Am I Depressed Or Just Deep?

I spent my adolescence and teenage years obsessing about this question: Am I depressed or just deep?  

When I was nine, I figured that I was a young Christian mystic because I related much more to the saints who lived centuries ago than to other nine-year-old girls who had crushes on boys. I couldn't understand how my sisters could waste quarters on a stupid video game when there were starving kids in Cambodia. Hello? Give them to UNICEF! 

Now I look back with tenderness to the hurting girl I was and wished somebody had been able to recognize that I was very depressed.

Not that I would have accepted the help. I believed, along with all the other adults in my life, that my melancholy and sensitivity were part of my "special" make-up, that they were gifts to celebrate, not neuroses to treat. And should I take meds that helped me laugh and play and design cool barrettes like the other girls, well, then I would lose my depth.

On the PBS website "This Emotional Life"--a multi-platform project centered on a three-part series documentary to be broadcast in early 2010 hosted by Harvard psychologist and bestselling author Daniel Gilbert--psychologist Paula Bloom discusses the topic of being deep versus being depressed. On her blog post "Am I Depressed or Just Deep?," she writes:

 

Sometimes, people confuse being depressed with being philosophical. If I had a dollar (well, maybe $2) for every time I hear "I am not depressed, I am just realistic", "Anyone who isn't depressed isn't paying attention", or "Life has no meaning and I am going to die, how can I be happy?" I could likely support a hardcore latte habit. Depression can have such an effect on your worldview. 

There are a few basic existential realities we all confront: mortality, aloneness and meaninglessness. Most people are aware of these things. A friend dies suddenly, a coworker commits suicide or some planes fly into tall buildings-these events shake most of us up and remind of us of the basic realities. We deal, we grieve, we hold our kids tighter, remind ourselves that life is short and therefore to be enjoyed, and then we move on. Persistently not being able to put the existential realities aside to live and enjoy life, engage those around us or take care of ourselves just might be a sign of depression.

 

We all get sad sometimes, struggle to fall asleep, lose our appetite or have a hard time focusing. Does this mean we are depressed? Not necessarily. So how do you know the difference? The answer, as with most psychological diagnoses comes down to one word: functioning. How are you sleeping and eating? Are you isolating yourself from others? Have you stopped enjoying the things you used to enjoy? Difficulty focusing and concentrating? Irritable? Tired? Lack of motivation? Do you feel hopeless? Feel excessively guilty or worthless? Experiencing some of these things may be a sign of depression.

Peter Kramer, clinical professor of psychiatry at Brown University, devotes an entire book to this question. He wrote "Against Depression" in response to his frustration of repeatedly being asked the same question: "What if Prozac had been available in van Gogh's time?"

In a New York Times essay, "There's Nothing Deep About Depression," which was adapted from "Against Depression," Kramer writes: 

Comments

[DouglasEby]

Psychiatrist Kay Redfield Jamison has said about having bipolar disorder, "I honestly believe that as a result of it I have felt more things, more deeply; had more experiences, more intensely; loved more, and have been more loved… laughed more often for having cried more often; appreciated more the springs, for all the winters." http://depressionandcreativity.org

[back office drone]

I hear that sort of thing a lot from my friends who struggle with depression. My take on it is that some people just don't feel much unless it's an extreme feeling. Where I might describe a feeling as sublime or contented, someone who is bipolar might say they feel like a zombie or a robot. The description "emotion junky" comes to my mind, but that's probably too simplistic. I'm no psychiatrist, so my opinions come with a grain of salt.

[Cranbot]

You are the only other person I have ever heard say they were depressed at age 9. When I first got into therapy that is the first age I could recognize as being depressed. Throughout the years I have tried relaxation, exercise, behavioral therapy, talk therapy, tough love, pull myself up by my bootstraps, but it wasn't until I took my first anti-depressant at age 30 that I realized how differently I could feel. I have tried going without but within a years time the depression always returns. Chemicals have their place. I choose to stay on them so that my life is not harder than it has to be. At this point I am also trying supplements such as Q10, alpha lypoic acid, fish oil and l-lysine.

[micalee]

I believe the term we are searching for here is "meloncholia," as described in the medieval age. It covered all these things: angst, profundity, depression, philosophy, grasping at universal truths, pondering one's meaning and existence, awareness of mortality... The problem is these days we have TV and Cheetos to ruin all that awesome creative static. Time to go back to quill and parchment and get something done around here...

[mikebarden]

Ah come on. That's a pretty good one!

