I talked to men and women all across the country about pornography. Are you ready for what they said?
I was at a dinner party recently with the CEO of a company involved in the video infrastructure of Verizon's FiOS service. He told me (in gory detail) how the capacity constraint on the system is quite literally being driven by $14.99 pay-per-view pornography.
He was understandably amused by the stupidity of guys across the country, who eagerly consume porn movies--only to turn them off after an average of 18 minutes. A porn purchase lasts 15 percent as long as a two-hour movie and still drives the capacity requirements of the entire system.
It is difficult to overstate the role that pornography plays in American life (especially, one could argue, in Utah, the nation's most prolific downloader of online porn), or the hysteria that surrounds it.
Is Internet pornography really turning us all into sex addicts? Will boys who grow up on degrading porn be unable to form healthy sexual relationships as adults? Is repetitive porn viewing really changing our brains?
And, most importantly in my mind, are we---as guys---talking honestly about any of this? Are we ready to have a frank discussion about the role that online pornography plays in our lives? Are we ready to man up and tell the truth?
I recently set out to speak with readers and thought leaders about pornography in modern America. The response, which you can read below, was overwhelming. I invite you to continue the conversation at The Good Men Project.
"What is going on to create such an accelerating and insatiable appetite for porn among men in our country? You clearly have no idea how much of 1985-1989 I spent looking at the same three 1978 Penthouses."
---Joel Stein, Time
"The inherent problem with porn, from a female perspective, is there is minimal kissing or tenderness, much less sensuality. How many women want to wear high heels to bed? I would like to view what transpired between Rhett and Scarlett after he carried her up those stairs."
---Cherie Welch, Atlanta, Georgia
"If you have to ask whether porn is good or bad, then you already have the answer. The question is how bad?"
---Todd Dagres, Spark Capital and owner of Twitter
"A couple of years ago, this tall, very fun, smart, and pretty 22-year-old woman told me she'd been with men her age at least twice who couldn't have sex with her because she did not look like, or do in bed, what they'd seen in pornography. How depressing is that?"
---Margery Eagan, Boston Herald columnist and talk radio host
"An older gentleman friend told me that all that his 19-year-old grandson (who is a university student and lives with him) did with his time was visit porn websites online and that he, the grandfather, was convinced that it was why the grandson was failing at the university. In fact, the grandson had viewed so many of the sites that the computer became unusable; it had become infested with sexually explicit spam. He said he couldn't decide whether to throw the computer or his grandson out."
---Antwone Fisher, author of Finding Fish: A Memoir and How to Tie a Tie
"Porn just is. It's not inherently good or bad. You can't legislate desire. As soon as photography was invented, the French immediately began taking dirty pictures. As soon as the Internet was invented, Americans (and everyone else) immediately began sending dirty pictures. I think anything that is consensual, respectful, and above the age of 18 is okay. The problem comes when women are objectified and degraded. I think it's a huge problem that encourages and leads to violence. Unfortunately, that's where a lot of porn has gone. And the porn involving children is horrific. Does this mean that porn is inherently bad? I'm not sure."
---Michael Kamber, New York Times photojournalist
"Personally, I think there's cause for concern, but I don't think porn is the problem. The concern I have is with the lack I see of rational vocabulary about sex among young men and men in general. It's easy enough to find porn of somebody having sex with themselves, or with lawn furniture, or whatever, and always has been. But if that's all it is, sheer titillation and masturbation, then everybody involved is ultimately harmed in some way -- consumers, distributors, and producers alike. My observation is that there's precious little context for young men trying to figure this all out. And a lot of times, that precious little context is being provided by men who are still trying to figure it out themselves, or worse yet, by people who are profiting by exploiting the confusion."
---Todd Mauldin, Bluesman, Reno, Nevada
"The hysteria around pornography is just not useful. A good bit about it is an ugly side effect of the negative part of modern feminism: unattractive women who can't get what they want, and instead of doing the logical thing, doing the best with what they have, they demonize male sexuality.
We live in what are 'evolutionarily novel' times. Men evolved to be visual--it was part of continuing the human race. Women evolved to be more circumscribed about who they have sex with--they have a far greater cost per sex act (potentially being pregnant for nine months and then having a child to raise). Male sexuality isn't wrong or nefarious--we just live in times where there are forces playing on our evolved preferences.
Similar to the hysteria about porn consumption, people are beside themselves about young people 'hooking up.' Well, at a certain point, many or most will tire of that and want something more. And then they will go look for that. You can become addicted to lots of things--food, porn, shopping, collecting action figures. If it's disrupting your life, keeping you from what you want, it's a problem. Maybe not all men will want to connect or to develop themselves to a point where they can connect. This is their choice. Some will. And it's up to parents to do the actual work of parenting to see that their kids turn out in a way where they have values, and can make choices that enhance their lives."
---Amy Alkon, syndicated advice columnist, advicegoddess.com; author, I SEE RUDE PEOPLE: One Woman's Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society
"The scale of porn is huge. What causes the acceleration? It's not abundant supply. It's demand. Porn and teenage boys have been inseparable since the beginning of time. The Internet offers more extreme porn than the airbrushed Playboy images I grew up on, but that's not a reason to get unduly riled. I'm much more concerned about porn and adult males, many of whom seem to use it as a substitute for real relationships. Substitution quickly becomes distance, and distance becomes an unbridgeable chasm--and the porn-obsessed masturbator develops an unhealthy view of sex and women. Millions and millions of sick men out there. If I were an American woman, I'd be very cautious."
---Jesse Kornbluth, former AOL editor-in-chief
"I don't know how we put the genie back in the bottle on this one. I mean, it's nice that the courts are taking a look at teen sexting, but what really has to be faced is the way we're seeing a pornification of the culture--where young men are taught that the objectification of the self, the marketing of the sexual persona to others in slick media formats, is normal.
If you stand in a CVS and look at the magazine rack, you'll see guy after guy who could be an Ultimate Fighter or porn star, and it feels like the message coming off the culture is that to succeed, or just to live, we all need to turn into killer porn stars with tattoo sleeves and no privacy. If you look at the blog (NSFW) Guys With iPhones, I feel like what you see are picture after picture of guys looking to see if they fit that mold yet. And I don't think that blog is hot--those guys all look lonely. I'm actually very pro-porn and erotica, but what I wonder is, where is all this loneliness coming from in the booming age of so-called social media? I think that loneliness is more of a problem than the porn which, to my mind, is just a symptom."
---Alexander Chee, novelist
"Sex sex sex, America's favorite neurosis. While I always support relative, appropriate boundaries and a parent's right to determine those for their family, we too often jump to the presumption that we all agree that porn is at its moral core a negative. Whether it's 'wrong' or 'detrimental' or 'anti-progressive' (a catchall for feminist, gender sturdy, marxist, etc. critique), I cannot help but be aware of Foucault. The archeology of attitudes on porn in America begins in Puritanism.
If you think that is reductionist, I listen, but refer you to psychotherapy; sometimes a core issue is just that simple, despite the layers of complexity it engenders. We are 'not supposed to have sex' or, certainly, 'wrong sex' as defined by any number of social codes stemming from a 1,500-year history of cultural repression.
Consider this: in this code, we are 'not supposed to be gay.' Period. We all know that has hung in our emotional philosophies since they burned us fags out of the culture by the millions. Thankfully, the social progeny of the Enlightenment/American philosophy of liberty and equality is changing this slowly.
My short answer to why porn proliferates is that it's about time we expressed our sexuality in its natural fullness again. Porn is the toe in the water made possible by new technology.
Regarding teens and porn, every family must set their guidelines. I myself have no problem with the natural sexuality of children, provided it is guided and channeled and not abused. Porn provides fantasy images, and I do not find that the majority of people, young or old, mistake it for either reality or the same expectations from the visual fantasy to the real relationship, other than wanting to try a technique discovered.
