OPEN IN THE OVAL OFFICE
Rove: Okay Condi, who let him have it?
Condi: He gets it in the mail every week, sir, it's actually the only thing he reads.
Dick: But he shouldn't have gotten this issue, this issue was different.
Condi: Believe me, if I'd known, I would have confiscated it.
Dick: Didn't you see the cover?! "Sports and Global Warming." Come on, Condi, tell me that didn't set off any alarms?
Condi: I'm so sorry.
Rove: Regrets won't help one bit. He's got it in the john with him right now. Lord knows what conclusions he's coming to, all hunkered down there.
Condi: There was no time, the mailroom boy came, G.W. took it right from him, said "Just gimme a minute." and then he was gone.
Dick: Well, thanks to your incompetence and those conniving editors of Sports Illustrated, we could have the President of the United States honestly worried about climate change.
Condi: Well, it could flood all of Florida, sir.
Dick: Along with every other coastal state, Condi! For Pete's sake, you know that and I know that, but G.W. doesn't need to know that!
Rove: That's just the sort of thing we've been trying to the lid on.
Condi: It's hard to keep track of it all, sir.
Dick: Think about it, Condi. Halliburton doesn't make solar panels, Halliburton doesn't make windmills. And Halliburton isn't worried about energy conservation. Or have you forgotten my "blind trust."
Condi: No, sir. Honestly, nobody regrets this more than me, I'd go in there right now and get it if I could.
Rove: Forget it, no woman's been in that room since Monica Lewinsky, but we may have to do something. He's been more than thirty minutes.
Dick: Maybe he only skimmed the article.
Condi: Well, he's never been great at reading comprehension.
Rove: For your sake, Condi, I hope you're right.
SFX: TOILET FLUSHING.