It has to be said -- mommy blogs and mommy-knows-best social media posts are the biggest enemies mommies like myself face. In the beginning of the blogging revolution -- in which these bloggers became instant experts on a variety of topics overnight -- I mistakenly thought these would be informative and helpful. Instead what I found was that I would read one and feel like I was being slapped in the face because indeed, everything I was doing was wrong according to these bloggers, and I was being harshly judged right through my computer screen.
One of the first blogs I read was about breastfeeding. This blog had described in great detail and with the harshest of words that if you don't breastfeed you are committing a crime against humanity. As a mom who wasn't able to breastfeed because of lack of milk production for unknown reasons, I was made to feel as if I hadn't done enough and I will have a baby who will not be as intelligent or as healthy as those who are breastfed. The reality is that there are many women with health conditions that don't allow them to breastfeed -- everything from cancer to mental illness to medications being taken by mom. It should be left up to a doctor, not a blogger, to decide who should or should not breastfeed. Furthermore, formula is not poison and can indeed nourish a baby and allow them to live and grow healthy. And no mother should carry any guilt or be judged for feeding her baby formula.
Most of the mommy blogs I read deal with weight loss and how EASY it is to lose weight, because if these bloggers have done it, well then every mother in America should be able to. Don't you know we are all homogenous and what is good for one is good for all? This was most recently illustrated in a Facebook page post by Maria Kang in which Kang posed in a photo displaying how fit she is with the caption "What's your excuse?" If that is not mommy judging, I don't know what is. There was a social media uproar from this post and Kang, deservedly, received some very harsh words from moms all over.
No, we are not haters.
We would like to leave the weight concerns to doctors Maria, because there are actually new moms who have health problems and mental health issues and other situations that don't allow them to workout two hours a day, seven days a week. As hard as it is for you to see through your arrogance, it shouldn't be hard to understand what problems new moms face and nobody is qualified to assess those situations except the people who sat in school and training for over 10 years to learn about them and the mom herself. Everyone is a unique individual facing their own personal challenges.
Then there was my favorite of all of the judging mommy blogs -- a mother who posted pictures of her child's boogers (they were put on paper for easy viewing) and was advising mothers when to go and when not to go to the doctor based on booger colors. Dark green being the worst -- just in case you are curious. Of course, this was medically baseless and quite comical to me, but I couldn't help but think that there are indeed moms who will read this and believe it and not take their kid to the doctor unless they see green boogers. Reckless to say the least. I think the booger mommy needs to let the health concerns of children remain in the hands of pediatricians.
We moms are handling the hardest job in the world: raising children. The challenges we face day to day are hard enough without being judged by other moms. And this is what these judging mommy blogs and social posts are all about -- the need to feel superior and show people how perfect you are and how imperfect everyone else is. It truly is shameful and hurtful, especially when it is directed at new moms who are vulnerable and are recovering from a life changing event: having a baby.
Each person needs to do what is right for them in their life based on what they are capable of doing to the best of their abilities. Thankfully there are many educated professionals with experience who can direct those in need of help, and nothing should ever be left to a judging mommy blogger -- not even the importance of booger colors -- because they may have a selfish and hurtful agenda of her own.