The problem with addiction and unrealistic sexuality comes from the absence of fathers in the post-industrial revolutionary world, and the narcissistic abdication of parents and elders from their traditional jobs as trainers and mentors. Fill that ancient and human need in children and teens and watch additions recede. Teach people how to be a full human being and watch the freedom of their exploits in reality."
---Bennett Schneider, Los Angeles
"Not only is most of it deeply misogynist, but it provides both men and women an incredibly unrealistic sense of what sexuality is. Porn has nothing to do with actual, real-life sex, which is--above all--a deeply emotional experience, charged with shame and desire and anger and sadness and ecstasy. Porn is more like an infomercial for 'Sex: the Rowing Machine!' I'd hate to be a teenage boy inundated by porn--it just makes them feel inadequate and angry and dismissive of women and their desires."
---Steve Almond, author of Candy Freak
"Porn addiction will one day be recognized as a major public health crisis on the scale of alcohol and tobacco abuse. My primary concern is the use of porn for sex education. For many people, the first exposure to the intimate realm of sexual behavior is these selfish male fantasies which use female bodies with no reciprocity. We who advocate an enlightened sexual ethic find the messages in porn contradict true intimacy between couples. My second concern hurts fewer people, but far more deeply. The exploitation of young women and men who work in the porn industry is a sickness fed by high demand and all porn users bear some responsibility."
---Haji Shearer, Fatherhood Advocate
"Clearly, there is a lot to say about how insidious and deleterious porn can be for women. But then there's the whole argument that I even hear from my friends and peers about consensual porn use etc., everyone wants to say it doesn't hurt them, just others. Anyway, I tend to go with the idea that sexual health is good for men (for themselves and their relationships -- straight or gay) and the flood of pornography isn't helping the sexual health of boys. All that being said, I think there's another question for you about how you lead into this and whether you discuss the idea that we've known for a long time; that pervasive pornography has hurt women and girls but we haven't stepped up for that, and now we step up because it isn't good for boys... I think you can find a way to say something about both. This is what I think you are referring to overall (and you are not alone) for every time you discuss manhood, you will get the 'what about women?' question. It's legit because of the context in which we live."
---Lonna Davis, Family Violence Prevention Fund
"Porn is a core economic driver in Southern California, and a huge driver of hardware and software innovation on the internet. The press focuses on the 'victims' in the industry, which is undoubtedly true, but Jenna Jameson and Jenny McCarthy have used it as a starting point for more mainstream careers. The empowerment of women has been pushed real hard. In my view, one of the unintended consequences of that empowerment is that porn, strip clubs, etc., have become socially acceptable career paths. I could handle most anything, but the thought of one of my children in that business may be more than I could take."
---Andy Oleszczuk, former Senior Vice President responsible for cable channel development, Tribune Company
"My concern about the rise of pornography--or the rise in its ease of access, especially online--is that it desensitizes both boys and girls, it makes serious activities casual and thereby serious relationships casual, and it rushes kids into matters that need maturity, if not adulthood. In different terms, it simply raises the pressure by raising the exposure. Does it cause more sex? More babies? I don't know--and one needs to look empirically and not just react emotionally. But in a world where it is harder than ever for kids to be kids, I worry that the pressures only increase."
---Rick Melvoin, Headmaster, Belmont Hill School for boys
"I'm probably the wrong guy to ask about porn because I don't see nearly enough of it. Truly, I'm abashed when I'm among men who clearly do see their share, because I haven't kept up, and it can be borderline embarrassing: flashback to talking to upperclassmen in high school and not wanting to reveal that you're still a virgin. No man wants to be seen as a prude...
Aside from the well-documented and galling exploitation of those who work in porn, my general complaint with it has always been that porn's so damn artless, so crass. Fast food versus slow food.. .Now that I'm raising boys, I expect I'll get more and more sensitive to how ubiquitous it is, because I guess I do believe that a steady diet of porn warps guys' expectations about sex. Yeah, I get the argument that a little arousal, self-abuse might be cathartic, and fantasies are better than rape. But I think porn generally encourages objectification of women's bodies and leaves boys obsessed with sex acts/techniques rather than getting to know the person they're having sex with.
