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Tina Barseghian

Tina Barseghian

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Why Parents Should Both Monitor And Empower Kids Using Social Media

Posted: 04/16/11 01:53 PM ET

With more than 500 million Facebook users across the world, it's hard to refute that the social networking site has profoundly changed the way we communicate and share information. But what is Facebook's effect on kids? When it comes to navigating the social networking world -- whether it's Facebook or fan fiction sites -- the terrain becomes even murkier.

Parents worry about what is age-appropriate, what should be kept private and exposure to cyber bullying, among many other issues. And it's true -- there's a lot to navigate, even for adults. But Facebook and social networks aren't going away anytime soon, and the better parents understand this, the better they'll be able to help their kids understand it, too. Rather than block all access to the Internet, they can see that for every pitfall, there's a potential promise, too.

"Parents can and should moderate sites, but they have to give kids the opportunities to figure out what it means to be digital citizens, and allow kids to be empowered," said Carrie James, who's conducting a qualitative survey of kids and social networks at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. "They need prompts and supports to develop guidelines together."

CONNECTION AND SELF-EXPRESSION

For better or for worse, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and their ilk provide ways for kids to connect with each other and to express themselves. This level of unchecked expression, some argue, is too much for young kids, who can't handle the complexities of social networking sites. "The amount of angst has increased in my school in the past few years," said Anthony Orsini, principal of Benjamin Franklin Middle School in Ridgewood, New Jersey. With three suicides (including Tyler Clementi) in the past year, he says "it's been a fearful time in our town for our parents."

The irony here is that the fear doesn't come from the traditional "stranger danger" but from how kids behave toward each other online.

"Stranger danger is unbelievably minute compared to the social and emotional damage they receive from each other everyday," Orsini said. Add to that the strict anti-bullying laws that Orsini says renders schools responsible for kids' online behavior, and the matter becomes that much more complicated.

But for administrators like Eric Sheninger, principal of New Milford High School in Bergen County, New Jersey, privacy and cyber bullying issues are a red herring. "What if a kid swears in the hallway? It's the same thing. People want to hide behind the legal issues, but it's the same as swearing on Facebook," he says.

Either way, kids will have to learn that their digital footprint is born from the moment they start posting on each other's walls and create their first online avatar. They'll have to figure out that every YouTube video they upload will be a reflection of themselves as the public sees them. With guidance from parents and educators, they can figure out what the world knows about them. But at the moment, it's not a high priority at most schools, Sheninger says.

"Schools aren't teaching kids to be digitally responsible," he said. "We can't fault kids for doing something wrong on Facebook or Twitter because we're not teaching them. We need to have digital citizenship curriculum in schools."

It's important to note here that Orisini is the principal of a middle school, while Sheninger is the principal of a high school, and the age difference can be a factor in how kids behave online.

LEARNING

Chances are, anytime the computer is on near a kid (and let's face it, even adults), some kind of social networking is happening. Whether it's Facebook or instant-messaging, or watching or uploading videos to share, the distractions are endless. As we all know, one link can easily lead to another until suddenly an hour and a half has passed and we've lost track of the task at hand.

Last year's comprehensive study by Kaiser Family Foundation found that kids age eight to 18 actually manage to pack in almost 11 hours worth of media content into seven and a half hours of using media, through 'media multitasking'.

So is there any time left for learning? Researchers like Henry Jenkins would argue that the best kind of learning -- engaged and collaborative -- is happening on social network sites.

Jenkins talks about "deeply meaningful forms of learning... taking place through engagement with affinity groups and social networks online," such as Harry Potter Alliance, which has mobilized more than 100,000 people against the Darfur genocide and labor rights at Walmart.

But because of privacy laws like the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act, most schools shut off access to social networking sites -- with a few exceptions. To principal Sheninger, "if you're not on Facebook, you can't really communicate with us. Our new hub of real-time information is Facebook. I post things about what the kids are doing, and when they comment or parents comment, as a principal, I'm proud," he said.

Facebook's changing privacy settings and its tendency to default to more open information is a source of constant annoyance for its users. We have to keep close tabs on those changes, especially when it comes to kids. But young children are not the primary target user for Facebook, which does not allow kids under age 13 to sign up for an account. Parents must decide whether they'll allow their children to become a part of the vast Facebook network, or to harness the social networking world into smaller, more contained sites like Togetherville or Club Penguin.

