It's All in Your Head: Who's Your Internal Director?

06/19/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

At a very young age, I came to realize that there are people in the world who will work against me and that I don't need to be one of them, working against myself. This knowing led me to believe that one of the most important relationships you will ever have in this life is the relationship you have with yourself. My hunch is that most people spend more time thinking about their hair than they do on building a healthy relationship with their internal self.

Everything comes from inside of you. Every thought you think, every feeling you have, and every experience that comes into your life is generated by you. Your level of happiness and well-being is solely dependent on you. You will be how happy and well you think you are.

If you want to feel good, it is crucial that you understand powerful connection between thought, feeling, and outcome.

Where do you live? Where do we all live?

We live inside of our heads; our mind is the filter through which we process everything that takes place in our lives. I encourage you to take a moment to ponder this sentence; your mind is the filter through which you process everything that takes place in your life.

That's heavy, right?

Every thought, every feeling, every experience and every emotion gets run through the filter of your mind. The average human thinks over 12 thousand thoughts per day, which breaks down to 500 thoughts per minute. And for many people, that internal voice that it your constant companion can also be your worst enemy, bombarding you with negative fear filled messages and limiting beliefs.

Philosophers to therapists, religious theorists to 12-step programs have all devised tangible ways to understand exactly what that talking voice is inside our heads. Ids, egos, first-self, second-me, your guardian angel, the devil, the committee inside your brain and so forth -- we could spend forever going over and debating the issue, so I just want to break it down to the simplest of terms and start by asking you these questions:

1. Who is directing your life story?

2. When you talk to yourself, what are you saying?

3. Are you acting or reacting to these thoughts?

An easy way to think about it is via what most of us know: the world of movies. If the film is helmed by a great director, all the players feel safe and protected and give the best performances. When Steven Spielberg is in charge, you know you will get a great result.

When you step up and become your own A-list director, you will develop positive self-esteem, refuse to call yourself names, no longer put up with putdowns or hold onto limiting beliefs. A person with a great director is lead in a positive way: holds themselves in high regard, genuinely loves her/himself in a healthy way that is motivating, giving the courage needed to succeed.

Of course, this person will experience fear and doubt, but the fear and doubt is not in control. The director will be motivational and supportive in a way that allows space and forgiveness for human fear and the ability to go forward in spite of it. This person believes that there is success in every action. The only failure for this person is inaction.

If your director isn't an A-lister then give him a pink slip and hire a new one! With awareness + consistency you can re-program the neurological pathways in your mind. From this moment on, refuse to speak down to yourself, treat yourself with the same kindness, dignity and respect that you would give to a person you love.

Old Model: My director (mind) runs free, thinking and saying whatever it wants.
New Model: I am in control of my thoughts and I refuse to believe thoughts that are negative or limiting.

When you've hired the right director, you will be able to turn out award winning performances scene after scene!