Lonely Mom Seeks Friends

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I quit my job to be a SAHM last year when my daughter was born. She's 16-months-old now and I'm still having a hard time meeting other moms and making friends. I'm a introvert and it's hard for me to make the first move. I'm very shy until I get to know someone.

We moved to our neighborhood three years ago and I met two other moms who seemed really nice at first and then they started snubbing me once we put up a fence. I befriended them on Facebook and invited them over but they never invite me. I gave them my number and they never gave me theirs. I still see them getting together outside with their kids and it pains me because I'm so lonely. What the hell did I do to these people to make them hate me?

My husband works full-time and takes night classes. He has to study on the weekends so I'm starting to go nutty. I joined a playgroup but all the moms that actually go to the functions are already friends with each other and they seem snooty if you're not in their circle. I'm thinking about going back to work just to have a social life but I recently found out I'm pregnant again. No one will hire a pregnant woman. Any advice on what I should do?

Signed,

Shy Shannon

__________________________________

Dear Shy Shannon,

Being a mom of young children can be one of the loneliest feelings in the word. Because young kids are super adorable but when you turn to a 16-month-old and say, "Damn, I have a headache from that extra glass of Chardonnay last night. I'm worried that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore might be splitting up. And also, I've been meaning to ask -- are you supposed to still be sucking on that pacifier?" -- the toddler rarely answers.

Mothers need wing women. Someone to assure you that it is perfectly normal to bring your kid to the playground and forget his shoes. And your own shoes.

I don't know what's going on with those gals next door. It sounds like you have reached out as much as you can and for whatever reason they are not reciprocating. You've spent too much energy on those ladies. It's time to take action elsewhere.

First of all, I would sign your kid up for a couple music or gym classes. Your 16-month-old will love it and it's a great way to connect with other moms. Next, start your own playgroup. You think you're the only desperate, lonely mom out there? You aren't. You just have to find them. Put notices up on community bulletin boards and Craigslist. Just write, "Local mom starting a playgroup for kids 1 to 2 years old. Email me at Shannon@I'mAwesomeAndCool.com if you're interested." I'm just guessing that's your email address.

Once you have a group of moms, just plan a playgroup every week at someone's house. I promise this works because that is actually how I made all my mom friends when I first had a baby. I'm still friends with these women seven years later.

I would also make sure you connect with other moms online so you don't feel so alone while you develop IRL friendships. And finally, I would make sure to watch Gossip Girl every week because I consider Serena and Blair to be some of my closest friends.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Signed,

Kelcey, TMH

 

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Comments

[Jason Ungar]

12:57 AM on 06/26/2012

Try being a stay at home dad! I have been doing it 4 1/2 years now with two little ones. My advice to you is to get over it. You don't need a wingwomen or anything. Spend the time with your kid, have fun and be happy with yourself. If you are sad or depressed that you don't have friends then you need to re evaluate why you became a mom. Soon enough you will be forced to be friends with the moms/dads your kids are friends with and you may wish at that point to be just left alone!! :)

[VirgDavis]

11:14 PM on 06/22/2012

Shannon, you should also try meetup.com, they have some groups for parents and my experience is that they're very welcoming. I joined an Attachment Parenting one and everyone was very nice and they had outings several times a week. Hang in there!

[BaCooper]

04:20 AM on 06/21/2012

Shannon, Let me tell you, you are not alone. I consider myself to be an outgoing, intellegent and interesting person who never had trouble making friends before I became a SAHM. I had to quit working when I was pregnant the first time around. The isolation was so depressing!
When my daughter was born, I went along to the new mums' group in our area and I started to discover how insular suburban mums are and found the same thing about the clickiness in other circles.
We were fortunate enough to have a year where we lived in a great remote community where everyone got on, the mums were friends but then we came back to the 'burbs. I came back to the isolation, my kids to loneliness of not having a network of little mates.
We're moving again shortly to a more country-style town becasue of my husband's job. I'm hopeful that I can get involved in the community and my kids' activities again as I was when we lived in a remote community.
Put a post in the local parents' paper about a new mums/playgroup. Do take you 16 mo to a class as the regularity and social interaction is good for both of you. Also, be careful of how you are feeling - it'd be easy to become depressed.
Everyone needs at least one good friend to download to and laugh with. I wish you and your growing family well in your efforts to make friends.

[akimball79]

10:42 PM on 06/20/2012

This was very helpful for me to read. We moved to a new state last year...total relocation...and I now have two young boys and no friends. I am an extrovert and generally friendly...so I have become pretty depressed and insane being so disconnected. People where we are now are MORE reserved much of the time than in our last location and we're a pretty liberal-fringy family...so it's really hard. It's all in the "try try again" I think.