Sluggish Economy Affects Number of College Girls Going Wild

04/16/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

The shaky economy has really affected every aspect of American culture. Less people are spending, people are losing their homes and unemployment is at its highest since the 30's. But one truly disturbing sign that our country is in a slump is the noticeable drop in college girls going wild during Spring Break. Spring Break '09 showed the lowest amount of drunken women taking off their tops for video cameras ever. Many people are speculating as to why this is happening. A psychologist had this analysis; "Women are scared. They don't have the money to go out and get drunk enough to make horrible decisions anymore. And due to the sluggish economy most bars have done away with their 'ladies drink free' nights. Also women know how bad the job market is now and they don't want to do anything to hurt their chances with potential employers." A young woman enrolled at University of Colorado had this to say; "I just don't feel like I can afford to go wild right now. I'm staying in more and saving my money. In this economy everything is suffering. We all need to cut back. I don't even take off my clothes when I shower anymore. I was wild for years and look what it's done to our economy." A drunk frat guy named Derek had this to say, "It's really sad. Dude, I've been in college 8 years now and this is the worst Spring Break I've ever seen. Hardly any girls are going wild this year. They're all staying home and working on their f***ing resumes. I asked a girl to take off her top the other night and she just laughed in my face and went back to reading. It was humiliating. American bars aren't pulling their weight. They have a moral obligation to make sure college girls in America are drunk enough to get naked in public. If this keeps up I might have to drop out of school."

This is just further proof that we as a country are in serious trouble. It used to be the one thing you could always depend on was 18 year old American girls getting wasted, stripping in public and making out with their friends. College girls going wild is part of what makes America great. No more. In fact Joe Francis, the brains behind the ground breaking Girls Gone Wild videos, has been forced to revamp his video series. He had this to say; "Girls simply are not going wild anymore! Now I have to break into girls rooms and videotape them showering. But it's not easy, when they see me they try and break the camera. The other day I busted into a shower and the chick was wearing clothes! It's like these women are pissing on the American flag."

I still have hope. As long as there are colleges and girls and alcohol, I think we as a country will make it. But the bottom line is women need to get back out there and start acting skanky again. For years women fought so that future generations of women could have the right to act like sluts in shitty bars. If you don't ladies, well then you're basically slapping Susan B. Anthony in the face when what you should be doing is slipping her the tongue in your underwear.