I can recall guys for whom porn got in the way of real discovery. They thought porn was showing them something/spilling secrets, but it left them kind of screwed up/unable to even approach women. I don't suppose I'll be able to keep my boys from it, but I will discourage it, although maybe at some point I'll watch it with them so I can express what I don't like about it: It's that so much of it is crude, ultimately numbing, that it steals power from something that should be great in your life. Porn cheapens sex, and if we all want to boast of cheap sex once or twice, we want better than cheap sex for all-time."
---Brad Wieners, Executive Editor Men's Journal
"Don't forget the porn mongers at the S.E.C. While the country is crumbling and they're supposed to fix it, these guys are spending eight hours a day surfing and downloading from porn sites."
--Kevin Williamson, Los Angeles, California
"Porn is the biggest business on the Internet. There is currently an epidemic of men across America who prefer masturbating to porn over sex with their partners. Adolescents and children are overexposed and overstimulated. While I see nothing wrong in erotic material per se (there are couples who enjoy porn together), there's a difference between eroticism and inundation. You could land in any major city in the U.S. in the morning and have a willing sexual playmate that evening. The Internet has distilled the porn industry, strengthened its breadth and reach."
---Terry Real, author of I Don't Want To Talk About It
"Just imagine the pressure inexperienced teens must feel, particularly those exposed to hardcore porn. They know it's a fantasy, but how could they not be affected, consciously or otherwise, when their first time/first relationship finally arrives? As if there wasn't enough pressure already (longer! stronger!), pornography simply adds one more layer of distortion (bite me! spank it!) and misinformation (hurts so good!) that impressionable teens don't need. On the bright side, maybe porn has an intimidation factor that will frighten some youngsters into keeping their pants on a bit longer? Naw ..."
---Jeffrey Wallace, writer and father, Orange Country, California
"We're asking the wrong questions about porn: How bad is it? Is it morally wrong? The discussion I'd like to see us having, especially as it relates to teenage boys, is about the emotional impact of porn -- what do boys 'get' from viewing or using porn? What is the charge (not just physically, but emotionally as well)? Are they aware of any feelings of disconnection, either before, during, or after viewing/using porn? Do boys feel that porn impacts their actual relationships with girls and women? If so, how? Would boys look differently at porn if they were aware that many of the girls/women who are shown in the images/videos are likely not enjoying the experience? Would they experience porn differently if they knew some of the girls/women are coerced or forced into being objects for their desire?"
---John Badalament, author of The Modern Dad's Dilemna
"For me, I would rather approach from a pragmatic place rather than a values place. Approaching the subject from a good or bad place is engaging with parts of the psyche that are not (in my opinion) going to help someone face honestly what is going on in their relationship to porn.
In my life, it triggers the years that I discovered porn as a prepubescent born again Christian. Porn and sex were entirely entwined with guilt, shame, fear of my mother and God, and fear of becoming my father. It continues to be difficult to disentangle myself from early associations: dark and dirty, filled with cigarette smoke, the smell of body odor and emotional paralysis.
Was it good? Bad? YES. Absolutely. Making a judgment call about porn creates a clear line in the sand that, in my experience, has been ineffective in helping men come to a healthy understanding of themselves and others.
Did it work? Yes and no. It provided an escape into fantasy out of a life that was often very dark and scary. And, at the same time, I developed a relationship with my own body and the bodies of women that was not tied very well to reality and definitely harmed my relationships ... all the way to today.
Does porn work in the culture? For whom? When? How? It most definitely does not work well for a vast number of women who perform in the sex industry. In my opinion, it does not work well for boys trying to develop a realistic and functional way of creating intimacy with women. It may work in some adult relationships where a consenting couple chooses to actively 'spice' up their bedroom life. It may work for some men as a stress relief and a way to engage the right brain in a way that they are not encouraged to do in our culture. It also easily becomes addictive and compulsive (the SEC workers are a great example).
