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Terrance Dean Headshot

Open Your Heart

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Remember when you first fell in love with him -- your ex-husband? He made your heart go
pitter-patter. The sight of him made you swoon. You would say and do silly things. You
couldn't wait to see him and once he was around you couldn't wait to touch him, hold him, and wrap your arms around him with all your might. Yes, those were the days when
you were happily married.

Now you're divorced. The love you thought would last forever is now a love lost. Your
heart is broken. You now know what it is to experience the pain of someone leaving
you, someone taking you for granted, or someone being emotionally unavailable. You're
afraid to date because you fear another unhappy ending. You've grown tired and hopeless
convincing yourself that Mr. Right is not going to show up, and quite frankly the pickings
are getting slim.

Well, Ms. Diva, I am here to tell you that it's time to let go of that sad song and rhetoric.
It doesn't serve you or empower you. Oh, trust me, I've heard many single, and divorced
women say things like, "I am never going to find a good man." Or, "I am not going to
let my guard down because someone will take advantage of me." And, the best line of
all, "Men can't be trusted."

In order for you to move on, start anew, and fresh, honey, you've got to start with loving
yourself, and that requires an open heart. No more putting yourself down. No more
hating your ex because of what he didn't do, or did to you. Let it go, and let him go! You
deserve greatness. You deserve to be your fabulous self, and you certainly deserve the
ability to start anew, and trust me, there is an abundant amount of love available for you.
Yes, girl, there is!

When you hold on to negative energy and negative thoughts, you unconsciously sabotage
yourself from receiving new love in your life. You prevent yourself in recognizing when
love shows up, and when it's staring you right in your face.

Darling, that negative energy will have you convinced it's a safe ground to stand on.
Being divorced doesn't mean you can't have love. It doesn't mean you're unlovable,
and that all the love you had is gone. No, sweetie. There is plenty of it available and all
you have to do is open up your heart. Know that you deserve, and can have a committed,
loving, and trusting relationship. And, it first starts with you. Love you, and I mean the
total package of you. Love your thighs, hair, nose, eyes, fee, butt, breasts, and even your
stomach. Honey, love you graciously and mercifully. Love you completely and totally.

You see, Diva, when you open your heart, you will realize that love does exist. You will
realize that you are love. No longer give way to your past. It's over. It happened, and
it's done. You have to start living for the new future of the unknown. And, it requires a
clear, new, and clean path. Clear and free of pain, hurt, and anger. Forgive yourself and
your ex. Yes, him too. Holding on to the pain and anger toward him will only prevent you
in moving forward. So, forgive your past relationship and thank them for the wonderful
experience, be it good or bad.

So, my beautiful and fabulous, Diva, today is the day you will start telling yourself each
morning, afternoon, and evening how much you love yourself, no matter what you feel
and others think of you. And when you do this each day, you will find an unrelenting,
unselfish, and unyielding love that is ready to engulf and shower with all the beauty you
can stand. No matter what, know that you are love. You can have love. You can receive
love. And, you can be with love because you have opened up your heart.

**Terrance Dean is the author of the new advice book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY
BEST FRIEND -- The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A
Fabulous Life! (Agate/Bolden -- October 2010; $15). Visit: