The customer isn't always right, but they invariably think they are, even while they're punching a barista in the face.
So with a goal of equal parts catharsis, shaming, and old-fashioned hater-tainment, we asked service industry veterans across the country to share with us tales of the customers they can't forget -- no matter how hard they try. Thank your lucky stars you've never dealt with anyone like this, and if you see yourself in any of these customers, may your shrimp servings forever be skimpy.
Whine-o
"I used to have a regular that made me keep a glass of ice on ice for her wine so it wouldn't melt. Best part? It was red wine. Just when you thought you've seen it all..."
Sad widow
"Once, I misheard a customer and thought she ordered crab cakes, but she actually ordered the rabbit crepes. When I brought the crab cakes, she insisted that they looked great and wanted to eat them and wouldn't let me exchange them for the crepes.
"After the dinner, her friend pulled me and my boss aside and told me she couldn't believe my mistake and that this was her friend's first night out since her husband died, and I had ruined a young widow's evening with my incompetence. I cried.
"The widow later apologized for her bitch friend and said she really did want crab cakes."
Coffee shop smackdown
"This huge dude (cop said 6'7") came into the coffee shop with his girlfriend and is giving all the baristas a hard time. He asked for a Lone Star and complained that it was flat. Then he pours a little on the counter, to you know, show its flatness. We let it slide, and I walked into the back. Then I heard him yell out 'great job'.
"I come out and tell him he's not welcome at the coffee shop. He comes at me, gets in my face. I walk away but he follows, and grabs me by the collar, so I throw my dirty cleanup towel in his face. He proceeds to punch me hard in the side of my face, I return with a blow to the side of his head, and he goes down like a pile of bricks.
"I then grab a milk pitcher and throw it at his head, creamer goes everywhere, and I pounce on him. Trying to pin him down, he flails around and breaks the door glass. We're separated now, and he's pissed that he got embarrassed. I head back behind the register and then he picks up the computer and two cash drawers and chunks them at me. His girlfriend is yelling at him to leave, so he does.
"This is all going on while the shop is full of students studying for finals and the patio is packed with people watching a screening of Twin Peaks. So we have a nice David Lynch light show going on as our backdrop, with all the hard-working college kids inside, mouths agape."
Around her ankles
"A female customer had a few drinks and fell asleep on the toilet. Since our stalls go all the way to the ground, I had to get on a coworker's shoulders, then dangle upside down over the top of the stall to unlock it. Then I'm blinded by her private parts, have to pull up her underwear from around her ankles, and wake her up. When she stumbled out of the restroom, her boyfriend asked her what took her so long and laughed at her."
Dismemberment plan
"One time when I was 20 and working at a coffee house, this woman who was out on bail for dismembering a body threatened to kill me and my friend, then the manager kicked her out. True story, she is still in jail."
British charm
"Here's one from England -- a guy claimed I damaged his coat, demanded $1,000, and, when I refused, he hounded me with death threats for two years. The police said, 'He's not a very nice guy, you should probably take him seriously.' We're pretty civilized across the pond."
Follow Thrillist on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Thrillist
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.