The President's Christmas Eve Letter

Dear Santa,

It's been a so-so year. Could have been better. Jenna wrote a book (Gosh, didn't see that coming! Who'd a thunk it. I sure couldn't do that.) and, well, I guess that's all that happened that was any good.

Okay, real quick 'cause it's bedtime, here's my list of the things I want:

(1) Rebuild New Orleans: No one around here seems to want to do it, so I guess it's just up to you and the elves.

(2) No Child Left Behind: Sure it sounds great but turns out to be kind of tricky, and I tried but I seem to have just messed it up even more. (Momz probably right, I'm just no good at nuthun.)

(3) Peace in the Middle East: I don't know if you have any supporters over there in Iran, Iraq, Palestine, Israel, Turkey, Pakistan, or Afghanistan. I'm sure I don't. But maybe you can do something. Boy, I've tried. Me and Condi, we've done near done everything we could think of!

(4) No More Climate Change: At first I tried to wish it wasn't so, but I guess there's just no ignoring it. And now Al Gore's gone and got himself both an Oscar and a Nobel Prize while all I've got is a couple hundred boxes of Jenna's stupid unsold book. Hey baby Jesus, thanks for nothing! Anyway Santa, save the polar bears and stuff, okay? Thanks.

(5) No More Foreclosures: I thought the phrase "Ownership Society" would make everything okay for everybody, but guess what Santa, it didn't. Just last night I was getting upset watching the news about how people were getting thrown out of their homes and so now Dick says they won't let me watch the TV no more.

(6) Lastly, and this is an important one, whatever you do, Don't, Don't Don't let Hillary win. That would be soooo embarrassing. My mom would just never let me forget that one. Not ever.

That's it. Thanks for doing all this stuff. You know, being President is real hard. My head aches. I'm going to bed now.

Enjoy the milk and sorry I ate all the cookies,

George

Comments

[xrepublican]

C'mon..... W's only wishes for Christmas are:

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep Congress from finding out just how many laws I've broken before I get out of here......

PLEASE PLEASE keep me out of prison before I can get to Paraguay......

but then with all that neat blackmail material I've got on the Dems - thanks to the NSA - I should be ok........heh...heh...heh.....

[ljsfolly]

Toby: had the real chimp george written the letter he would have given us all chunks of coal but he figured out how he can mine that and further kill of the earth doing it. He wants not one good thing for any Us citizen but those of his choice because he would have to do something for us and he clearly has not wanted that. After all we don't own a big business and we don't own a war making machine like haliburtin that bush and cheney are making hand over fist huge chunks of money. Poor poor george Jr has not had a real thought without cheney and rove and he has all the protection he has ever neede built into the Justice department along with the signing statements that made him King.

[hope4theflowers]

why does everyone try to make Bush seem like a lovable goof?Is this a last resort effort to salvage a legacy besides one of pure evil?
He may be Dumb but he isnt a lovable goof who just wishes he could do something right!He knows what he has done and thats to make alot of other people as evil as he is really really rich.
Sheesh

[rh654]

If Hillary wins in 2008 it would go a long way to giving a Stamp Of Approval to George Bush.

Hillary voted for Iraq, for the Iran resolution and other Bush desires.

Bush would be able to point at Hillary and say "See - not only did I win re-election, the people even voted for a person who sided with me on my major decisions regarding the war in Iraq"...

[darker]

What Bush-Cheney's "ownersh*t society" had
wrought is a GRRRRRREAT BIG STEAMING PILE
of Wall Street profiteers, bizillionaires and
other thieves whose big-bucks lifestyles are
being paid for by middle-income Americans WHO CAN'T AFFORD IT.

[zull2]

Why would it be so embarrassing to Bush if Hillary won the election? I'd think it'd be a solid rejection of his beliefs if Kucinich were elected, but Hillary really isn't all that far off from where Bush stands on things. If anything, it'd tell him "Well, at least they nominated and elected the most Republicanlike Democrat...that's something at least."

[Wilbur]

Why would Dubya want New Oreleans to be rebuilt? that would only ensure the re-election of Louisiana's Democratic U.S. Senator, Mary Landreiu (sp??), in '08.

Wilbur

[LittleGreenGreaseBalls]

Toby! You must have missed another PS.

I did my best to bankrupt the country, do away with the New Deal, install all of my favorite war criminals into permanent government posts and ruin education with my plan called "No Child Left Behind." I'm just hoping the American voters are stupid enough to give another fool like me enough votes to steal another election. Gosh and golly, in another eight years we would be able to establish a genuine plutocracy and if I had a horse I could have him made a senator.
--signed, All Hat

[UNCLEJOE]

How about cyanide brownies

[CAPTAINSKIPPY]

W's update:
PS - so sorry, Santa, also spilled the milk when I nearly choked on all the cookies, but they were so very good! Hope to have a few treats for you, next year. Thanks agin.

[Maxbyte]

Some of us are just meant to be a mess in search of order.

Did you write the letter, Toby? Just curious. No misspellings that I noticed. Couldn't have been written by George.

No fake folksy words. No fake patriot talk. Not a hint of an alcoholic trying to do the twelve steps.

[zendem1]

Merry Christmas to all Huffposters and your families!

[wagonjak]

Thanks for the kind of wonderful snark we usually get at sites like Sadly No!...I agree the list would be funny if it weren't so sad and true....SSSSIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Neither Santa or God can rescue Bush now!

[beck]

We will soon see what Bush's "ownership society" hath wrought.

[lwaxanatroi]

See, I think we all misunderstod "the ownerships society." It didn't mean, as we thought it did, that we would own stuff. No, it meant we would be owned by the giant corporations who mine us for data, lend to us at interest rates Shylock would have been ashamed to charge, and whisk our pensions away with the wave of a hand while "earning" millions of dollars in bonuses. It's just another one of Bush's "this bill does the exact opposite of what its name promises to do." Like "no child left behind" leaving all children behind by teaching to stupid tests. Like the clean air act allowing more pollution. Anyone who thinks this is all a mere accident of Bush's limitations is missing the obvious question: "cui bono"? Who benefits? Hint: it isn't us.

[Farrapo]

and ...

7) Don't let the goody two shoes apply the Golden Rule to me when I am out of office. I don't want to be prosecuted and have them do unto me as I did unto others and send me to rot in Guantanamo with no habeas corpus. I don't really speak that much Spanish and couldn't sing Guantanamera even if they tortured me, which we don't do by the way ... I hope.

[Lemeritus]

Ah, Toby, it would be funny if it weren't so sad.

I'm recalling the comfort I thought I could take (after the initial shock of the Supreme Court coup subsided) of all the fun Leno could have with Bush for the next 4 years. It never occurred to me that this miscarriage of an election would be just the first step in a national nightmare.

Santa's got his work cut out for him. And he can't come around too soon.

Merry Christmas all!

[desmirl]

George W. ate all the cookies? You sure they weren't hash brownies?