It's Time to Change My Middle Name

My middle name is "Vincent." On Monday morning I'm going to go to city hall and have it changed to "William" or "John" or something less ethnic.

See, I may run for office and I would hate to have my opponent say my middle name over and over and over. I mean, I've never been a member of an organized crime family (that I know of). Really.

Just think how bad for me it would be if voters got the impression I was just like Vincent "Chin" Gigante, or mistake me for him, even though he's dead.

(I wonder if Bill Cunningham would have used "Chin" to imply that the boss was a Chinese Communist?)

Suppose they thought I was like Vinnie "Big Pussy" Ponpensiero and wanted to dump my lifeless body in the Atlantic Ocean?

On the other hand, my middle name could get me votes. There are seven towns named Vincent (Alabama, Minnesota, Pennsylvania -- East and West Vincent, Louisiana -- Port Vincent, and Minnesota -- St. Vincent).

I wouldn't want people to get the impression that I'm Catholic, either. Since the Catholic Church has been complicit in war, conquest, support of Benito Musselini, and pedophilia. There are seven Saints named Vincent. I don't have to name them, do I? You can name them just as easily as Presidents of the United States #20 thru #29, right?

No, siree, I'm dumping my middle name. Nobody will ever guess that I'm Italian just by looking at the rest of my name "Tom D'Antoni."

Forward this to Bill Cunningham in Cincinnati. I don't want him coming after me too. He looks deranged and dangerous.

Note to Mike D'Antoni, coach of the Phoenix Suns: listen buddy, I don't know what your middle name is, but you had better change it quick.

Comments

[ObGyn]

Really very witty. I am still laughing.

[PackyJ]

Frankly, I'd be worried about making fun of anyone named Tom "Big Vinnie" D'Antoni.

Cousins Guido, Sal and Carmine might show up to teach me some manners.

[MzTexas]

Thinking individuals don't give a rip about a candidates' middle name. The people who will give credence to the "implications" behind Obama's LEGAL name aren't going to vote for him anyway . . . they wouldn't vote for him if he looked more like his mother and his name was John Smith.

Obama supporters . . . you need to quit being so defensive. It fuels the fire and gives the implied slur more creedence.

[hoodrat]

It's not the middle name that's offensive - but the implications behind it. It has the similarities of "boy". From an elder, the sentient would understand it's usually a seniority issue. From one of similar age - it had better be part of a joke, or carry the penalty on your litter, maybe the paramedic would understand. I am reminded of being the only Black in a classroom, where guys would say blatantly racist shit - then ask "what did I do?", when i'm busy kickin' their face in. I can only wonder what our "allies" in the Middle East are thinking right now. So fuckin' sad.....But hey Tom, don't change the name bro., Italians always have the coolest nicknames:)

[Beelzebufo]

One of the reasons I finally chose not to run for president in '08 is that my middle name is Cuthbert.

[James Love - Huffpost Blogger]

See James Love's Profile

1. The shock value of hearing a non-wasp name wears off pretty fast, particularly in a campaign where there is so much attention being played.
2. It's pretty awkward to use three complete names for someone. Who has the time for so many syllables?
3. Using Hussein and being negative about Obama at the same time is more or less like nailing an "I'm a bigot" sign on your back. I doubt it will catch on. Karl Rove is probably giving his troops good advice to have more than this to campaign on.
4. In the short run, we'll have a stupid debate over whether or not it's ok to mention someone's middle name. But in a presidential election, pretty much everything is on the table. How many huffpo posters have made anti-Mormon slurs?