Pat Roberston Conquers the Martians

No one understands how the universe gyrates. Whether it's a trip to Wal-Mart or a walk down the aisle of matrimony, everything seems rather ridiculous when viewed from afar. If you think you fully understand an idea or believe you can put order to the mysteries of life, you'll always wind up looking silly.

With his heavenly brand of tea leaves, tarot cards, and fortune cookies, no has ever looked more consistently absurd than Pat Robertson. His unfortunate fleeced followers are a boob tube congregation of the clueless; a brood of frightened unhappy Americans. They are hoping for a better go-round next existence, while courting absolution for their beautiful humanity. In this time of marriage-legality debates, the hypocrisy of the unconstitutionally illegal marriage of church and state painfully continues. It seems the longer the hypocrisy persists the more Fellini-esque it becomes. Robertson's proclamation of support for Rudy Giuliani was another classic moment of nonsensical silliness by another of America's holy blowhards.

Pat Robertson told the world that god himself was backing candidate Rudy. Never mind that the mouth was Robertson's, the message was clear, Vote Rudy, or risk going to hell. It's like trying to stir oil and water - mixing politics and religion - it's why we never talk about either at the dinner table. American politics should develop constitutional table manners. What should have been a cockfight between the two men, is an Alice through the looking glass love fest. Giuliani courted Robertson who blamed 9/11 on the ACLU, gays, abortion, pagans, feminists, People for the American Way, and the National Organization for Women. Ambition is apparently not only blind, but deaf and dumb. Instead of being embarrassed by the endorsement, Rudy stepped up to the podium and proudly accepted the canonization by the leader of the misled.

Pat Robertson's life, like 1964's Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, is a waste of a thinking person's time. It's based upon the belief that an omnipresent force sees all, knows all, and forgives most, while dishing out rewards and penalties annually. He sits on high with his legions of little angelic elves, doing good while charging up the battery of joy he unleashes on Christian nations each Christmas. This jolly fellow is benevolent, even when he's kidnapped to Mars.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is full of chocolate layer cake and banana split pills for the Martian's kiddies who sadly never get the real thing-- but don't waste your time watching it sober. If you can sit through it long enough to see the guy in the bad polar bear suit, you'll either fail a drug test or are gullible enough that you will be voting for Giuliani in order to please Robertson's baby Jesus.

In the film all ends well for the Earth, Mars, Santa Claus, and of course always the children. Earlier when things got dicey, a news reporter in the film utters, "Mrs. Santa Claus has positively identified the kidnappers as Martians"...classic stuff here, really.

The film's mini-starlet is Pia Zadora in her film debut, playing an eight-year-old Martian girl. Pia's real claim to fame came years later when she single-handedly destroyed the Golden Globes credibility by bribing--I mean "courting"--the Hollywood Foreign Press Association with a trip to Vegas to watch her nightclub act. She won both a Raspberry for worst performance by an actress, and the Golden Globe, for best newcomer. She gained further notoriety when she and her husband Meshulam Riklis bought the famously romantic Beverly Hills landmark mansion "Pickfair" in January of 1988, only to demolish it to build a modern monstrosity.

Last night while getting lasagna at a local eatery, I was confronted with "Santa Claus" standing behind me in line. He is a staple character around the west side of Los Angeles. Santa drives a red mini-station wagon with a California license plate personalized to confirm he IS Santa Claus all year long. I said "Hello" ignoring his long white beard and round gold-rim glasses. I agreed with him that we were in the best Italian joint in town. Talk turned towards LA traffic, the price of gas, and then politics reared its ugly, untamed head. Santa asked me whom I was supporting in '08. "You first," I said. "OK, well that's easy," he said. "Hillary." I offered an early Yuletide cheery nod of agreement, all the while bursting with enthusiasm to tell EVERYONE that Santa is a Clinton Democrat! I quickly quelled my excitement, happy in the fact that Hillary has far too much sense to step up to any podium to accept such an endorsement.

Comments

[Kirby]

Bash Robertson all you want, but you lower yourself when you bash Christianity, and you insult a lot of people.

[tchristin]

Pat Robertson's endorsement should be a curse to any candidate running for office. He's as corrupt as they come.

I'd like to see more investigation of his ties to diamond mines in Africa. It should be more widely reported in the free press so people know exactly what sort of "Christian" he is.

http://www.skeptictank.org/robem2.htm

[57basque]

I've seen for some time now that the media-right storm has lots of us throwing stones.
I don't like Pat. I've read his book the "End of the Age." He is wrong because he offers no solutions.
America is the odds on favorite who all the merchants have been made rich by. Still, though it has invaded a Sovereign it still my not fall.
That is how tolerant my Dog/god is. When Pat and the rest of the Rail Road learn that, we may save this Land from being thrown down with violence from within.
What does Daniel 12:1 have to do with these times?

[jazzpotato]

Thanks for the hellish trip down memory lane! My grandma took me to see Santa Claus Conquers The Martians when I was 5 years old. I think Jamie Farr was in that too. Falwell and D James Kennedy have gone to be with Santa. Maybe Pat Robertson is anxious to meet him too?

[gems]

God help us all!!!!...Pat Robertson endorsing Rudy G. If Bush was so convinced that God chosen him as our leader, and God is telling Pat Robertson to vote for Rudy G. Is God really that good?. For heavens sakes!!!!!..

Gemma

[susanlno]

So Santa is a Clinton Democrat. Does he know that Hillary is a Bush Democrat?

[KarenZipdrive]

"Christians" leaning toward that cross-dressing, serial cheater Rude Giuliani just shows how they have bastardized the teachings of Christ and used their "religion" as a shield to hide their slimy self aggrandizement.
Pat Robertson's a leading wingnut in the fundamentalist world. Anyone who would follow his lead in selecting a presidential candidate is too stupid to be allowed to vote.
I'm glad he endorsed Giuliani. It's the kiss of death for intelligent voters.

[ahsregusted]

Who's Pat Roberston?

[jcheadsup]

Pat Robertson"s endorsement of Rudy Giuliani, only prove that birds of a feather, (birds being lying chicken hawks) flock together.

[hmla169]

Robertson is endorsing Guiliani because he's more afraid of the "Muslim hordes" than the "Abortion industry."

Francis Fukuyama was on C-SPAN a year or so ago and a caller asked him if Christians would be better able to evangelize in Iraq now that we had troops there. His answer was no (you might even say he held back a smirk/chuckle), but the question made me wonder how much Far Right Evangelicals like Robertson see U.S. actions in Iraq and Afghanistan as a new Crusade.

[JScott]

So.....
What's Pia Zadora up to now?
Ya never hear of her in the entertainment fluff media, it's all about Paris, Angelina or Lindsay now.

[Gatogorra]

p.s. I believe it was Falwell who blatantly blamed 9/11 on homosexuals, feminists, etc.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_8dSnKiaD4

I've only read that Robertson was said to agree with Falwell's famous rant:
http://www.alternet.org/story/12909/

[Gatogorra]

Kind of weird that Robertson would put out a 700 Club alert on vaccine safety that underscores the contradictions of the CDC and pharmaceutical industry...and then endorse a pharma whore like Rudy.
Religion is just the opiate of the masses anyway. Who needs it when we can get the real thing, thanks to Rudy's firm's defense of hillbilly heroin manufacturers.

[mkelch]

Oh Tom you are so yesterday. Robertson conquered the Martians ages ago. With this endorsement of Gulliani he is clearly going intra-galactic. Cheney is already the official go-guy in his role as Darth Vader. They are breaking ground for a new theme park on the moon after the election.

[maxpower]

God keeps Pat around to remind us liberals what a real Bible-toting-hypocrite is. After all, 56 million stupid Americans voted for Dubya in 2004 so don't sell Rudy short. He is the king of all whores. After Bush, it wouldn't surprise me if the stupid Americans voted for someone in drag. Pat, I mean God, help us all. Amen and pass the Tylenol.