McCain/Palin -- Unifiers At Work

I want to be one of the first to congratulate and thank the John McCain and Sarah Palin team for the work they have done to unify our country. Like most of the country, my first reaction to the Republican ticket and the tactics being employed was that they were attempting to tear the country apart. I figured that their plan was to create divisions between virtually everyone so they would be able to sneak in the back door and get elected. Just this week the reality hit me. John McCain and Sarah Palin are kind of like secret double agents.

The secret double agent plan started with Sarah's selection. With several good choices to fill the VP slot on the ticket, the McCain machine decides to pick an unqualified unknown "regular hockey mom" with questionable experience and a shady background. The whole double agent plan at first seemed to backfire. There was a short post convention bump that made some people think that they were trying to divide us. Luckily within days, their plan started to work. As more and more information surfaced about Sarah, many people started to realize that they better herd up in Obama's camp.

As the days passed, we were amazed as wacky story after wacky story surfaced. The short list includes the Bridge To Nowhere, Troopergate, rape kit charges, at home per diem expenses charged to the state, taking a road trip after her water broke, hiding from the public and the press, charging the state for her children's road trips, pre-Sarah debt free Wasilla to post-Sarah Wasilla millions in debt, lawyers making thousands upon thousands everywhere she went, and the Ted Stevens connection. Remember, that's the short list. The $150,000 wardrobe tab and $13,200 make-up bill last month helped kill the "regular hockey mom" image and drive a few more people away.

At the same time we watched the Alaskan circus, John was pretending to be running for president and trying to get votes. The reality was that he was working on his plan to unite our country. He was driving people away from the Republican party by the thousands. He was also helping uncommitted voters make up their minds by becoming extremely erratic and unpredictable. Frequently displaying moments of faux anger and confusion continued to help voters question his ability to handle the pressures of the presidency. Constantly referring to everyone as "my friends" also really started to get on people's nerves.

One of the most brilliant moments in his unification plan was when John said he didn't know how many houses he owned and he would have his people get back to us. Talk about a gutsy move! This supposedly "regular" guy separated himself from the rest of the country because everyone else in America knows how many houses they own. More people flocked to the Obama camp.

As the campaign headed down the stretch, John's people realized that they still had way too much support and the country was still divided. Pulling out all stops in an effort to unify the country, John started to act like a poo flinging monkey. The bigger the distortion the better... attack-attack-attack! Nothing drives people away faster than lies, distortions and attacks. Throw in a few flubbed/self conflicting talking points and pretty soon even your own party starts to jump ship.

So say what you will about John and Sarah, but I want to thank them for driving the people of our country together. I am certain when all is said and done, the history books will tell the unbelievable tale of the unification efforts of John McCain and Sarah Palin.

Comments

[kiwihuff]

Tom, there may be a few who read this who will take your words literally and chastise you for nefarious, un-American conduct. I tried to book a venue for the public auction of Monty Python's reincarnated Alaskan Blue Parrot the other day and I received a polite reply from the newspaper inferring that they thought I was joking and would not process my Anchorage Town Hall booking. What is so extraordinary about this Presidential Election is that there is anyone at all still willing to vote for the McCain/Palin option. But on the basis that like attracts like, one would perhaps expect a minority of frail, elderly, illiterate, unthoughtful and devious individuals to support this year's Republican circus clowns.

[sonomarc]

They united us...and killed the GOP beast in the process!

[chris76543]

Wow - a friend and I were joking that McCain might be trying to throw the race - you've made it clear that he's been doing this for the good of the nation - McCain is quite a guy, and you're a very perceptive writer.

[hangdogit]

Palin has united the Republicans -- and the Democrats. The problem for her is that -- especially this year -- Democrats outnumber Republicans.

[wingman1]

he he he he he