The divorce settlement between Mel Gibson and his wife has reached historic proportions. In addition to receiving close to $500 million, Robyn Gibson is now fighting for the right to keep half of the 42 Jews that the couple acquired during their 28 year marriage.
This new information was revealed when the famliy's lawyer, Lynn Soodik, read over the couple's claims.
"At first, I thought it was a typo that was meant to read 'Gibson Family Jewels'," said Soodik. "Upon closer inspection, I remembered that Mel was a crazed bigot."
Most of the Gibson family Jews were kidnapped during the height of Mel's prestigious film career, and friends say the actor valued them as much as the awards.
"In retrospect, Mel did refer to his 'family Jew-els' fairly often," recalled Soodik. "Given his love of puns and hatred of Jews, I should have put that together."
At the time of their 1980 marriage, Mel had no inkling as to how large his estate would eventually grow, and never thought to ask his wife to sign a prenuptial agreement.
"If I could go back in time, obviously I would have her sign a pre-nup," said Gibson while packing up the white sheets that he and his estranged wife wore weekly. "That said, if I could go back in time I probably would save Jesus, who would be so grateful that we'd go joyriding in my time machine. Then we'd go all 'Mad Max' on all the Jews trying to kill him. I think that's obvious."
Given the size of the Gibson estate, most expect the divorce settlement to drag on for months. Soodik, believes it will wrap up quickly:
"I say it lasts a week. It won't be messy because there's plenty of money and Jews to go around."
-Dan Abramson, thehollywoodham.com