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The Frenemy

The Frenemy

Posted: September 25, 2010 09:48 AM

I was a kid once. Before I spent my Saturday mornings sleeping off a hangover, I used to play polygamist compound in my Ghostbusters house (I have an older brother) and there flourished six Barbies, one Ken, and a very confused Kelly doll. I also had a Little Mermaid Doll who inaccurately had feet and dated Scorpio from GI Joe. I was a happy child.

However, having wandered into the Target toy aisle earlier, I realized that the lady girls of today have (a) way more toy options than I had and (b) immensely more f***ed up toy options than I had. From Edward Cullen Glitter Xtravangza to Polly Pockets you can't choke on and die from, I've compiled a list of toys to keep any precious little baby girl away from.

For more from The Frenemy, go here! - Alida Nugent

The overly needy baby doll that burdens a child with enormous responsibility
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Oh, you’re a kid?! Well, you better buck up, little girl! Put the Dunkaroos down and start doing a little thing called grappling with responsibility! See this baby right here?! Yeah, well she’s YOURS! Do you understand me? If you do not feed, love, and nurture this bundle of joy, she’s flying straight to the nursery in the sky on your conscience! I don’t care if you’re four and don’t know what death is! If you cause the demise of this precious miracle from God you will go to JAIL. Jail is the place where Santa Claus gets shanked with creative knives and you have NO mommy. Here’s a medical kit. This kid’s got a ruptured spleen and he’s bleeding out fast. If you don’t take care of him, he’s toast and you can kiss your ice cream goodbye! Merry Christmas.
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