It's hard to believe that there have been twenty-two, yes TWENTY-TWO (22) Republican presidential debates already and at least another 10 on the horizon before there is finally just one candidate to face off against President Obama in the 2012 general election.
Due to supply (lots) and demand (none) for these debates, the value of this traditional form of political conversation has diminished similar to the College Bowl Series. This year there were so many sponsor named bowls that it seemed that there was a couple every day for three weeks.
This got me thinking. If Republicans would have less debates, but made them more gimmicky and fun for America to watch, we'd all actually pay attention. Everything should be entertaining yet informative, from the moderators, to the sets and topics. Whoever leads the polls immediately after each debate should be awarded the trophy that is associated with it.
And the best part is, by the end, there will only be one candidate left remaining/standing.
Below you will find my fantasy suggestions for what could have been the 2011-2012 Republican Debate Series:
Debate 1: The BP Environmental Debate
Location: New Orleans, Louisiana
Month: June 2011
Topic: The Environment
Moderator: Ellen Degeneres
Trophy: The Crystal Oil Drum
Debate 2: The Solyndra Sunshine Debate
Location: Fremont, California
Month: August 2011
Moderator: Arnold Schwarzenegger (no reason other than I want to hear his voice)
Topic: The Government Budget
Trophy: 3' X 5' Solyndra Solar Panel (we have to do something with them)
Debate 3: The Current TV Truth Debate
Topic: The Candidates Personal Scandals
Location: San Francisco, CA
Month: October 2011
Moderator: Keith Olbermann
Trophy: A Current Pennant as well as a promise by Keith to not pick on them in segment one of his next broadcast.
Debate 4: The Ben & Jerry's 99% Debate
Topic: Job Creation and Economic Disparity
Location: Zuccotti Park, NYC Outdoors regardless weather conditions
Month: December 2011
Moderator(s): The unified General Assembly mic checking all at once
Trophy: The Golden Tent
Debate 5: The EIB Studios Home Field Advantage Debate
Topic: How conservative the candidate are.
Location: Palm Beach, Florida
Month: Beginning - January 2012
Moderator: Rush Limbaugh
Trophy: The Golden Microphone
Debate 6: The Univision All-Español Debate
Topic: Immigration (but all questions and answers MUST be in Spanish regardless candidate fluency in the language)
Location: Houston, Texas
Month: End - January 2012
Moderator: Sabado Gigante's Don Francisco
Trophy: A Ford Fiesta (that's not a joke, watch the show.)
Final "Debate": The WWE Elimination Chamber.
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Month: February 2012
Topic: This really isn't a debate, but rather is a 6 person steel cage match where 6 candidates enter and only 1 walks out. The concept is pretty self explanatory, but if you need more information, just watch the first 34 seconds of this video:
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Next, we should have a Bible Thumping match, where the candidates engage in one boxing round with a Bible.
Next, the candidates ought to each show how they can take a punch, from Chuck Norris.
Finally, a BBQ cook off judged by celebrity Republican actors would round out
Examples:
Birth certificate
Solyndra
Socialist
Trillions and trillions
Welfare
Man and a Woman
Balanced Budget
Job creators