Today I have the pleasure of interviewing Douglas Eby, M.A./Psychology, who is a writer and researcher on the psychology of creative expression, high ability and personal growth. He is creator of the Talent Development Resources series of sites, including HighlySensitive.org at TalentDevelop.com. I know many of you are "highly sensitive" and enjoy articles on that topic, so I am excited to pique his highly sensitive brain today!
Question: If you had to name the top five gifts of being highly sensitive, what would they be?
Douglas:
1. Sensory detail
One of the prominent "virtues" of high sensitivity is the richness of sensory detail that life provides. The subtle shades of texture in clothing, and foods when cooking, the sounds of music or even traffic or people talking, fragrances and colors of nature. All of these may be more intense for highly sensitive people.
Of course, people are not simply "sensitive" or "not sensitive" -- like other qualities and traits, it's a matter of degree.
Years ago, I took a color discrimination test to work as a photographic technician, making color prints. The manager said I'd scored better, with more subtle distinctions between hues in the test charts, than anyone he had evaluated.
That kind of response to color makes visual experience rich and exciting, and can help visual artists and designers be even more excellent.
2. Nuances in meaning
The trait of high sensitivity also includes a strong tendency to be aware of nuances in meaning, and to be more cautious about taking action, and to more carefully consider options and possible outcomes.
3. Emotional awareness
We also tend to be more aware of our inner emotional states, which can make for richer and more profound creative work as writers, musicians, actors or other artists.
A greater response to pain, discomfort, and physical experience can mean sensitive people have the potential, at least, to take better care of their health.
4. Creativity
Psychologist Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, estimates about twenty percent of people are highly sensitive, and 70 percent of those are introverted, which is a trait that can also encourage creativity.
As examples, there are many actors who say they are shy, and director Kathryn Bigelow, who recently won an Academy Award, has said, "I'm kind of very shy by nature." The star of her movie The Hurt Locker, Jeremy Renner (who was reportedly shy as a child) has commented that "in social situations she can be painfully shy."
5. Greater empathy
High sensitivity to other people's emotions can be a powerful asset for teachers, managers, therapists and others.
Question: And, if you had to name five curses, what would they be? And how best do we overcome them or co-exist with them?
Douglas:
1. Easily overwhelmed, overstimulated
The biggest challenge in high sensitivity is probably being vulnerable to sensory or emotional overwhelm. Taking in and processing so much information from both inner and outer worlds can be "too much" at times and result in more pain, fatigue, stress, anxiety and other reactions.
An intriguing neuroscience research study I came across that may explain some of this said people with nervous systems having decreased latent inhibition are more open to incoming stimuli. Which can be a good thing, or not so good.
Actor Amy Brenneman once commented, "I'm too sensitive to watch most of the reality shows. It's so painful for me."
That kind of pain or discomfort can mean we don't choose to experience some things that might actually be fun or enriching. Though I don't mean reality shows.
2. Affected by emotions of others
Another aspect of sensitivity can be reacting to the emotions - and perhaps thoughts - of others. Being in the vicinity of angry people, for example, can be more distressing.
As actor Scarlett Johansson once put it, "Sometimes that awareness is good, and sometimes I wish I wasn't so sensitive."
3. Need lots of space and time to ourselves
We may need to "retreat" and emotionally "refresh" ourselves at times that are not always best for our goals or personal growth. For example, being at a professional development conference, it may not be the most helpful thing to leave a long presentation or workshop in order to recuperate from the emotional intensity of the crowd.
4. Unhealthy perfectionism
There can also be qualities of thinking or analyzing that lead to unhealthy perfectionism, or stressful responses to objects, people or situations that are "too much" or "wrong" for our sensitivities.
5. Living out of sync with our culture
Living in a culture that devalues sensitivity and introversion as much as the U.S. means there are many pressures to be "normal" -- meaning extroverted, sociable and outgoing.
Dr. Ted Zeff, author of The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide, points out that other cultures, such as Thailand, have different attitudes, with a strong appreciation of sensitive or introverted people.
Jenna Avery, a "life coach for sensitive souls," counsels people to accept or even pursue being "out of sync" with mainstream society, and be aware of other's judgments of people as too sensitive, too emotional, or too dramatic.
And if we are sensitive, we may use those kinds of judgments against ourselves, and think, as Winona Ryder said she did at one time, "Maybe I'm too sensitive for this world."
Certainly there are extremes of emotions that are considered mood disorders, for example, and should be dealt with as a health challenge.
But "too emotional" or "too sensitive" are usually criticisms based on majority behavior and standards.
Overall, I think being highly sensitive is a trait we can embrace and use to be more creative and aware. But it demands taking care to live strategically, even outside popular values, to avoid overwhelm so we can better nurture our abilities and creative talents.
Originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com. To read more of Therese, visit her blog, Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com, or subscribe here. You may also find her at www.thereseborchard.com.
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Also, I think my sensitivity twrds others emotions, also work with my intuition. Sometimes, it feels like I can feel someone's energy, which is why I don't often like touching people, or being touched unless necessary. I remember congratulating someone on an art exhibit they had done. I put my hand on arm and told him goodluck. that night I had a dream about him. This always happens to me. I could never have come in contact with someone, but the minute i touch them, I have a dream about them that night.
http://highlysensitive.org/77/
If your not crazy, catering to the less sensitive can surely drive you in that direction. Perhaps we feel that less sensitive people can be high maintenance. Draining.
