Last week, when my birthday rolled around I reflected once again how nice it has been to share the day with one of America's great humorists.
At the time of her death, every print and broadcast outlet in the country ran a tribute to Erma Bombeck, the homemaker from Dayton who one day sat down and began sending out dispatches from the front lines of motherhood. The dispatches grew into a column syndicated to over 900 newspapers, and then into some 15 books, including the hilariously titled The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank.
But, as uniformly fond as these tributes were, as I reread them online now, and many of them read as slightly dismissive, framing her almost as a clever dabbler, or a suburban mom who started writing columns as a lark.
As if any writer doing a thing "as a lark" could produce the tightly-crafted sketches she was known for. As if anyone tossing something off in the odd half hour could describe the child-rearing game the way she did.
She wrote in one column that she once lived in a place so small she had to iron in the baby's playpen.
She wrote in another that if her kids had looked as good as the kids of her perfect neighbor, she would have sold them.
She spoke about the child who could "eat yellow snow; kiss the dog on the lips; chew gum that he found in the ash tray, but wouldn't drink from his brother's glass."
And then there was the column where she imagined how each of her three kids might someday recall her:
Her first-born would think of her as: "The slim dark-haired mom who used to read me stories and paste my baby pictures in the album."
Her second-born would picture: "The somber-looking bleached blonde who used to put me to bed at 6:30, and bought me a dog to save on napkins."
And the baby of the family, she wrote, would remember her as: "The grayish lady who fell asleep during the six o'clock news, and was GOING to display my baby pictures, as soon as she took the rest of the roll -- at my wedding."
She had just that light way of describing time's effect on us all.
But funny as she was, she always told the truth.
She spoke of the feeling that comes to women raising kids in the then-newly fashionable "nuclear family," where a man, a woman and their children went off and lived on their own, sometimes far from all kin.
Her commentary on this new arrangement: "No one talked about it, but everyone knew what it was. It was a condition, and it came with the territory."
She called that condition loneliness.
I learned about this loneliness when I left my job teaching to care for my own small children.
In their baby years, I would stuff them into coats and snowsuits and push, or walk or carry them -- somewhere -- anywhere I might find another woman in another house trying to do the hardest job on earth all by herself.
But, when those babies napped?
When they napped, I'd kick the toys under the couch and begin to read and read, looking for something I could not name -- until one day in my daily paper, I met the writer who would show me what I most wanted to do in life.
Erma wrote a column every week for 32 years.
By now, I have been writing one for 35 years -- and with every passing birthday, I think what a privilege it has been to follow in her footsteps, recording real life and celebrating its vicissitudes.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.