy. Ultimately, I realized that I didn't need a fairy godmother to make my dream come true. It was up to me.
For a long time, I blamed the fat gene. I blamed our family's fast-food lifestyle. I blamed my techie hobbies. My turning point was when I stopped blaming circumstances and took responsibility for my own fitness. I believe that taking responsibility is the key to getting fit, and that puts parents in a difficult situation.
As a parent, you know that excess weight creates serious health and social obstacles for your child. You want to help, but you realize the motivation has to come from your child. That's a big barrier, but it's not an impossible one. You can do several things to encourage your child to take charge of fitness:
1.Show and tell them: "You're amazingly amazing." Don't take it for granted that your child knows you love them just the way they are. Tell them they're super cool. Funny. Smart. One of a kind. How much they weigh has nothing to do with how much you love them. My family did that, and it's a major reason I've been successful in getting and staying fit. I know I deserve to be thin.
2.Proceed with caution, but proceed. You're pointing out something painful and sensitive, so don't be surprised if your child backs away. There's no easy way to approach fitness without making your child feel singled out and threatened, but approach it anyway.
3.Never give up. Don't threaten, embarrass, or criticize your child. Approach the weight issue a little at a time, but remember that obesity is a health problem that needs to be addressed.
4.Don't alert the media. Some people say that if you plan to get fit, tell your friends and you're more likely to stick with the program. That may work for adults, but obese kids think differently. They may prefer to experience a little success before announcing what they're doing. Let your child take the lead.
5.Let them build the house. You can supply the tools--books, websites, health discussions--but the best plan will be the one they develop themselves.
6.Let them pick vegetables. Take your child with you to the grocery. Let them choose one each of several fruits and vegetables that they're willing to try.
7.Make sweating fun. Exercise doesn't have to be running on a treadmill. It can be baseball, hip hop dancing, or bicycling.
8.Skip the scale. Instead, focus on lifestyle habits like packing healthy lunches for a month or exercising 30 minutes a day for two weeks.
9.Use non-food rewards. Reward your child for reaching fitness goals by letting them have a friend spend the night or stay up an hour later on Friday night.
10.Set the example. Get the whole family involved in an active, healthy lifestyle. Even thin family members need strong bones and a healthy heart.
I share my fitness plan, along with lots of motivational tips, in my new book, Cutting Myself in Half: 150 Pounds Lost, One Byte at a Time. My plan includes the Ultimate Fitness Game, a high-adrenalin game based on videogame strategies. I call it the Ultimate Fitness Game because the prize is a brand new lifestyle.