[olivesforbreakfast]

i'm surprised that no one so far has thrown in the old but durable chestnut that depression is anger turned against yourself, turned inward.

it seems there is a real tight connection between external events in one's life and depression. depression could also be said to be a repressed or frustrated need for justice that builds within when there has been a perceived injustice.

that depression can be triggered or furthered by substance abuse, alcohol, eating junk food, etc., IMO, must be seen from the right perspective; people choose substance, alcohol or food abuse as triggers to amplifying their awareness of this hurting side. in other words, the real pain first exists in a psychological not physical way.

granted, physical triggers can bring on depression even when one feels psychologically ok, but that is not what we're talking about here.

so why not say both are true? it's a dance, an interaction. isn't it safe to say that people who have had healthy parenting and stability as children don't harbor the resentments and cling to the pain that might lead others, who haven't had healthy parenting, into the depths of despair and depression?

[greenlass]

I DON'T think we really CAN say that if a person has all that healthy upbringing, that they will be inured to the illness of Depression.

I speak from experience. The disease has expressed itself in both my maternal and paternal families. And in my family, there are those of us who - with the identical parenting/childhood experiences - have had NO depression, and those of us who have had what we call "The Bad Gene", and have suffered grievously.

People who've never experienced the disease are at a huge disadvantage when it comes to understanding and talking about it. Have you ever been listening to a record or cd, and have it get caught on a skip, where it just keeps playing over and over and over? Imagine if that were your thoughts, and if those thoughts were completely about you being worthless and life being hopeless. That's what Depression is. All the talk therapy about childhood may well yield up valuable insight and wisdom, but it cannot break the biological phenomenon of compulsive rumination and self-loathing. And any shrink who's worth anything will tell you you cannot make any headway with talk therapy or even the very helpful CBT therapy when a person is in a depressive crisis. You need medication/medical intervention (ECT) to break the iron grip of the illness when it is full- blown.

I don't mean to belabor it - I just want to try to direct the discussion away from outdated beliefs.

[Left Right Left Right]

I didn’t realize it was deep or depressed. I am both. I have been for the last 35 years. Oh it’s been a long road. Addiction would be one major feature of the journey. Thank God for recovery. Anyway, I tried a lot of different meds, herbs, you name it. I found what worked for me and for that I am grateful. Nonetheless, I am still deep and I am still depressed. The depression bit can be dangerous. Untreated it will undoubtedly be my undoing. When I say untreated I mean not paying attention to it. Denial would be one way of ignoring it. I’m probably preaching to the choir here. The deep part: well I am an artist. I have to kick myself in the rear to get anything done. But when I get things done my reward is the beauty which is channeled through me manifesting itself in the art which I create by means of the gifts given to me by the universe: like I said – deep. Deep can be a liability inasmuch as it makes relating to other human beings difficult through vast amounts of misunderstanding, impatience and frustration. So I learned the hard way how to keep it simple. I wouldn’t change a thing. I have come to accept myself the way I am. I finally discovered other people accept me the way I am too. We are all mentally ill to a certain degree and frequently wrong.

[lemonyashes]

I'm having trouble deciding whether you are suggesting deep thinkers are depressed. I was once diagnosed with major depression and they just kept prescribing me anti-depressants which I refused to take, I am now depression free because I went back to deep thinking.

[foxisms]

"What good is a candle, if you don't have a dark to stick it in?"

[foxisms]

Depression was and is a natural by product of puberty.
That's why God gave us Simon and Garfunkel, Janis Ian, the Moody Blues and The Doors...so we could get a "maybe I'm not so bad off" perspective, now and again.
In a world of superficiality, being deep is not common. But it doesn't indicate a problem either. And I'm not a newbie. I'm on the side of the hill of life that gravity has an accelerating affect on.
Let the wind blow through you hair and get off on the right side when the ride ends at the bottom!

[athenasword]

Great points. Joni Mitchell is my muscial drug-of-choice for being depressed.

[olivesforbreakfast]

Leonard Cohen's work could be added to this list.

it has sometimes been identified as 'music to commit suicide by'.

but then, the comment makes you laugh so much that who would want to commit suicide after reading it?

[kappa08]

"Sometimes, people confuse being depressed with being philosophical. If I had a dollar (well, maybe $2) for every time I hear "I am not depressed, I am just realistic", "Anyone who isn't depressed isn't paying attention", or "Life has no meaning and I am going to die, how can I be happy?" I could likely support a hardcore latte habit. Depression can have such an effect on your worldview. "
.......so so true. I have another one...he/she has an "old soul".