I found this quote a little while ago and I felt it explained the Highly Sensitive pretty well.
“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To them…a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death.” Pearl Buck
Love the Pearl Buck quote, along with the notion that it is the insensitive folks who are high maintenance.
Seems like those less sensitive are quick to point out whats wrong with everyone else but I think they have the problem.
I still can't watch violent TV programs or movies. And when my personal life gets dramatic, I suffer terribly. But I enjoy the benefits of sensitivity so much that I wouldn't trade the condition for the world.
Meditation has been very helpful in quieting sensory overload.
Over the years this has surfaced more and more in to everything outside of me as well. It has also become increasingly clear what to avoid, walk away from, or turn off. When you say you still can't watch violent TV and movies, I wonder if you think you 'should' as if this would make you grown up. I had to grow into understanding what violence was doing inside, you already knew. So much I can not watch anymore, I always mute violence when it comes up, as well as arguing. Few seem to see arguing as violence but it hits me in just the same way. I think you probably experience this as well.
Please be good to yourself. This world needs you. You are ahead of your time and are the needs of today. I am encouraged that you see the benefits here and hope you wear your sensitivity as a quiet blessing always!
I keep myself from becoming overwhelmed by limiting my exposure to negative people or overbearing characters that sap others energy. I have a tendency to take on the mood of the room or the people I'm with so it affects me deeply if someone is toxic. It leaves me angry inside without a reason. So I've learned to avoid those types.
I surround myself with peaceful balanced people that help bring out those same characteristics in me. I care deeply about many things that others don't give another thought to such as how I can personally help improve the world, etc.
I never thought of it as belonging to a certain group. I always thought I was alone and different. I'm smiling at the knowledge that I have emotional siblings.
(-: ...sorry I couldn't resist.
I am happy you found this article and have some new e-siblings. I appreciate you and the others who have shared here. I learn so much. Never really thought that much about sensitive people also carrying the burden of feeling so alone, just felt their hurt.
Things you can do before entering a situation that may involve, anger, negetivity, or the projection of blame or guilt.
1; Ground yourself. Sit for a moment until you picture a cord, beam of light, or what ever you wish that connects from the base of your spine to deep in the center of the earth.
2; Picture a clear bubble around you that you can operate from but not allow others to penetrate. Much emotional absorbtion from others comes from being too open to them. Being so open is not a requirement to being a good person.
3; Take a moment to ask Mother Nature or Holy Spirit or whatever you relate to as the sum of all Love for a peaceful outcome. This always works because you have just become willing to disengage your ego. For conflict to build two ego's are required.
4; Meditate about 20-30 minuets twice a day.and then take two green placebos just before bedtime ...sorry, (again) I didn't write that one, really! Sometimes my keyboard becomes a Ouija board.
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well, tell me what you think?
This is both a blessing and a curse.
I could say more, but I'm overwhelmed.
(lol)
1) easily offended, a simple joke can always create so much tension.
2) in contrive meaning from nothing (that's the creative stuff kicking in)
3)prone to take up idiotic causes that no one cares or ever will care about.
4) and my favorite, to let your life be ruled by the un-medicated mentally ill.
It's OK to be sensitive. I'll make REASONABLE accommodations for your sensitivities. But I'm not going to bend over backwards or walk on eggshells to avoid offending anyone. So being OVERLY sensitive is not OK.
BTW, "highly sensitive" sounds a lot like "overly sensitive" to me.
Being highly sensitive is a way perceiving the world through emotion. That is not necessarily equal to being unable to handle life. I know plenty of people who are simply overdramatic and only see things through their point of view. That is not highly sensitive.
Highly sensitive may take on additional characteristics depending on the person but the point is that the person feels things deeply, perceives the world differently, and relates to people differently.
And btw, the fact that it sounds like "over sensitive" to u shows that u also perceive the world through a narrow point of view therefore throwing u into the same selfish category that I was describing before. Ironic that u'd be criticizing the same people with whom u belong.
It is also comforting to know, that I am in company when it comes to being "too sensitive" to everything, everyone, every experience around me....
Society is often uncomfortable with those who are not hard wired, driven by material forces or titles. I have been able to create a career that honors my emotions. When I use my camera as a vehicle to see, it is an organic process, a tool to explore another person and celebrate their beauty. With words, I simply let the Muses guide me. Poetry is my first language, those other tongues a very different thing.
Every heightened soul I have encountered along my own tender path has given me an abundance of love and wealth beyond measure.
Is it easy to be sensitive? Of course not. I simply am and that has always been enough to sustain the gentleness I seek.
I remember praying once in my early 20's, (something I rarely do, but listen/meditate often) to become more sensitive. I always have been so as a male and know the price you pay, and know the benefits are fully worth it. I wish you peace and know it is always within you.
Thank you for the Anais Nin quote earlier! I saved it for my treasure box!
(-:
My love to you, Brother of the Soul.
Have a great day!
Yes, poetry is my passion and my way of moving through the world. Working with children can be a joyous experience. I am guessing that you do it quite well.
- Albert Einstein