It works well to help boys and men create a dual existence, a kind of split personality which I believe strongly translates into a lack of emotional integrity or authenticity. Men lie about porn -- to themselves, to each other and to their partners. This lying becomes a habit -- a way of interacting with the world. And I believe that any transition to a new masculinity is going to at least require that we get honest about it and ask ourselves, is this working in our lives as men? And, what needs to change in order to make it work better?"
---Boysen Hodgson, Mankind Project
  
  
  
Follow Tom Matlack on Twitter: www.twitter.com/tmatlack
Emily Southwood: Adventures in Pornland: Not So Adventurous
Beth Green: Why Are We Addicted to Sex?
Thea Singer: Stress Relief and More Brain Cells? The Secret Could Be in the Bedroom
Pornography addiction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
SEC Pornography Problem: Employees Spent Hours Surfing Porn Sites ...
Pornography | Culture | guardian.co.uk
Porn addiction destroys relationships, lives - SFGate
Listen Magazine : The Pornography Problem
What not a lot of people realize is, Pornography keeps the rates of actual rapes and sex crimes DOWN. Research in Sweden, Denmark, Germany and Japan bear this out. (Japan has one of the lowest rape rates anywhere, but also the craziest porn!). If feminists really wanted to protect women, they'd produce porn.
Don't kill the messenger, but the more "Anti-male" legislation you have and the more women are told "You don't need men", the more porn use you'll have.
Don't Play With Playboy" Protest Timeline
by Rebecca Whisnant & Vicki Behrens
Monday, March 16: Beginning of Women's Week, marking 100 years of women at UNC.
Tuesday, March 17: Playboy runs its first ad in the campus paper, recruiting women students for its "Women of the ACC" (Atlantic Coast Conference) pictorial. Serendipitously, on the same day, Wheelock College sociologist Gail Dines visits campus as the keynote speaker for Women's Week. Dines' slideshow and lecture on pornography and sexism in the media inspires several students to begin planning a protest against the Playboy visit. An email listserv is set up for those interested in participating. The protest plans are informally christened "Bunny Hunt."
UNC students protest Playboy's presence on campus soliciting coeds for "Girls of the ACC" photo shoot.
Wednesday, March 18: Cameras and reporters from a local news station arrive at the office of the Women's Issues Network, demanding to know what they are planning to do about the Playboy visit. No one from WIN is in the office at the time, so the reporters harass members of the other two organizations who share the office space. It is unclear how Channel 11 knows that anyone is even thinking of planning anything at this point, since only one impromptu informal meeting has been held.
Thursday, March 19: Word travels fast. The Daily Tar Heel publishes a snide article about some students' plans to present a petition. Meanwhile, the petitions are circulated at a Breaking the Silence T-shirt-making event during the afternoon, and at the Take Back the Night rally in the evening. 103 signatures are gathered. Following the Take Back the Night march and rally, about 10 students go to the Daily Tar Heel office to present the petition. Although they have no signs and are neither loud nor disruptive, the manager rudely asks them to leave since the editorial staff is not there. They politely persist, and proceed to read the petition and statement of purpose. They then hand both documents to the manager and leave.
Sunday, March 22: A feminist student involved in the protest writes a letter to the editor about this incident of campus hate speech, drawing connections between Playboy, pornography in general, and violence against women. The Daily Tar Heel never publishes this letter. Indeed, they never cover the incident at all, except in a board editorial several days later in which they blandly denounce its occurrence.
The next couple of weeks: Plans continue, via email and meetings, for the protest. Some of the protestors call Playboy under false pretenses to find out where they are planning to do their "interviewing" and to sign up for some of the time slots. They also call Playboy to ask if permission has been granted to use the "ACC" name and logo.
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WAVE: Women Against a
Violent Environment
Porn Insidiously Devalues Women
by Barbara Kasper and Barbara Moore
Originally published in the October 27, 1994 Democrat and Chronicle (Rochester, NY)
There has been much discussion about the airing of the public access show on cable television called Life Without Shame. While many in our community do not want the show to air, there seems to be little we can do to stop it. There are so many rights in the way: the right to adult etertainment, the right to sexual expression, constitutional rights of free speech, and the rights of business owners.
