People often say to us, "You two are so wonderful and fabulous together. What is the secret of your superb relationship?"
We're not surprised that they ask. It is well known, among our close friends, casual acquaintances, and certain strangers we pass on the street or encounter in restaurants, that it's fun to be us. We take great pleasure in enjoying ourselves and each other, and it shows.
Naturally, then, people ask. But when they do, we demur. "We demur," we say. Then one of us might very well say to the other, "Darling? Is this the proper use of 'demur'?" And we'll laugh and laugh, vastly amused at the idea that either of us could ever mis-use a word.
(We still chuckle at the time we wrote a tart letter to the editor of the New York Times in which we used the phrase, "Those data are simply wrong." Then one of us--we can never remember which of us is which, so close is our bond--said, "Don't we mean 'that data'?" There was a moment of panic when we both thought we were in error. But a quick trip to one of our usage references reminded us that, as usual, we were correct.)
Still, if people insist, and if we're in a good mood (which we always are), we tell them that our secret is simple. "Our 'secret,' if that's what you insist on calling it," we generously explain, "Lies in our sublime mutual chemistry, which no two other people on earth can hope to duplicate."
If they should ask for more, one of us grows poetical and the other, philosophical, or vice-versa. "Like the Tao," we say, "Our 'secret' cannot be talked about, but only followed. Like Zen, he who knows does not say, and he who says, does not know. We do not say what we don't talk about, and we don't remember what we don't know."
This is usually enough to satisfy the most ardent questioner. Then whomever we have granted our little bit of wisdom will thank us and walk away newly inspired--to keep looking, to keep hoping, to find that certain irreplaceable someone with whom they can create a relationship on a par with ours. Of course they can't. No one can. But we don't say a word. Why should we? We begrudge others nothing and are perfectly content with our own perfect relationship--because it's fun to be us.