The Great Elementary School Conspiracy

Watching the convention today, I saw a shrill blonde protester lady with a skull shaped head shrieking about how, when Obama was a young boy living in Indonesia, he went to a Muslim school. Muslim school. Think about it. Sure, this theory has been "debunked" by "experts" like "CNN." But this woman was so loud and so fierce, I just had to believe she was right.

This led to me wonder about other great leaders we've had and how little we really know about their early, early education. It's an important question. After all, this is not an election about policy or vision, it's not about climate change, economic disparity, or war, no, clearly it's about what spiritual journey a child takes between the ages of 6 and 10. Well, just a little bit of research unearthed some startling information:

Um, Cannot Tell a Lie?

George Washington, who, as you may know, was the first president of the United States, actually went to an English Colonial School. From the age of 6 to 10 he was completely under the influence of the Crown. And that's when he became their pawn. From that time on, as the facts clearly indicate, he was just King George's pre-programmed puppet dancing a jig for the greater glory of the good old Union Jack.

Marionette Luther?

Martin Luther? Founder of the Protestant movement (from which come the Baptists, the Presbyterians, and the Pentecostals) Guess what? Raised by Catholics. That's right. Which explains why he wound up being just like Lawrence Harvey in The Manchurian Candidate, only with the Pope Leo X playing the role of Angela Lansbury (Coincidentally, Leo X looked a lot like Jessica Fletcher.)

Charlton Heston: Elitist!

Moses? Raised by the Pharaoh. In the Pharaoh's house. Studied at the Pharaoh Pre-K through 6, at least. Perhaps some of the tribe should have thought about that before following him off into the wilderness.

Jesus? J-Dater?

Which leads me to perhaps the greatest discovery of early education indoctrination known to man ever: Jesus Christ, yes That Jesus Christ, grew up in a Jewish town called Nazareth, which means he almost certainly went to a Jewish school where he no doubt studied carpentry and how to unleaven bread. Actually, there's no telling how many Jewish rites he picked up along the way or how many Jewish messages he subtly slipped into his so called "Christianity."

I think before November comes, we should study each of these cases very carefully. Clearly, the lessons these men had subliminally shoveled into their unconscious while they were mastering spelling and simple arithmetic paved the way for the actions they took later in life. If we are foolish enough to let him become elected leader of the free world, I wouldn't be surprised if Obama turns on us just the same way these brainwashed "leaders" did. So, thank you shrill blonde protester lady with the skull shaped head, you may not have the "facts" on your side, but you may have saved the free world.

Comments

[Schallvain]

Actually Obama did go to a Muslim School (and admits it). He did not go to a madrassa, the fundamentalist muslim school. Most people don't care and the few that do would not have voted for him anyway or would have found another characteristic to complain about.

But look at it this way, if he had converted to Judaism somewhere in there, you could say he was the most well-rounded presidential candidate when it comes to western religion. Nothing wrong with that.

[sociocanuck]

Never mind that, no matter how often each religion might protest, all three are pretty much just different mirrors on exactly the same root faith.

[eeVas]

The part that always gets me with the Muslim arguement, especially when given by the Religious Right is ....

for the sake of arguement, lets say Obama was raised a Muslim. He has for the last 20 years proclaimed he is a Christian. If he is not a Christian, then why do churches send missionaries around the world. Clearly conversion does not work. We should stop all missionary work - NOW!!

[sociocanuck]

I've always been suspicious of George Washington. Especially since he didn't have the Real American decency to change his name from "George" to further distance himself from that evil English monarch.

[PaxMundis]

I agree with most everything you say, but I have to ask: "I saw a shrill blonde protester lady with a skull shaped head"?

What shape should her head be?

[Toby Barlow - Huffpost Blogger]

Well fair enough, but generally speaking, people have cheeks and flesh filling in their skulls, their eyes aren't big, dark cavernous holes, and when they open their mouths they don't look like Edward Munch's "The Scream."

[sociocanuck]

Ruthlessly hillarious (Hillaryous?)

[londongal]

I usually shun from namecalling, but I did see this woman last night and the mental image you portray is spot on!

[freebeer]

Interesting post.
Just how much a school program can influence an individual is hard to define because the rare unique individual like those mentioned in this article can often rise above their circumstances.

But for the macro view when aiming to influence the masses, the school environment really can have a huge impact.

A thought provoking video featuring great parents trying to understand the education policies impacting their beloved children.
http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=7398714418354815608

[mikie63]

What disturbs me about the education of the 6 to 10 year olds in America today is that they are completely brainwashed in their CHURCHES. They are told that if they don't believe all they're being told, they will be sent to that terrible place called HELL. Children of that age group will most likely believe whatever a parent or teacher or preacher tells them. They are not allowed to doubt. That is so sad!!!!

[torrrep]

Wrong. We don't tell our kids to believe and shut up. We expect them to ask questions. We expect them to have doubts. It is normal and there is nothing wrong with that. Even the Apostles doubted so why should it be any different for our kids? And when they come of age they get to make their own choice as to what to believe. So what's your point?

[mikie63]

If when they "come of age" they decide to leave a church and not believe there is a "god", don't you, torrep believe that this god of yours will make sure they go to hell?

[sharpstyx]

Damn i just sprayed coffe all over my pc,

thanks Toby