I have run the gambit on a sensitivity to "see" things in a way that can easily send you down a spiraling path of complete worry. Learning to almost perry these "collisions" in order not to just stop and dwell on the anxious mountain that has little value in climbing. It's only denial if you completely avoid. My spectrum is to when I go "deep" instead of losing my mind because I can't breathe I take a look around to recognize, be calm and gently working my way to the surface for fresh air.

That's why in my opinion you NEVER just pat junior on the head and coach them to ignore the REALITY of their feelings but to feel the drama not unlike the hardest punch you have ever taken knowing what that felt like and to realize you can survive...

[felica devers]

As a someone who has done massive amounts of research on the billion dollar pharmaceutical industry, I can assure you pharma companies DO NOT want to cure you of any ailment. There is no money/profit in a patient no longer needing their medication. Pharma companies spend more money on creating newer variations of their current top-selling drugs so when their patent runs out, they can still hold onto that marketshare. They do not care about making you well, they just want to keep you alive and believing that their drugs are the magic pill. Doctors do not want to cure you either, if they keep prescribing drugs to you, you have to keep returning for office visits ( which aren't free) to receive new prescription refills or to try new medications if the previous drugs you were prescribed didn't work out for you. More money into the pharma companies pockets and more money into the doctors pockets.

[satyamg]

THANK YOU...

I am quiet, emotional, I think the glass is often"half empty", I am responsible, conscientious, I think of long term implications of my actions, I delay gratification, I am analytical, I am emphathtic, I am a worrier, I love philosophy books and read a lot , I am a thinker sort (often accused of thinking too much), I love deeply, I root for the underdog, I struggle with addictive behaviour, I KNOW that what brings me happiness was something that once made me sad and what was once the source of my happiness has often brought me sadness in its wake.....

I am NOT depressed folks...I am just an incredible cool person.........

[foxisms]

One can no more think too much than breath too much.

[lemonyashes]

I always say "thinking" doesn't cost you a penny and it's the one thing that can't be taken from you.

[MochasMom]

No... Thank YOU. That was awesome.

[brooklyncitizen]

What's wrong with loving the Christian mystics?
: )

[maggielee]

A family member of ours became [further] depressed during service in the armed forces. He was admitted into a hospital where he was given the usual chemicals for depression (and anxiety). These affected him very negatively to the point he needed to be re-hospitalized and "dried out." Since he always was a holistic type follower, he was happy to dump the chemicals, but still needed help with depression (he could not work). He turned to both some supplements (co-enzyme Q10 and krill oil) along with the therapeutic grade essential oils "brain power," and "melissa." He also uses "frankincense" and "peppermint" to a somewhat lesser degree. These oils were purchased through YoungLiving (the melissa is expensive, but worth it's weight in gold if it works that is -- I take it -- one drop daily in a clear vegetable capsule -- it's an amazing nerve tonic). The supplements were purchased through Mercola. Anyway, our family member who was in very poor emotional (and physical) shape for months on end, is now working full-time, has lost about 20 pounds, and almost always, even in the morning at 5:30 a.m., has a smile on his beautiful face. Some will say it's happenstance, but I've noticed he never strays far from the bottle ... of "brain power" that is.:) Different things work for different people, but I'd be remiss not to share this story. (And, by the way, he wasn't suffering from light or even medium depression.)

[maggielee]

I forgot to mention, he also has seen and still sees an acupunctur­ist/chirop­ractor/her­bal medicine doctor, and she is the one we question as to whether or not he (we -- I go too) should try different oils/supplements.

[mmz]

Very insightful. With my childhood, it was always, "she's just so sensitive." Unfortunately, the highly sophisticated meds can wreck havoc physically and financially.

[Diogenis]

One needs to be reminded that the opposite of "sensitive" is "insensitive. So, which is....the alleged dis-ease?

[aproposofnothing]

brilliant observation. The key is how you present your sensitivity without getting upset. Depressed people lack certain tools, so it is a self-perpetuating cycle of being sensitive, getting hurt, saying so, being told that you are sensitive that's why you are hurt, which hurts to hear because you hoped just this once for an apology for making you feel bad, and no one gets how deep and intense the pain is, which makes you ache some more, but now there is no one to turn to. So, the only person in control is you, and how you can change things at some of these steps while keeping your heightened sensitivity because that's what keeps you going in the world, ironically, and makes you a successful person in any field where you are helping people. Personally, I say my piece but never expect the apology, then repeatedly point out when the same comments or whatnot happens as an illustration. It works sometimes. Other times, I just have to ignore and cut myself off for a while from the source of what brings me down.

[lemonyashes]

Touche.