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Introducing: The Five Guys Secret Menu

03/17/2015 10:28 am ET | Updated May 17, 2015

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Credit: Drew Swantak/Thrillist

Five Guys just might make the best fast-food burger in the country, but beyond the straight-up offerings, we also dig the fact that they offer Pi + infinity different ways to tweak your burger, via an array of 15 totally free toppings, and other delicious shenanigans. So, we posited: why not create our own secret menu using their myriad ingredients?

For that task we brought in Food Network Star-winning chef, Do or Dine owner, and prominent Cereal podcast guest Justin Warner, who created a lineup that ranges from wild innovations to knockoffs of famous burgers across the country. Then we actually went to a Five Guys and made sure we could do all of them. Check half of 'em out here, and see the rest of them at Thrillist.com.

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Credit: Drew Swantak/Thrillist

The In-N-Out Double Double, Animal Style Knockoff

What to order: Cheeseburger w/ extra cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles, grilled onions. AND ALSO: mayo, relish, and ketchup, which you should mix to create the spread.
What to do: Mix up the mayo, relish, and ketchup in a ramekin to create the finest bootleg Thousand Island dressing ever. Then spread that all over everything. We asked if they would grill the patties with mustard, but they politely said no. You should still try though. Either way, you'll feel like you're riding a longboard in California even if you're just very, very cold and uncomfortable in suburban Connecticut.

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Credit: Drew Swantak/Thrillist

The Quintuple Down

What to order: Two bunless little bacon cheeseburgers, a grilled cheese with bacon, and two hot dogs.
What to do: Assemble by flipping one of the bacon cheeseburgers upside down, putting the grilled cheese and hot dogs on top of that, grabbing the other bacon cheeseburger, and mashing it cheese side down on top of all that other crap. Gain at least 4lbs in one sitting, but elegantly.

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Credit: Drew Swantak/Thrillist

The Breaking Windy City Dog

What to order: Hot dog w/ pickles, tomato, relish, hot sauce, green peppers, and mustard, plus a side of Cajun seasoning.
What to do: Sprinkle that Cajun seasoning on the thing for some kick, and make a totally hilarious comment in a bad Chicago accent regarding "Da Bears."

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Credit: Drew Swantak/Thrillist

The Dyers Filthy Diablo Knockoff

What to order: Cheeseburger w/ extra-extra cheese, mustard, pickles, raw onions, salt and pepper, plus a hot dog with no bun.
What to do: Assemble by shoving that hot dog right into the burger. If you know the Memphis chain that does these things, then you know this will be the best and worst decision of your life, simultaneously.

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Credit: Drew Swantak/Thrillist

Fatty Melt

What to order: Grilled cheese, with a hamburger patty on the inside.
What to do: Nothing. Well, just eat it, we guess. But they'll put that patty in there for you.

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