Every parent knows that their kids don't come with instruction manuals. Otherwise, babies would be a piece of cake, right?
But did you ever notice that as kids get older, they seem to all exhibit very similar actions? You'll be talking to your friend about the horrible things Timmy did to the cat yesterday and all of a sudden your friend will chime in saying her son did the same exact thing!
It's almost as if kids communicate with each other. Or have a special book of their own.
I did some investigative digging and was shocked, shocked I tell you, to uncover an entire hidden curriculum out there. We always say kids are smarter than we realize. Well, apparently they're even smarter than we realized we realized.
What did I find? Only a hidden set of rules that all kids follow. In the efforts to help shed some light on this situation, I now present to you The 10 Commandments of Being a Kid:
1. Thou Shalt Always Interrupt Mom on the Phone. If mommy is on the phone, drop whatever you are doing, race over to her, and loudly interrupt her with the least important thing you can possibly think of.
2. Thou Shalt Not Pee. Even if your bladder feels like it's about to burst, hold it in. Keep telling mommy that you don't have to go. Once you're in the car and on the highway, then and only then can you admit you have to go.
3. Thou Shalt Fight Off Germs ... Until Thy Parents Go Out. If you're going to get sick, be sure to time it perfectly. Wait until your parents are about to go out for the evening and then start coughing or running a fever.
4. Honor Thy Box, Not Thy Toy. There's plenty of time to play with toys. You're a kid. But to really have fun, start playing with the box that the toy came in.
5. Thou Shalt Not Keep Secrets. When you hear your parents say, "Do not tell so-and-so but ...," that's your cue to take notes and be sure to tell everyone what your parents were saying about them. And for bonus points, do it at a big family gathering.
6. Thou Shalt Eat off the Floor. Food is good. Food is extra good after it's been thrown on the floor, picked up, and then eaten.
7. Thou Shalt Embrace Change. A free mind is a wonderful thing. So change it often. Loved mom's lasagna last week? Be sure to hate it this week. Have a blast playing miniature golf? Next time you visit Putt Putt Palace, be sure to have a complete meltdown.
8. Thou Shalt Dig for Gold Like There Is No Tomorrow. You have a nose for a reason. So anytime you have a free moment, shove that finger up there and see what you can find. The best time for spelunking is during school pictures.
9. Thou Shalt Fill Thine Belly With Sweets. When you're eating dinner, be sure to leave a lot of room for dessert. The best way is to eat less than half of what's on your plate, then grab your stomach and say you're full. Follow that up immediately by asking, "Can I have dessert now?"
10. Thou Shalt Not Waste Thy Weekend. With no school on Saturday and Sunday, weekends were totally made for kids. So don't miss a precious second. Get up as super early as you can and enjoy the day. Be as loud as you can too to let everyone know how much you love weekends! As for sleep, don't worry, you'll catch up during the week.
What commandments do your kids always seem to follow?
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