One right which has been given little attention in this debate is human rights -- specifically the rights of women.
We feel that pornography is harmful to women and that as women we have the right to live in a society free of this harm. Pornography degrades women. It defines us through our body parts. It encourages self-hatred in women because we can never "measure up" to the women seen in pornography. We dare not grow old or become overweight. In pornography, women are rewarded for fulfilling males' fantasies -- being either the passive "good girl" or the insatiable whore.
More importantly, pornography frequently eroticizes violence. We do not believe that every man who watches Life Without Shame will become a rapist or beat his wife or girlfriend.
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However, we do feel that misogynistic sexual entertainment for men portrays the humiliation of women as "sexy" and presents women as two-dimensional beings.
In a world where women are being raped, stalked, beaten, and killed in epidemic proportions, pornography conditions too many men to "get off by putting women down." Eventually, viewing enough pornography can desensitize all of us so that we do not even question the devaluation of women in our society.
We believe that the number of rapes and assaults on women would be drastically reduced -- but not entirely eliminated -- if pornography were to disappear. We believe that pornography often serves as a cultural backdrop, if not actually a catalyst, for the sexual exploitation and abuse of women.
Pornography sells. Men spend more than $8 billion a year on pornography. What is sells is lies about women and their response to sex. Pornography frequently portrays women as mindless, childlike and submissive. We are "pets" or "playmates." Other forms of pornography depict women who enjoy being raped, spanked, tied up or mutilated.
Would there be any real need for debate if viewers of cable television were exposed to programming that featured the consistent abuse and humiliating of Jews, African Americans or the elderly? Would everyone who objected to such programming be encouraged to simply "change the channel"?
Many young males state that their first sexual experience was masturbating to pornography. Think of what this pornography then says to these men -- that women like to be treated like objects, treated with contempt, and enjoy eroticized violence. Women in pornography never say "no," or if they do, they don't really mean it. Women in porn are really men's property -- always available and ready. pornography, therefore, reinforces inequity in relationships. It is difficult to believe that men can use pornography and at the same time truly respect the women in their lives.
Far too many people believe that they have the right to control those to whom they feel superior. We know rape is not a crime of passion but rather an act of power and control. The same is true of domestic violence, sexual harassment and incest.
Who benefits from pornography? Who finances pornography? Who is behind the camera? Who buys it?
Who has the power?
We need to stop the lies that pornography tells about women and sex and tell the truth. The truth is that pornography supports a larger culture that hurts, exploits and discriminates against women. Unfortunately, far too often when we tell the truth we are accused of taking away rights.
In a world where women are being raped, stalked, beaten, and killed in epidemic proportions, pornography conditions too many men to "get off by putting women down." Eventually, viewing enough pornography can desensitize all of us so that we do not even question the devaluation of women in our society.
We believe that the number of rapes and assaults on women would be drastically reduced -- but not entirely eliminated -- if pornography were to disappear. We believe that pornography often serves as a cultural backdrop, if not actually a catalyst, for the sexual exploitation and abuse of women.
Pornography sells. Men spend more than $8 billion a year on pornography. What is sells is lies about women and their response to sex. Pornography frequently portrays women as mindless, childlike and submissive. We are "pets" or "playmates." Other forms of pornography depict women who enjoy being raped, spanked, tied up or mutilated.
Would there be any real need for debate if viewers of cable television were exposed to programming that featured the consistent abuse and humiliating of Jews, African Americans or the elderly? Would everyone who objected to such programming be encouraged to simply "change the channel"?
Many young males state that their first sexual experience was masturbating to pornography. Think of what this pornography then says to these men -- that women like to be treated like objects, treated with contempt, and enjoy eroticized violence. Women in pornography never say "no," or if they do, they don't really mean it. Women in porn are really men's property -- always available and ready. pornography, therefore, reinforces inequity in relationships. It is difficult to believe that men can use pornography and at the same time truly respect the women in their lives.
Far too many people believe that they have the right to control those to whom they feel superior. We know rape is not a crime of passion but rather an act of power and control. The same is true of domestic violence, sexual harassment and incest.
