As the first season of the cult-like hit (!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!) MTV show Jersey Shore comes to a close, there isn't a warm, fuzzy feeling in Seaside Heights. Before I share my insights and observations, I want to share with you the qualifications that allow me to even comment on the Trouble In Paradise:
1. I spent my childhood years in North Jersey. Part of my college experience involved a couple of semesters at Ocean County Community College (near Seaside) and my final degree was from Montclair State in North Jersey.
2. I have spent some time cruising "The Boards" at Seaside and dropped many a quarter on the wheels at Lucky Leo's.
3. I married a Jersey girl whose father was pretty serious Italian.
4. Last but not least is the fact that until I moved to Virginia, I never once went to the beach -- WE ALWAYS WENT DOWN THE SHORE.
In case you haven't heard, they've got Trouble with a capital T right there in Seaside Heights. The negotiations with the cast for a second season have hit a big bump in the road. I hope the reports aren't true, but the cast members have been said to believe that they are worth an additional $10,000 per episode. I guess it's good work if you can get it, but there are plenty of guys out there who act like immature, shallow, horny, tough, uneducated, ego centrics for free. There are also plenty of girls who dress cheap and slutty while acting tough but at the same time immature with foul mouths. And like their male counterparts, these girls receive no compensation for their attitudes or behavior.
This is top secret so keep it under your proverbial hat. Because of the crazy expectations of the existing cast there are currently plans being developed for taking the Jersey Shore II in a different direction. As the production team searched for ego centric loudmouths trying to pick fights, they didn't have to look far. If my source is correct, in season two there will be a new cast that will not be Italian based.
Negotiations are in progress with a cast that will comprise self-proclaimed political pundits. The cast will include the following members -- Rush "The Anti-Situation" Limbaugh, Sarah "Death Panel" Palin, Glenn "The Ripper" Beck, Keith "K-Abrasive" Oberman, Ann "I'm So Confused-Woww" Coulter, Neal "The Truth Twister" Boortz, and Bill "Shut Yo Mouth" O'Reilly.
A draft of the first episode has already been submitted. The "Anti-Situation" Limbaugh flashes his lack of abs and mimics last year's cast with a crazy Snookie dance and fist pump. "Death Panel" Palin goes dolphin hunting in Barnegate Bay. "The Ripper" Beck challenges Mike "The Situation" from last season to a whacky/makes no sense comment contest. "K-Abrasive" Oberman tells yo momma jokes about the rest of the cast. "I'm So Confused-Woww" Coulter talks about having troublesome feelings in her loins for Sammi "Sweetheart". In a shoking surprise "The Truth Twister" doesn't say a thing in this episode. Finally, "Shut Yo Mouth" O'Reilly breaks a window and a door because he's not allowed to turn off the microphones of the other cast members.
As you can see, big things are in the works. I hope you will tune in. Unfortunately, I am sure that there will an outraged response from the political pundit community. I apologize to those of you who are offended by these sterotypical characterizations of your profession. Some things never change. It's always that 99% of those pundits who always give the other 1% a bad name.