By: Matt Meltzer
Unlike the mustachioed dude muddling kumquats behind the bar or the attractive cocktail waitress who's TOTALLY into you, flight attendants are not trained drink servers. Sure, they're pouring sodas and doling out tiny bottles of booze, but a flight attendant's job first and foremost is to ensure your safety.
And part of that safety involves keeping you from drinking too much, or making a jackass out of yourself with the attractive passenger sitting next to you, or getting so belligerent that the pilot has to make an emergency landing. Which is why, whether you like it or not, they're keeping tabs on your beverage consumption. And what do they think about your 36,000 ft. happy hour? Well, we asked a seasoned flight attendant about passenger drinking and how they're trained to deal with it.
Are there rules as to how much you can serve someone?
We have a traffic light system, kind of like they have in restaurants and bars. Green is happy drinker, yellow is somebody who's starting to lose it, and red, well, you get the idea. Many of us have worked in the bar or restaurant industry and can tell, so it's really up to our discretion.
How do you cut people off?
I have a purser -- or a head FA -- who'll come back and say, "Hey, we're not really allowed to serve you anymore." Or maybe tell them this is the last one. That's mostly in coach. In first class, you get what you pay for, so we'll let them get away with more. You cut off coach way before you cut off first class.
Credit: Flickr/Luke Lai
What do you think about people who drink on planes?
Personally, I LOVE drinking on planes, and usually find the people who do are much cooler and more laid-back. But obviously, every flight attendant is different. Some don't think anyone should drink and fly, not just the pilots. That said, if someone's being a fool, we'll often try to hide for a while. Or only give them half a mini bottle.
What's the worst thing you've had an inebriated passenger do?
Once a guy defecated all over the walls of the lavatory and vomited in the sink, then he lost his phone in the trash and asked me to find it. He did apologize at the end of the flight though and blamed it on the Ambien he washed down with a glass of wine.
And then another time, a guy took a sleeping pill, drank some vodka, groped the flight attendants, stole a handful of minis from the cart, got yelled at by the purser, vomited all over the back galley, and then got duct-taped to his seat until landing. So, yeah, that happens too.
More from Thrillist:
Like Thrillist on Facebook: www.facebook.com/Thrillist
HuffPost Lifestyle is a daily newsletter that will make you happier and healthier — one email at a time. Learn more