Who benefits from pornography? Who finances pornography? Who is behind the camera? Who buys it?
Who has the power?
We need to stop the lies that pornography tells about women and sex and tell the truth. The truth is that pornography supports a larger culture that hurts, exploits and discriminates against women. Unfortunately, far too often when we tell the truth we are accused of taking away rights.
The Independent Student Newspaper
Column: Pornography: a vicious cycle
Dan Mollison
Updated: October 26th, 2005 - 12:00 AM
Tagged with: Dan Mollison, Person Email Address, Technology, Opinions
What part of the entertainment industry is bigger than the NFL, the NBA and the MLB combined?
You guessed it - it's pornography. The porn industry has grown into a $10 billion a year business, with some of our nation's best-known corporations - including General Motors, AOL Time Warner, Marriott, Hilton and Westin - silently raking in big profits from pornography without mentioning it in their company records. Pornography has become so pervasive that in 2003, Americans spent more money on porn than they did on going to see Hollywood movies.
Even though pornography stretches into the homes of millions of Americans, we don't openly talk about it much. We're even less likely to discuss how those who use pornography - who are primarily men - might be affected by seeing these images. I recently had the opportunity to be part of such a discussion, and I came away from it with a new perspective on how the men in my life, including myself, have been impacted by our exposure to pornography. When men choose to use porn, their lives and relationships pay the price.
These sex scenes convey to viewers the idea that women are not human but rather are objects to be used by men to satisfy male sexual desires. In order for a man to get pleasure from watching a woman being verbally, sexually and sometimes physically abused, he has to deny the woman's humanity. If he's thinking about the fact that this woman has the same feelings, relationships with loved ones, dreams and aspirations as his mother, his sisters and his female friends, there is no way he would be aroused by a scene in which a man treats a woman like garbage as he's penetrating her; he'd find it sickening. Pornography dehumanizes women, and when a man is exposed to it for a long period of time,
One of the men at the conference shared how his past experiences with pornography have had a deep impact on his life. Like many of his peers, he was first exposed to pornography in middle school, years before he would have his first serious sexual experience with a woman. Pornography offered him a rare glimpse into the world of sex that nobody was talking about, and because he wasn't given accurate information about what sex was like, he started to believe that the acts he had been witnessing in pornography - of men sexually dominating women - is what sex is supposed to be. He then carried these beliefs into his romantic relationships, and caused his partners, and himself, a lot of undue grief.
This experience has become a downright common one for men, and it's truthfully a hard bind to be in. Pornography offers men a taste of something they can never have, a feeling of being completely in control. But when men return from these fantasies to a world that doesn't always go their way, they crave the feeling of being powerful even more; and they may even seek it out in their relationships.
URL: http://www.salon.com/health/sex/urge/2000/01/18/hustler
Maxed out
Max Hardcore and other XXX pornographers awakened something dark in me. Or perhaps it was already there.
By Evan Wright
In 1995 I became a pornographer. Hired as the entertainment editor for Hustler magazine, I'd achieved something most considered to be dubious at best. A feminist friend compared my job working for Larry Flynt to being a propaganda minister for Hitler. According to her argument, I was promulgating a misogynistic agenda almost as brutal as anti-Semitism.
In college I had been exposed to similar extremes of feminist thought. Catharine MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin advanced critiques of power and gender that suggested buying a Playboy was an act of aggression tantamount to rape. But by the time I worked at Hustler, the public -- at least segments of it -- was flirting with the notion that porn might be chic. Where I lived in Los Angeles, high-school girls strolled Melrose Avenue in baby T-shirts displaying the "Porn Star" label. Howard Stern brought porn stars into millions of peoples' lives every morning when they appeared as guests on his show.
Pornography had also become a hot topic in highbrow glossy publications such as the New Yorker and Esquire. The basic question of whether pornography is misogynous was brushed aside by most who brought the subject into mainstream media.
