A 4th of July Wish

If we had one wish for the 4th of July, it would be that out on The Mall in Washington DC, the statues of Abraham Lincoln and Thomas Jefferson would slowly creak to life. Creak to life, almost imperceptibly at first, the way statues do in those Ray Harryhausen movies.

Then, with leisured dignity, the statues of Lincoln and Jefferson would walk down from their memorials...and (assuming of course, that the statue of Jefferson could be pulled off the statue of Mary McLeod Bethune and, for readers of C.A. Tripp, Lincoln pulled off Jefferson) go on a rampage of retribution and vengeance.

They would run amok on K Street; grinding the bones of tobacco, insurance, pharmaceutical, chemical and all other lobbyists in the city into a gelatinous mass of sludge.

They would take turns kicking the headquarters of the NRA, the AARP, AIPAC, and every special interest group to rubble.

They would find Billy Tauzin cowering under his desk at PhRMA, and eat him. Along with every other congressman turned corporate shill.

They would break the tip off the Washington Monument, and use it like trash collectors to spear every corrupt politician, duplicitous think-tanker, lap dog journalist, vile consultant and point missing pollster in the Beltway.

Just for the hell of it, they would each take an arm of Doug Feith and pull.

And then, the man who defined our Republic and the man who saved it would return to their poses atop a pedestal and a curule chair.

Having given us one last chance to do what’s best for all the people, not just the ones with money.

Or...if we can't have that, a couple of buffalo burgers grilled to juicy perfection and washed down with a frosty Yuengling Lager...Happy 4th!