Parents can use the subject of privacy settings as an opportunity to teach kids about navigating the online world. They can talk about what information they agree is acceptable to be shared with friends and with the public at large and about social media etiquette. With guidance and support, and with parents to set examples of what they think is appropriate, kids can learn their place and their responsibility as part of a worldwide online community.

Read more in the MindShift series about Children and Social Media.
 

Follow Tina Barseghian on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@mindshiftKQED

With more than 500 million Facebook users across the world, it's hard to refute that the social networking site has profoundly changed the way we communicate and share information. But what is Faceboo...
With more than 500 million Facebook users across the world, it's hard to refute that the social networking site has profoundly changed the way we communicate and share information. But what is Faceboo...
 
 
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10:17 AM on 04/21/2011
Instead of avoiding social media, why not teach kids to be responsible digital citizens? There are organizations out there doing great work keeping kids safe on the internet. The Family Online Safety Institute (FOSI) cites that 99% of children ages 8-17 access the internet and that kids are spending 25% of their internet time social networking. The answer isn't keeping kids off the internet, because kids will find a way to get on social networks regardless if their parents know or not.  

Let's teach kids how to be safe on the internet instead of hiding them from it. There is an age appropriate, safe and secure social networking site for kids, check out www.WhatsWhat.Me and its Parent Resource Center. 

While Facebook is definitely not appropriate for kids under 13 that doesn’t mean these “tweens” should be banned from social networks altogether. WhatsWhat.Me is a safe, secure, “kids-only” social network for “tweens” ages 7-13 which uses patent-pending facial recognition technology, moderation and kid-friendly features to teach kids positive online behavior, Internet safety and related life skills. It’s also compliant with the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA). WhatsWhat.me (Beta) provides an age-appropriate, “no-bullying allowed” community that requires parental permission to join.  For parents, WhatsWhat.me offers its online Parent Resource Center providing expert advice, news, Internet safety tips and information on cybersafety for children.
10:12 AM on 04/17/2011
What ever happened to teachers and parents telling kids not to care what other people think of them? That you shouldn't change yourself so others will like you more.
Now it seems like there's a constant barrage of 'Don't post that, someone may not like it someday.' and we're supposed to care what some random person thinks in the future. Now I understand saying not to threaten anyone, but nowadays calling someone a name is just as bad if it's online.
03:50 PM on 04/16/2011
You're not acknowledging that Facebook gives kids false courage to post things online that they would never say face to face. Interesting the people you talked to because most administrators and teachers I know spend way too much time dealing with stuff that happened over FB or Formspring even though nothing happened during school hours.

The legal age for FB is thirteen, yet so many don't obey the rule. I'm hoping to keep my kids off until high school - I'll settle for eight grade. Still, I just don't think middle schoolers have the capacity to handle the ramifications.
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KidSafeMoms
Child Safety Expert
05:47 PM on 04/16/2011
Facebook and other social networking sites are to children what playground and parks were to us growing up. Parents need to communicate with their children about the dangers, give rules and boundaries for being online (the same way they learn rules, laws, boundaries when learning to drive) Parents need to be the first line of defense in their children's safety. As a Child Safety Expert and Cofounder of KidSafe Foundation a 501c3 nonprofit that works to decrease abuse, bullying and online safety issues of children through prevention education programs - it starts with parenting - if you (the parent) are not using these sites and don't understand - its time to get with the program because your children WILL be using these sites and YOU need to understand how these sites work,,the good,,,and the dangers. Have a great conversation with your child..sit down and ask them to help you set up a site (empower them by asking for their help) and talk with them about dangers and that using the computer is a privilege and with that privilege comes rules. We recommend you sit down as a family and create a computer safety contract - children need and want boundaries..give it to them - for more tips you can check out www.kidsafefoundation.org and our Q & A on Facebook's - Facebook Safety page.
06:31 PM on 04/16/2011
I'm on Facebook myself and began getting ahead of the game when my kids was seven. I plan on doing everything you say, but I don't think she needs a Facebook page at age eleven.