As Hustler's main XXX-film critic, I watched hundreds of adult videos. The debate on porn was never abstract for me. Pornography was my life. Not only did I review the videos, but I wrote copy for several of Larry Flynt's magazines, became friends with performers and directors, visited porn sets and wrote scripts for XXX films.
There was an absurd component to my work. The Hustler rating standard is a graphic of a penis, which ranges from fully erect to totally limp, depending on the quality of the film being reviewed. "Porn critic" is perhaps the most ludicrous job title I will ever have. Aside from the ridiculous nature of my job, I was often profoundly disturbed by the aggressively anti-female tone of the films I reviewed. None was more misogynist than those put out by a director and performer who called himself Max Hardcore.
Max Hardcore, who releases nearly two dozen videos every year, is a somewhat out-of-shape, balding middle-age man, with baby-blue eyes and a twangy, Midwestern accent. His trademark is the cowboy hat he wears in every scene.
When I was 25 in 1990 (before pornography was even on the internet and not nearly as mainstreamed) I spoke to Rhea at the now sadly former feminist Women's Alliance Against Pornography & Education Project .I spoke to her off and on until January 1993 and I asked her to send me any information on the harms of pornography and she sent me a lot. I told her that when a lot of men come to my house to fix or deliver things,they made sexist and inappropriate sexual comments and stared at me which made me uncomfortable and that I never wore provative clothes and had little and sometimes no make up on.
By Victor B. Cline © by Victor B. Cline. Used by MHRF with permission. Table of Contents. Introduction. Defining Pornography and Obscenity. Effects on Adults ...... In my clinical practice, I have daily treated both children and adults ...
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Pornography's Effects on Adults & Children (Research) - Full Article
Dr. Victor Cline tackles this controversy head on through a careful ... on the effects of pornography on children, adults, families, and social values. ...
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Another guy posted on an "Adult" Site where they had advice questions and anwers and he posted that he ejaculated on his girfriend's face and she was very angry and upset and she left him for good.But he couldn't understand why and what he did wrong because he said his girl friend was always wild in bed and he said he watches a lot of porn videos and all of the porn stars love facials.On LoveShack.org a guy said that he and other men he knew said that it never occurred or appealed to them to ejaculate on a woman's face or body,only inside her vaginally,until they saw it in pornography.Many women have also said their husbands and boyfriends are pressuring them to have anal sex after seeing women in pornography portrayed as if they love it.
Feminist anti-porn educator Sociologist Dr.Gail Dines said that many of her female students told her that their boyfriends are constantly pressuring them to the things they see in pornography,that they have seen it in the pornograohy and now they want to experience it in real life.She said that many young women are so desperate to have a man in their lives that they will often give in and do these things even though their instincts are telling them don't do it.
Dr.Chyng Sun also reports that many women have told her that their boyfriends and husbands are constantly asking them to the things they have seen in pornography and they don't want to.On quite a few message boards over the years I have seen posts by men asking women if they like to have or will let their boyfriends or husbands cum on their faces like they do in the porn videos.
Also, Robert Jensen explains in his great important book,Getting Off:Pornography And The End Of Masculinity whatever the genesis of the cum shot in the history of pornography we can ask why it continues.He then asks what does the cum shot mean? He says in one of the first films he watched for his study of pornography was the 1990 porn video Taboo VIII and one of the male characters offers an answer.
When I was 17 a school evaluator said that a lot of guys are going to want to get down my pants! Where do we think the teenage boys learn these kinds of sexist,woman-hating dehumanizing attitudes towards women from,the whole sexist,woman-hating male dominated sick society,the pornography that came from it,and the adult men who use it and are influenced by it all.
When I was 25 in 1990 (before pornography was even on the internet and not nearly as mainstreamed) I spoke to at the feminist Women's Alliance Against Pornography & Education Project .I spoke to her off and on until January 1993 and I asked her to send me any information on the harms of pornography and she sent me a lot. I told her that when a lot of men come to my house to fix or deliver things,they made sexist and inappropriate sexual comments and stared at me which made me uncomfortable and that I never wore provative clothes and had little and sometimes no make up on.I told her they were treating me like I was just
And look where we are now!