07/15/2012 09:50 am ET | Updated Sep 14, 2012

11 Fearless Questions To Ask BEFORE You Look For Love

Becoming fearless in love requires attracting the right relationship into your life. In this two-part series, I will first speak to how to FEARLESSLY attract healthy love, and next week, we will explore how to FEARLESSLY protect and nourish love once it finds you.

Why does finding love seem simple for some and impossible for others? Is love only for the lucky? Is it really about being in the right place at the right time, or is there something more to it?

Actually, there is plenty more to it. How we view romantic love and our own lovability has everything to do with what we learned growing up. Every family has their own cultural norms around love and marriage. I call these belief systems "downloaded blueprints." Someone else designed them, perhaps generations ago, and they have been systematically reinforced for years, becoming your reality.

In order to understand the effect your downloaded LOVE blueprint is having on your romantic life, you must become conscious of the limiting beliefs your blueprint contains.

Take A Love Assessment
Below is a list of questions whose answers will illuminate your relationship patterns, self-regard, and limiting beliefs about love. It is only possible to redraw the blueprint once you know what the original looks like.

• What was your family culture about love and marriage?
• Were your parents divorced?
• Who had the "power" in the relationship?
• As a child, did you feel loved and valued?
• How did your parents regard each other?
• What experiences from your own past romantic relationships impact your current blueprint?
• Was there verbal and/or physical affection in your home?
• Was there verbal and/or physical violence in your home?
• How many people in your family have good marriages?
• Was marriage held in high esteem in your childhood home?
• Were people free to express their feelings?

Allow yourself to take the time and space to think back to the way it was. By accessing the real memories, you will find that the blueprint you have been rocking will come into sharp focus. Once you have a clearer vision of your limiting beliefs, you can start to draw up a newly remodeled blueprint.

Create A Vibration Of Love

Journal the kind of love you want to draw into your life. Include in your journal entry how you would like the relationship to be and how you want to feel. Take time to read what you wrote and feel the feelings of having that experience.

In order to draw the love you seek into your life, you MUST be able to visualize and feel the experience. Since we are all made up of energy, when you feel the love you want, your energetic vibration is raised. This higher vibration will draw like-love energy to you. The opposite is also true: If you stay in a place of feeling lack and focus on what you do not have, that vibration will draw more lack. So decide what you want to create and then make decisions in line with that goal.

Unresolved feelings and injuries from childhood impact our romantic pattern of behavior. We either act or talk them out, especially in romantic relationships. If your parents fought frequently or there was violence, you learned that love is painful.

Another important piece of the healthy love puzzle is self-love because it is THE path to true love. Who you draw into you life and how they treat you is influenced by how you treat and regard yourself. If you are your own worst critic or feel unworthy, you will inevitably draw people into your life who will agree with your negative self-assessment. Conversely, if you treat yourself with respect, love, and high regard, others will as well. People look to you to set the example of what you believe is acceptable behavior. Really think about how much you love yourself and how you treat yourself. Pay attention when you talk about yourself both to others and internally. Are you positive or negative? Are you constantly putting yourself down, or are you kind and gentle?

Remember, you reap what you sow!

I hope this inspires you to embrace being the architect of all of your love experiences. It is completely possible to build self-love and awareness that leads to the romantic love that thrills you. You are worth it. You deserve it. Now do the work to create it. As always, I will be cheering you on like a wild maniac!

Share your love (and lust) thoughts and questions below. Let's start an honest dialogue and build the "love" house of our dreams.

Love Love Love,

For more by Terri Cole, click here.

For more on becoming fearless, click here.