Robert Mugabe and Katherine Harris held a joint press conference Wednesday to announce Congresswoman Harris' new role as Zimbabwe's Secretary of State.
"As you know, we have an election coming up." said President Mugabe, "I need a credible state official to guarantee that our election ultimately reflects the will of the voters. Well, not every voter, just the right voters. And Katherine Harris is the woman for the job."
The sole opponent to Mugabe's presidency, Morgan Tsvangirai, dropped out of the race on Sunday because of persistent violence and intimidation against him, his party, and their supporters.
"Some say Mr. Tsvangirai is the best hope for a peaceful, democratic Zimbabwe." said Congresswoman Harris. "Well, America was once peaceful and democratic and, as you all know, I took care of that. This should be a piece of cake."
During her term as Secretary of State in Florida, the former Congresswoman was instrumental in helping "elect" President Bush in the 2000 election.
"I am proud today to stand here with Mr. Mugabe." she stated, "No one knows better than me how to make an illegitimate government appear legitimate."
Most recently, Congresswoman Harris ran a failed bid for the U.S. Senate.
Robert Mugabe remarked, "Frankly, I don't know why the good people of Florida did not make her their Senator, but I am quite thankful that they humiliated her with rejection. My emissaries found her in a Tampa TGI Friday's drinking daiquiris, smoking Kools and muttering obscenities about Laura Dern."
When asked about the ethics of working for Mugabe, a strongman leader who has forcibly and often brutally held office for nearly thirty years, Congresswoman Harris answered, "Well, since I put George Bush into office, he has killed thousands of innocent people in Iraq, plunged our nation into an economic quagmire, and completely ignored the world's environmental crisis. So really, I think I can handle this."